An Eye For An Eye
by 1wildrose1
Summary: We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. (Cloud/Reno)(Zack/Cloud/Reno)(Onesided!Rufus/Reno)
1. Chapter 1

**I know I've been away for a while and I need to get quite a few stories running again, but I've had a really shitty few months and I wanted to do this first – so sorry, but I will be writing the others fairly soon. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome**.

_**Chapter One**_

_He'd been holding it back for so long. No one noticed because so much was going on at once – Genesis, Sephiroth, Geostigma, Kadaj, Deepground, Omega; the battles just never stopped. We were so wrapped up in restoring our own lives after that, we didn't see him begin to come undone at the seams – not until it was too late..._

"It is unlikely that his condition is permanent, but do not take it lightly." The doctor straightened from his crouched position in front of his vacant-looking patient. He turned towards the woman who had brought the man here and regarded her panicky expression carefully. "If his condition had deteriorated quickly and suddenly, I'd say it was caused by some kind of head trauma, but you say that it has happened gradually?"

The woman nodded numbly, biting the inside of her cheek. "Over years."

"Years? Why wasn't he admitted sooner?" The doctor frowned severely and cast a fresh eye over his patient, looking at the dark circles and waxy skin. "You surely saw how ill he was becoming?"

The woman winced and crossed her arms over her stomach defensively. "...I didn't realise – there was a lot going on." She closed the gap between herself and her friend and ran her fingers through his hair soothingly, making him turn his head in her direction with a confused look. "Don't you dare make me seem like I didn't care." While her voice remained soft and wounded, her eyes were challenging, daring him to blame her for her friend's state.

The doctor sighed and shook his head. "I wasn't implying that at all. Didn't he say something?" He found it hard to believe that someone whose health was deteriorating in such a way would remain silent.

The woman snorted and shook her head, her sudden amusement bordering on hysterical. "Don't you listen to the news? When they talk about the 'broody hero' they're pretty accurate." She sobered and crossed her arms again. "He thinks he's inconveniencing people if he talks about himself."

The doctor nodded and wrote something down on his clipboard. "That's pretty textbook if I'm honest with you. You see, all tests I've run have come back negative, so his condition cannot be medical." He handed the woman the piece of paper he had written on. "That's the number of a very good psychologist – the best in the city. I suggest you take him there and see if they can make sense of this. Are you financially able to support him or do you need a care plan arranged?"

Her jaw tensed and she nodded. "Thank you, but I can support him. I doubt he will talk to a shrink, but we can give it a go." She glanced down at her friend. "I hate talking about him as though he's not in the room." She crouched down and leaned in close so she could talk into his ear. "Did you hear any of that, Cloud? You're going to see someone that can help you."

The blond nodded and gazed blankly past her. "I didn't hear a lot, but I trust you." His voice was soft and child-like as he shaped his words carefully, trying to make them sound right without being able to hear them.

Turning back to the doctor, she waved the paper she was holding. "Is there anything else you can do?"

"I can give you mild sedatives to give him at night so he can sleep, but that's all at this point, I'm afraid." He wrote out a prescription and handed it over, wishing them the best as they left the surgery, the woman carefully guiding the man as they went.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Are you okay with securing your seatbelt or do you need me to do it?" Tifa asked as she helped Cloud into her car, talking loudly.

He sighed and took his seat with her help, feeling along the side of his seat for the belt. "I'll do it." She pursed her lips and watched as he fumbled with the belt when he found it and clumsily tried to get it in the plug. "I've got to learn to do things on my own after all."

Tifa shook her head and closed his door, walking round to her own side. She started the car and headed for home. "The doctor said it's not permanent. Hopefully the psychiatrist will help you."

Cloud frowned and looked at her with glassy blue eyes. "Psychiatrist? I'm not crazy."

"No, you're not, but stress can do funny things to you and you've been under more stress over the years than anyone I know." She bit her lip and glanced over at him. "Though, I admit that I've never heard of it making anyone...you know..."

"Go blind and partially deaf? You can say it, Tifa." His voice was hollow. "I'm not stressed, anyway. I'm–"

"Don't you dare say that you're fine, Cloud Strife." Tifa snapped, pulling up behind a sleek black car outside Seventh Heaven – they had no driveway, but there was usually a spot outside to park. "I don't have time for you to try and let yourself get worse – I've already got enough on my plate taking care of the kids and running the bar without you letting yourself get ill enough to require me to be your carer too."

Cloud looked away, frowning. His silence grated on Tifa's already raw nerves. "Why couldn't you just speak up_ for once_? We could have stopped this from happening if you had." Her words came out fast and harsh. "I don't know why you have to make things so damn hard, Cloud!" She finally stopped and clenched her eyes shut, reigning in her tears – okay, so maybe Cloud wasn't the only one who was stressed.

"I'm sorry." Tifa looked over at the tiny voice to see that Cloud had slunk down in his seat, looking away from her.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Don't be. That's just who you are." She couldn't bring herself to apologise, but she squeezed his hand briefly before getting out of the car to lead him inside. "You've just got to stop bottling it up."

He said nothing in return, leaving Tifa with little doubt that he was not going to heed her. Choosing to ignore it, she unlocked the door and lead Cloud by the hand through the empty bar and up the stairs, following the sound of voices to the living room. She sat the blond down on his armchair, greeting her friends as she did.

"What are they going to do?" Someone asked. It took Cloud a moment to recognise the speaker as Yuffie due to the dull tone of her usually chirpy voice. "Do they even know why it happened?"

Tifa accepted the cup of tea that Reeve offered her, twitching her lips in slight amusement. "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to use my kitchen."

The engineer chuckled, though it sounded forced, and shrugged. "You know me."

Tifa nodded and answered Yuffie's question. "It's not medical – the doctor said that it's stress induced."

"Stress? We haven't had anybody threatening the world in nearly two years." Barret frowned and regarded Cloud's blank face. "You sure this doctor knew what he was talking about?"

Tifa nodded. "I'm sure – he said that it was likely to be old stress due to the fact that this was gradual. It makes sense, I guess. He's been through so much – more than we know, I think." She watched as Cloud slowly brought his own tea to his lips and drank with so much concentration that he didn't seem to hear what they were saying. "I'm taking him to a shrink – maybe if he actually talks through it he'll get better, or at least he'll get some closure."

"What, so it's in the kid's head?" Cid asked, mumbling around the toothpick he'd put between his teeth as a replacement for a cigarette, mindful of Tifa's rules about not smoking in her house.

"Not really, but the mess in his head needs to be sorted out before he can get better." Tifa felt like she was repeating the same things over and over, but it had been a long day and she guessed her patience was shot. "Let's just make dinner and talk about this tomorrow."

The rest of them agreed, seeing how tired she was. Yuffie and Reeve helped her prepare dinner while Barret, Cid and Vincent – who had remained a silent observer until then – kept Cloud company, which the blond was grateful for. He knew the men wouldn't fuss over him and, while he would ordinarily want to be alone, the sheer nothingness of being blind made him feel sick and uneasy when he was on his own.

"Where are the kids?" Cloud asked, having not heard their voices.

"They're staying over their friend's houses tonight." That voice was Barret, Cloud guessed.

"Why? They know what's going on."

"Um..." Barret sounded a little hesitant.

"What?" Cloud frowned, looking at where he guessed his friend would be. "What's the matter?"

"I informed Reno of the Turks of your situation." Vincent's smooth voice explained, neutral as usual.

"Okay, so what's the big deal?" Cloud and Reno had become friends after everything had settled down – he'd come to the bar with his Turk friends and made amends with him in his own way by drinking him under the table. Barret hadn't warmed to the fiery redhead as much as Cloud had, but he wasn't opposed to him being around Marlene as long as no Shinra business was discussed in front of her.

"He's bringing President Shinra." Barret mumbled, barely loud enough for Cloud to hear.

"He's bringing...?" Cloud shook his head, hoping he had heard wrong. "No...why would he do that?"

"Can't be sure what that guy's thinkin'," Cid shook his head and tapped his toothpick against his teeth. "but they'll be over soon."

Yes, he now funded the WRO and helped as much as he could to cleanse the world of the repercussions of Shinra's previous actions and yes, he was no longer the ruthless man that had basically become dictator of the old world through the power his company gifted him. But, in Cloud's head, Rufus Shinra was still the desperate man of four years ago who had ordered the execution of his friends to appease the public; he was still the man who stepped aside and allowed Hojo to continue his work despite the atrocities that the madman had already committed; the man that had stared through the window of the top floor office of the Shinra building at his father's dead and bloodied body with what Cloud swore to this day was a smile.

"Perhaps he is concerned for you?" Vincent's deep voice drifted through his reverie, making Cloud smirk in irony.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Should I be?" The ex-Turk's tone didn't change, indicating that he was not joking - though, in Vincent's case, it probably didn't mean anything, judging by his typical stoic nature.

Cloud shrugged and lifted his cup of tea to his lips, grimacing when the now-cold liquid assaulted his taste buds. "I just can't imagine him being concerned for me of all people."

"You would be surprised at how much a person can hide about their true nature." Cloud's cup was taken from his fingers and replaced with a short, round glass. The blond tilted his head in a general direction in thanks, thinking about what Vincent had said. He supposed that if anyone knew anything about hiding their true nature, it was the illustrious 'vampire', as he was comically known within their group. He made it known to the world that he was cold and unflappable, yet in reality he was kind to those he considered friends and fiercely loyal.

"I guess..." Cloud raised the cold glass to his lips, pausing to voice a final complaint. "I still don't get why he's coming here, though." His boyish face twisted at the sharpness of the drink he had been given, prompting the tension in the room to break, giving way to amused chuckles at his reaction. "Jeez! Will you at least warn me before you start feeding me whiskey?"

"Now that woulda been too easy, now wouldn' it?" Cid's distorted voice was even harder to understand past his chuckles. "Don't you be thinkin' that you're gonna be treated like a victim, Strife – this is a grand opportunity to be messing with you."

"Yeah, man – Tifa might be babyin' you, but we ain't." Barret's deep voice reciprocated.

Cloud made a good show of grumbling in annoyance, but in reality he was grateful for the gesture. They knew him well, it seemed. He went to reach out to find the coffee table so he could discard his glass on it before stopping himself, feeling that he deserved at least one glass of the hard stuff to calm his nerves after the day he'd had. "How much is in here?"

"Whack it back and find out." Barret suggested, pressing a button on the remote control to turn the T.V. on.

Cloud shrugged and swirled the glass a little, finding that the glass was too light to be full. "Bottoms up." He murmured before downing the whiskey like a shot, revelling in the burn as it slid down his throat.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Aquamarine eyes scanned the horizon again – one time of many over the last twenty minutes – their owner's mind reeling at the sight which he had witnessed in the rear-view mirror a while before. Cloud Strife, the hero and saviour of the planet twice over, being led into Seventh Heaven like an invalid by the woman he lived with. He had been told that something was up with the blond and that it could be serious, but needing help to make the short distance between the car and the front door? Reno never would have guessed it was that bad. He supposed that the fighter had given him the impression that he was too strong for that.

Glancing over his shoulder at his boss, he raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Yo, how long we gonna be sitting here, sir?" He didn't say out loud, but he was anxious to see if his friend was alright and they had been sitting in his parked car for long enough in his opinion. Of course, saying as much to Rufus would be completely unprofessional, let alone out of character for a Turk.

President Shinra's cold grey eyes focussed on his employee in the front seat of the car, having opted to travel to Edge in Reno's personal vehicle rather than use a company limo so that he wouldn't impose on Strife and his friends more than necessary during his visit. "Just long enough to allow Strife to settle, which I suppose he has by now. Come, Reno – let us make our presence known."

**Just a taster chapter to see how this will be received – hope you liked it .. x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Laptop died. Lost all of my stories and college work. Pissed me off -.- That's all I'm gonna say about that at the moment, to be honest... **

**Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

**Cloud and Reno are quite out of character in this chapter but I hope that it makes sense in context. Maybe...**

_**Chapter Two**_

"_Come, Reno – let us make our presence known."_

The redhead nodded and quickly got out of the car, opening the door for his boss before locking up. The two of them entered the building together and Reno knocked on the door next to the bar, glancing at Rufus silently as they waited for an answer. The president looked calm and casual to the untrained eye, but Reno, who had been his employee and friend – in that order – for nearly eleven years now, could see the tension in his stance. He knew better than to bring attention to that fact, however.

Rufus glanced coolly at the redhead, studying him with frozen grey eyes. "You are quiet today, Reno."

He nodded in agreement and shrugged. "Not much to say, yo."

The steely eyes thawed a little and looked back at the door. "Indeed."

A few moments later, the form of Reeve Tuesti appeared before them as he opened the door. The man was smiling at them, but it was strained and weary, making it evident that there was something terribly troubling looming over the house. "President Shinra, Reno – it's good to see you."

Rufus nodded briskly, remaining politely silent, and Reno offered a half-hearted smirk. "You too, man."

The engineer stood back a little, gesturing at them to venture into the bowels of the house. "Don't just stand in the doorway – do come in."

Reno led the way through the narrow corridor, ascending the stairs and following the loudest cluster of voices into the kitchen. Vincent, Yuffie, Cid and Barret were gathered around the small wooden dining table and had been eating their meals before the Turk entered. Now, they were twisted in their chairs to look at him, their conversation having come to an abrupt halt.

"Yo." Reno gave a cocky two-fingered salute in greeting, not expecting a response – out of all of Cloud's friends, Yuffie, Cid and Barret still held the most hostility towards him for his continued association with Shinra. Vincent was just not a talker. "Where's Blondie?"

Yuffie puffed up her small frame and started to make a haughty comment, but was cut off by Vincent's calm voice. "He is in the living room." Only offering minimal information – the ex-Turk hadn't changed.

"Vincent!" Yuffie scowled and crossed her arms. "What did'ya go and tell him that for?"

The man raised his eyebrow at her. "He came to see him. Where else would he be?"

"Now, now, children." Reeve brushed past Reno to get into the room, taking his seat at the table. "Try not to fight at the table – it will ruin your appetite." Barret scoffed, but shook his head and turned his attention back to his food, proceeding to shovel it down his throat with aggressive vigour. Reeve rolled his eyes and looked back at Reno. "Go on through." Reno rose a brow, glancing over his shoulder and back meaningfully. Reeve shrugged, catching the unspoken question about Rufus. "If Tifa lets him in the room, then he's allowed."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Tifa watched her friend eat his meal from her perch on the sofa opposite the one he was sitting on, absently nibbling on pieces of lettuce as she did so. She had purposely made food that he could eat with his hands so that she wouldn't have to demean him further by feeding him like a child. Her eyes followed the path of the fingers of his left hand as they slowly searched the plate and grasped a French fry, bringing it up to his mouth. He missed once, poking himself in the chin, before reaching his target and beginning the journey again.

Cloud frowned and turned his head searchingly. "It's gone quiet."

Tifa paused and strained to listen. Sure enough, the chatter in the kitchen had quietened. "You're right. I'll check it out." The brunette placed her plate on the coffee table and walked to the door. She was greeted by a raised fist when she opened it, poised to knock, attached to the arm of a familiar man. "Reno." She smiled warily, trying to be welcoming – for Cloud's sake at least. "Sorry, I forgot you were coming."

"That's fine, doll." Reno grinned at her and stepped into the room, pausing briefly. "Uh, you did know that I've brought President Shinra, right?"

Tifa wrinkled her nose in distaste, but otherwise showed no signs of surprise. "Yes, I did." She turned to look at Cloud, who was looking towards them with interest. Reno noted the slight glazed look in his vivid blue eyes with concern, but could see no other sign of ill-health. "Cloud? Are you okay with Mr. Shinra coming in?"

His face tensed slightly as he rolled one shoulder back in a half-shrug. "Yeah..."

Reno grinned at him and strolled further into the room, flopping down onto the sofa that Tifa had just vacated. He listened to Rufus' even footsteps as he followed and perched demurely next to his employee.

"I'll be in the kitchen, Cloud." Tifa's voice held the promise that she would be in there like a shot if Rufus tried anything.

The fighter nodded and gripped onto his plate, fixing his blank stare on his knees. Reno waited until the door was shut before he said anything, wary of Tifa's overprotective nature. "So, what's all this about you being ill, Blondie? You look fine to me, yo."

Cloud's lips twitched a little as he glanced up at the redhead. Only...his eyes were still glazed and were looking slightly to the left of where Reno's face was. "Um..." He didn't really know how to say it – especially in front of Rufus Shinra. Being in the state he was in, he couldn't see how the two of them would react to the news. For all he knew, the man would take advantage of his weakness – though how or why he would do that eluded even Cloud's reasoning, but he was still fairly skittish around him.

Reno's stomach felt like lead as it slowly began to dawn on him what was wrong, adding to the cottony feeling that his mouth had been sporting since he heard the news. Ordinarily, Cloud would be able to pick up on his emotions by just looking at his expression – a feat that few could claim to be able to do – but the man was just sitting there awkwardly, as though he was unsure of himself. He mentally shook himself, trying to convince himself that it was the presence of his boss that had him nervous. "Don't worry, man – Rufus isn't here as an enemy."

He looked at his boss briefly, hoping that he would understand the use of his first name was just to make Strife feel a bit more comfortable. "Then why _is_ he here?" Cloud's eyebrows drew together, feeling a little odd talking about the man as though he wasn't in the room.

Rufus roved his eyes lazily towards the other blond, expecting him to ask such a question. "I don't suppose that you would believe that I was concerned." Cloud's head moved in a minute tilt as his lips twisted into a frown, proving his statement correct. "I was curious. My employee was distracted from his work and I wanted to know why. When I found out that you were in trouble, I offered to join him in his visit – I do owe you a lot for what my company has done to you."

Cloud's eyes widened a little in surprise as his mouth worked to form a response. "Uh...okay. Thank you?"

One thin brow rose on Rufus' stoic visage. "For what?"

Reno shook his head and cut in, not allowing Cloud to dwell on answering his boss' question because he knew that the blond was about two minutes away from breaking out into full brooding mode. "Anyway, man, what's wrong?" Blue eyes moved to look in his general direction, but, again, they did not focus or look in the right place. The blood pounded in Reno's ears as he put the pieces together for himself – it was clear that Cloud was reluctant to tell him by the way he drew his bottom lip between his teeth to bite on nervously.

Tifa leading him from the car; the glazed look in his eyes; the way he never looked directly at the person he was talking to; even how he still clutched onto his half-filled dinner plate instead of putting it onto the table in front of him. It all added up in the eyes of a man who was paid to see the details. "It's your eyes, isn't it?"

Beside him, a soft breath was sucked in quickly in surprise, but that was the only response from the President as Cloud nodded slowly. Reno cleared his throat quickly as he felt something akin to a stone settle there at the conformation, trying to keep his composure as the news made him a lot more upset than he was comfortable with feeling. Cloud was his friend, yes, but it shouldn't hit him this hard – _right, and you _didn't_ come running as soon as you heard something was wrong? Man up, Reno – you like him more than you think you do._

"What–" He stopped himself, clutching his knees tightly to prevent Rufus from seeing them shake in response to the poisonous feeling roiling in his gut. "_How_? How did this happen, yo?"

Cloud shook his head, releasing his lip from between his teeth. "I don't know exactly. I just woke up this morning not being able to see or hear anything – I thought that I had a pillow over my face or something, but..." He tapped his fingers along the edge of the dinner plate, frowning at the sudden wave of paranoia that swept over him. "My hearing is pretty much back to normal now, but I'm still...blind. I guess."

Telling Reno felt different than telling anyone else. It was easy for Cloud to pretend that Rufus wasn't in the room due to his silence, so it felt more intimate – more ground breaking, somehow. Like the conversation they were having right now could entirely change the course of their relationship, for better or worse. He really hoped that it wasn't for the worse. _Really_ hoped. Otherwise, everything that he and Reno had managed to form between them over the last three years – after all, he couldn't be the only one feeling it, right? – would be destroyed.

"Blind. Wow." Reno blinked and furrowed his eyebrows, not feeling right about describing Cloud in such a way. It sounded too permanent. "What are they going to do?"

"There's not anything that they can do, really – it's not physiological. Apparently I might get better if I see a shrink, but I don't think that will help." Cloud shook his head and reached forward gingerly, his outstretched fingers searching the air briefly before finding the coffee table. "Let's just...not talk about it now." He went to push his dinner plate onto the table he had located but misjudged the distance and ended up letting go before it was fully on the table. The plate hit the floor and sprayed shards of broken plate and food in every direction.

Cloud froze, staring down with his hands hovering where they were, unsure of what to do – he was sure he would only end up making it worse if he tried to clean it up, but he could hardly just leave it there. Just as he began the reach down, someone's hands brushed his own out the way. "I'll do it, you clutz." Reno's voice murmured.

"Um..." Cloud clenched his fists and tensed his jaw, feeling an irrationally upset over the incident. His eyes burned as he fought back the sudden urge to cry. "T-thanks." Wow...it really had just hit him. He was blind. _Blind_. All of this time, it hadn't felt real to him – like it was just a little thing that would go away on its own. But there was no guarantee that he would ever see again. This was going to happen all of the time; someone would always need to be there to help him live a normal life. For Gaia's sake, he couldn't even clean up a broken plate by himself!

Suddenly, Cloud began to wish that he was alone in the room – he hated the idea of Rufus seeing the solitary tear roll down his cheek. The sound of broken pottery scraping together stopped and two hands found their way onto his knees. "Cloud?"

"I'm sorry..." The blond quickly wiped away the tear, but another replaced it, quickly followed by more; soon enough, he couldn't stop the flood as they flowed uncontrollably. The door to the room clicked open and shut quietly before arms wrapped themselves around his neck, holding him securely. "R-Reno?"

"Shhh." The redhead hushed, remembering a time when their roles had been reversed – when it was he that had found comfort in the most unlikely person. "It's just the two of us now."

Nodding, the blond gave in and clutched the smaller man to himself as he just sobbed, letting the harsh reality sink in.

He was blind.

**Short again, but I've resigned myself to the fact that I can't write long chapters. Quality over quantity (I hope!)**

**I don't know about anyone else, but I cry when I'm stressed – hence why Cloud cries. Makes sense to me. Hope you liked it .. x**

**P.S. I've gone through the official Final Fantasy time-line and worked out the actual ages of the characters in this story because it annoys me when people make up their ages to fit their story. This is a basic time-line of events, just to put the story into context:**

**εуλ 1950 – Vincent is born (making him 61 in this story.)**

**εуλ 1959 – Nanaki is born (making him 52 in this story.)**

**εуλ 1968 – Cid is born (making him 43.)**

**εуλ 1872 – Reeve is born (making him 39.)**

**εуλ 1977 – Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal are born.**

**εуλ 1978 – Rude is born (making him 33.)**

**εуλ 1982 – Reno and Rufus are born (making them 29.)**

**εуλ 1984 – Zack is born (making him 27.)**

**εуλ 1985 – Aerith is born.**

**εуλ 1986 – Cloud is born (making him 25.)**

**εуλ 1987 – Tifa is born (making her 24.)**

**εуλ 1991 – Yuffie is born (making her 20.)**

**εуλ 1997 – Zack joins Shinra (he is 13 at the time.)**

**εуλ 1999 – Denzel is born (making him 12.)**

**εуλ 2000 – Cloud joins Shinra (he is 14 at the time.)**

**εуλ 0002 (October) – Sephiroth destroys Nibelheim and Cloud kills him.**

**εуλ 0003 – Marlene is born (making her 8.)**

**εуλ 0006 (December) – Zack and Cloud escape the Shinra Mansion.**

**εуλ 0007 (Late September) Zack is killed.**

**εуλ 0007 (October) – Tifa finds Cloud wandering around Midgar and takes him in.**

**εуλ 0007 (December) – Events of Final Fantasy VII take place.**

**εуλ 0009 – Events of Advent Children take place.**

**εуλ 0010 – Events of Dirge of Cerberus take place.**

**εуλ 0011 – Events of this story begin.**

**Feel free to use this for stories you want to write (apart from the last event of course.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been a long time, I know – but I just haven't felt the inspiration to write. Ah well, it's here now. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

**Small warning – this chapter is pretty damn mushy and feelgood towards the end – unlike me, I know – so those of you with a aversion to romance and chivalry...why the hell are you reading this? **

**One more thing – I did a little research into the names of some things I use in this chapter and thought I might tell you about it. Apparently, Fenrir is the name of the wolf – the actual animal that keeps on following Cloud around. Plus, it's the name of the emblems that appear on Cloud's earrings and shoulder piece, Tifa, Barret and Denzel's rings in FF: AC and, in FF: AC Complete, it's the watermark on clouds screen saver on his phone. I just didn't realise how prominent the wolf theme was until now...Makes sense, I guess – apparently its an embodiment of Cloud's lonely fight against his own gripping guilt. Thought that was interesting...anyway, read on.**

_**Chapter Three**_

_**Cloud and Reno – Three Years Earlier**_

_**- One week after Meteor fall -**_

The roads surrounding the ruins of Midgar were torn up and fragmented, forcing Cloud to dismount Fenrir and walk the rest of the way to the fallen metropolis, leaving his monstrous bike hidden behind a large chunk of rock that looked suspiciously like it used to be part of the Shinra building. The soil itself was black and burnt beneath his feet, leaving little doubt that anything that had been in the city – living or not – had been annihilated by Meteor. Every last thing.

The man stopped at the very edge of the ruins, pulling up the scarf he had draped around his neck to cover his mouth and nose and sucking in a quick breath as he prepared to burrow through the twisted metal of the old Sector 6 plate. It was strange, he thought as he ignored the sting of broken glass and jutting debris piercing his skin as he worked his way through, it had been a whole week since Meteor had hit Midgar, but the ground still seemed to hum with the impact. Or perhaps it was grief – Vincent, Yuffie and the Turks hadn't managed to evacuate everyone, after all. The planet could be mourning its loss and trying to heal the best it could – it did seem likely, in light of recent events.

When he reached the other end of the twisted metal bridge, he was met with the sight that he had come to see. Hundreds and hundreds of bodies lay in lines, laying on their backs with their arms relaxed by their sides, the blood carefully cleaned from their ravaged skin and the burns covered by stark white bandages. It was clear that some had been found by their families because small crowds had gathered around them, weeping and leaving flowers.

Cloud slowly walked down the lines, pausing briefly as he passed five bodies laying near each other, his gut twisting at the sight: one man, one woman and three children, clearly related. There was no one around them to mourn. His lips twisted into a frown – it was the least he could do to get some flowers for them, but that would mean going to the one place in Midgar where they grew and the memories of _her_ death were still all too fresh.

Clenching his jaw, he cast his eyes over the deceased family once again, freezing at the sight of the eldest daughter. Her long brown hair was singed and dirtied and her eyes were closed with finality. But what really caught his eye was the twining pink ribbon, all caught up in the tangled strands of her hair. Cloud licked his dry lips nervously. "You really want me to go there?"

He received no response, of course, but he knew what he was going to do. He even started walking in the direction of where Sector 7 used to be before he realised what he was doing. It was like he was being pulled there by some unknown force – he didn't even need to climb over any debris to get there; the path was already clear.

The sight of Aerith's church rose up in the distance, untouched by destruction other than the hole in the roof which he had once fallen through, and Zack before him. The doors opened easily, creaking slightly with use, and he stepped in, waiting to feel the sense of calm that had always washed over him whenever he used to come here. Maybe it was just her presence that had made him feel like that.

A bright flash of red caught his eye, right in front of the ripped up floorboards that gave way to the flowers. Cloud tensed at the sight, ready to fight if need be. The man with red hair – Cloud was pretty sure that he knew exactly who it was – turned his head slowly towards the noise, revealing the side of his face, marred with a red claw mark tattoo.

"Reno." Reno pushed himself abruptly to his feet, spinning around to face the approaching blond with his fists clenched and his jaw tight, leaving little doubt that he was as tense around such company as Cloud was. "What are you doing here?"

"Could ask you the same thing, yo." Cloud frowned, approaching slowly, ignoring the strained creaks of the floorboards beneath his feet. The redhead's voice lacked its usual snap and cockiness, almost giving Cloud pause. In fact, as Cloud stopped at the first row of pews, he was close enough to see the Turk's face clearly – he really didn't look like his usual arrogant self. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his skin was coated in a thin layer of dust and grime; twin tracks of pale skin were visible through the dirt, making it clear that Reno had been crying. "You're not the only person that can come here."

"I know." Cloud murmured absently, choosing not to comment on the tear tracks – mainly because he couldn't really believe that they were there. "I just didn't think that anyone else would."

Aquamarine eyes swept over Cloud's face, trying to detect deceit in his placid response. When he found none, he let his fists unclench hesitantly, watching his companion as he did so. "Listen, yo–" He licked his lips and let his eyes flicker away from the blond briefly. "You must have seen all those bodies outside? Enough people have been hurt."

Cloud nodded and raised his hands to the strap holding his sword against his back, keeping his mako-infused eyes on the redhead. "Peace for now then?" He waited for the nod of agreement from Reno before he unbuckled the harness and laid his sword on one of the pews.

Now unarmed, he sat on the floor in front of Aerith's flowers, listening to the sounds of the redhead's hushed breathing. A floorboard creaked briefly to his right before he saw Reno sit beside him out of the corner of his eye. They sat in silence for a few moments, staring out at the phenomenon of those delicate flowers, all still living while the rest of Midgar had perished.

"Why are you here, Strife?"

Cloud didn't look away from the flowers – neither did Reno. He let his gloved fingers touch a white petal, blue eyes gazing on in awe at how much stronger than it looked it was. "I thought that I could help but it took us too long to get back from the Northern Cave. There's nothing more that can be done at this stage."

"I see." More time passed, making Cloud squirm a little at the knowledge that he _wasn't_ uncomfortable. Surely he should be at least a little apprehensive about being around this man? The man who, for all intents and purposes, had spent the last year trying to end his life, aside from the brief moments of truce they had shared. But...Reno seemed to have something on his mind – something bad enough to warrant him to cry and seek out spiritual comfort, it seemed – and, despite his best efforts not to be so, Cloud was concerned.

"What about you, Reno? What brings you here?" His voice was soft, bringing Reno out of his self-contained trance to look at him with thoughtful eyes.

It seemed for the longest time that he wasn't going to answer Cloud's question, but eventually his thin lips parted. "I'm–"

"Reno?" Both men turned their heads to see a woman standing in the entranceway. She looked around fifty years old and had long auburn hair, all pinned back in a formal-looking style beneath a black facinator. In fact, her dress was black, also, as were her shoes and earrings and her face bore a solemn look. "It's time."

Reno nodded, his pallor paling a little. "I'll be right there, ma." The woman turned and left the way she came, leaving the doors open. Sighing, Reno stood and straightened out his suit jacket which was, for once, buttoned up correctly. Even the rest of his clothes were tucked in and properly worn – another out of character trait.

Cloud looked at the space where the woman had just left and back to Reno, frowning as he put the pieces together in his head. "That was your mother?"

The redhead nodded and swallowed nervously. "Yeah..."

"Is she why you're here?"

"Not really." Reno's eyes fluttered a little, as though he were trying to hold back yet more tears. He quickly made his way past Cloud, trying to hide his face.

"Reno?"

The man stopped briefly and spoke in an unsteady voice over his shoulder. "One of those bodies out there? It's my brother."

He left then, leaving Cloud to gape after him and stew in his thoughts, hating the twisting feeling of pity he felt low in his stomach and knowing that, due to his damn heroic streak, he had to do something about it.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Reno felt drained as he slouched towards his new apartment in Junon – his old home had, of course, been destroyed along with the rest of Midgar. It was like someone had sapped all of the strength from his bones and replaced it with an ache that could not be slept off. He sighed and slung his jacket over his shoulder, undoing the first three buttons of his shirt and yanking it untucked, trying to find at least a semblance of himself to cling to.

Two things caught his eye as he approached his front door – one: the artificial pole-light which lit the dingy hallway was flickering steadily, indicating that the back-up power supplies were failing again, and two: Cloud Strife was sitting against his slime-green door, knees drawn to his chest with a thoughtful expression that suggested that he had been there a while.

The Turk cleared his throat as he approached, feigning a bored expression as he searched his trouser pocket for his keys. "You're in my way, yo."

"Are you okay?"

Reno glanced down at the fighter's upturned face, seeing the earnest concern in those blue – oh, so _blue_ – eyes, unable to stomach it. "You're in my way." He didn't want comfort. It wasn't his right.

Cloud's eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at the brown paper bag in his lap, gesturing it to his companion. "I brought alcohol – the strong stuff – and lots of it." Aquamarine eyes stared hard at the bottle in the bag – it looked like a bottle of his third favourite whiskey. Expensive stuff then – his taste buds tingled with desire. Cloud noticed his scrutiny, shrugging. "I know you like this brand because I saw you drink it in Turtle's Paradise when we were in Wutai."

Reno narrowed his eyes, hating the amount of thought that Cloud had put into his gift – couldn't he see that he didn't deserve it? "You're in–"

"You know how stubborn I am." Cloud interrupted, not even budging from his perch in front of the door. "I won't leave you alone right now. I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, but no one else is here." He tightened his grip on the paper bag. "I'll go as soon as I know that you're okay."

"Okay?" Reno snorted, ignoring the burn behind his eyes and the sickness in his stomach. "You think that I want you to look after me? Are you out of your fucking mind, Strife?"

"Probably." The blond stood, but remained as a barrier between Reno and his front door. "At least drink yourself into a coma with my whiskey."

Reno glanced at the bag again, craving the pleasant burn at the back of his throat that he associated with the drink, finding the offer far too good for him. He didn't deserve it, but he was weak – he just wanted a God-damned _drink_. "Whatever. You clearly aren't going to fuck off and let me grieve in peace – it's the least you can do to give me booze."

Cloud met his eyes, holding them in his intense gaze and analysing them for...truth? Maybe genuine acceptance of his offer, Reno didn't know. Either way, the blond eventually stepped aside, watching as the man before him unlocked the door and pushed his way into the tiny apartment, leaving it wide open for Cloud to follow.

Cloud swept his gaze around the room as he walked towards the bed at the back – apparently, Reno was living in a studio apartment and he hadn't gotten around to purchasing a sofa yet. In fact, it didn't look like he had gotten round to doing much of anything yet. All he had in the tiny space, besides the door which must have lead to a bathroom, was a single bed, a fridge which was unplugged from the wall – presumably empty – and a box containing a screwed up assortment of clothes and picture frames. Empty food wrappers were gathered in the corner near the fridge in a pile which was mostly made up of beer and whiskey bottles.

It wasn't right – even though Cloud had hardly ever known the red-headed Turk, he had never imagined him to live like this. He knew that Reno was rich, to a certain extent, so this squalor was not a result of lack of funds seeing as bank accounts had not been cleared as a result of the chaos. So...why?

"Welcome to my humble abode, Strife. Do you like it?" Reno's voice was a spiteful drawl as he leaned against a wall, sliding down it to sit on the floor across from the bed.

"I thought you didn't want me here? You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to."

Reno snorted. "Whatever. You're here now. I may be a lot of things, but I ain't rude and ignoring you would be rude, yo."

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows, choosing to ignore the fact that telling him that he was 'out of his fucking mind' was pretty damn rude, if you asked him. "I suppose. You got any glasses?"

The Turk snorted. "Yo, you being serious?" He gestured the room in general with one hand.

"Guess I wasn't thinking." He unscrewed the cap on the whiskey and took a swig before offering it to Reno. The man took it with barely concealed anxiousness, desperate for the drink that would burn his throat and make his guilt fade away, however briefly.

Reno drank deeply, pausing for a moment to glance over the neck of the bottle. "You want some more?"

The look in his eyes told Cloud that he _really_ didn't want to give the bottle up, but felt obligated to ask. Hmm...maybe Reno was right about not being rude, after all. In some situations, at least. "No, I'm good – I have to drive later. I brought it for you, anyways."

Reno nodded and carried on drinking until he had cleared nearly half the bottle. He would have kept drinking if he hadn't started feeling that sick, sloshing feeling in his stomach where he had drunk it too fast. It wasn't strong enough – he could still feel. He still remembered everything. "Drunk yet?"

The Turk glanced up, noticing the blur around the edges around his vision – Strife wasn't lying when he said it was strong stuff. "Getting there. Why? You wanna take advantage of me, yo?"

Cloud smirked and tilted his head. "I'm stronger than you – if I wanted to take advantage of you, there's no need to get you drunk." Reno frowned – _what_ did he just say? He shivered slightly at the reminder that the man he was sharing a room with had a prominent dark side – he shared DNA with Sephiroth, after all – that he rarely let out to see. Reno shook his head a little, the motion making the room swirl around briefly – he was hardly an expert on Cloud's behaviour and, for all he knew, this was how he showed his playful side.

"Right. Whatever, man. You think I'm drunk on half a bottle of whiskey?"

Cloud's smirk dropped, his cerulean eyes watching him closely. "I think you're trying to get drunk pretty fast."

Reno's mouth ran dry at the intensity of the gaze – why did he have to notice? Couldn't he just fuck off and not care? The words he had said were simple – not accusatory at all – but the meaning behind them was clear. Those eyes told him what he needed to know – Cloud wasn't going to let it go now that he was sure that something deeper was wrong.

Why _him_ of all people? Rude, his best friend in the world, had been to his place since his brother had died and even he had assumed that it was only grief that had driven Reno to this state. The redhead sighed and closed his eyes, blocking out the dizzying effect that those blue eyes had on him.

It was on the tip of Reno's tongue to tell him to leave – after everything he'd done, he didn't deserve someone to care about him when he needed it. Not when he hadn't been there for his brother. He needed to wallow in his self pity and not burden anyone else with more of his problems. But...he didn't want Cloud to go – he was selfish enough to crave a shoulder to cry on, no matter how much he didn't deserve it. "I know I said to drink yourself into a coma, but I didn't think that you would take it literally."

Reno opened his eyes slowly, staring at the place where Cloud's feet met the floor – he had taken his shoes off at some point, a fact which almost made Reno smile through his inner turmoil. "I'm not in a coma, yo."

Cloud frowned, noticing the sudden lack of fight that Reno had in him. The arrogant charade had been dropped in a matter of seconds, making him wonder what he had said to make the Turk react in such a way. He sighed and pulled himself up, strolling over to Reno and sitting down beside him, noting that his gaze hadn't shifted from the foot of the bed. "Seems to me that you want to be, though."

Auburn eyebrows drew together in a minuscule action, furrowing them in the slightest way. "What makes you say that, yo?"

The blond grew concerned at the way Reno was acting – his focus still hadn't moved from the end of the bed. "The fact that your apartment has no pictures on the walls, no paint or personal touches and lots of empty bottles of alcohol. You're hiding from something in your own head."

Reno's head snapped to the side to glare at him, his lips twisting into a scowl. "How the hell would _you_ know? I just moved in dumbass – I haven't gotten around to decorating, alright?"

"How would _I _know?" Cloud shook his head in disbelief. "I just spent the past year and a half shunning who I was and what I had become. I resented anyone who tried to help me and refused to believe that the memories that I had thought were my own were actually someone else's entirely. The memories that I did have haunted me and were fragmented and manipulated. But I _am_ sorry – clearly you know someone better than me that can understand hiding from yourself."

Reno's jaw fell slack at the outburst, mentally kicking himself for not realising that Cloud would know exactly what he was feeling. But...Cloud was so inherently _good_ – surely if he told him what was eating him alive inside he would shun him like anyone else would.

_No, that's not right._ Reno closed his mouth and licked his dry lips – if he could tell anyone, he could tell the hero of the world, right? It was his job to care about the vulnerable, right? Cloud would save him...even if he didn't deserve it...right?

"It...it was my fault." Reno's voice was so soft that Cloud had to hold his breath to even hear him. Not that it helped – the pounding in his ears from his thrumming heart was nearly overpowering the sound. He couldn't help it – Reno just sounded so...helpless.

"What was?"

Reno glanced up at him briefly before staring at the whiskey bottle in his hands – it hurt his eyes too much to look at the genuine sympathy in Cloud's expression. "I was meant to evacuate the whole of Sector 4, man. How could I not get to my own brother?"

And there it was – the reason why Reno was acting so strangely. He felt guilty – an emotion that, until now, Cloud was unaware that Turks like Reno could feel. "There was no way you could get to everyone, Reno." He kept his voice soft and soothing, knowing more than anyone that telling someone that things weren't their fault never makes them stop feeling guilty.

"Right...right." Reno's voice was steadily gaining volume, the hysteria that he had contained for the past week was beginning to spill out of the small gap in his emotions that he had opened to Cloud. He never meant to divulge too much but...Cloud wouldn't tell anyone. He just needed to get it out – to have someone tell him that it would be okay, even when he knew it wouldn't be. "I didn't even know where the fuck he was – I went to my Ma's house and he wasn't there. She was freaking out but I got her out of there. I just...I couldn't find him in any of the places that I knew he used to go."

"Reno..."

"She was begging me to find him." He couldn't stop now. It was all pouring out of him like a huge body of water – the dam was fractured and it was too late to fix it. He just hoped Cloud could handle getting soaked in the process. "I tried – I really did. But Meteor got too close – Rude dragged me to a shelter to wait it out."

"Reno–"

"And you know what's funny?" He interrupted yet again, his voice unsteady. "They found his body in the ruins of the old Shinra building. _He_ was looking for _me_!" His eyes focused of a droplet which had landed on his clenched fist in his lap, only realising then that he was crying. It didn't matter – none of it did right now. "I could have called him."

"The phone lines were out." Cloud's voice was gentle as he shifted closer and slung an arm around Reno's shoulder's, pulling him into his side.

The redhead froze briefly, unfamiliar with the idea of human contact being simply for comfort. _Doesn't matter, remember_? He clenched his jaws against the sobs and buried he face into the junction between Cloud's neck and shoulder, putting down the whiskey to wrap his arms around his waist. "How many was it?" He asked, voice soft once again, after a few minutes of trying to get himself back together.

"How many was what?" Cloud murmured back, his cheek resting on the top of the gelled-stiff hair below his face.

Reno clutched onto the warm embrace desperately, despite the fact that Cloud hadn't shown any signs of letting go, pressing his eyelids tighter together to stem the flow of tears."...how many people did I kill? When I blew up the Sector 7 pillar. How many brothers died?"

After a moment, Cloud shrugged. "How many people died when I gave Sephiroth the Black Materia? It was my fault that he was able to summon Meteor."

The head against Cloud's shoulder shook in disagreement. "Not the same thing, man. You didn't do it on purpose."

"Same difference. I did it because he made me and, I don't know what was making you do it, but you didn't want to blow up that pillar." Cloud's voice sounded so certain, Reno wanted to cry all over again. Why couldn't he see how much of a shitty person he was? Reno should be telling him to run for the hills, but...he was so selfish and the hug felt so nice. When was the last time anyone just hugged him when there was no other reason for it other than to hold him? Reno couldn't remember. He couldn't let it end yet.

"How can you be so sure, yo?"

Cloud shrugged again, feeling strange about answering in the way that he was going to. "...I know you." He'd never been so sure of anything in his life. Somehow, he _knew_ Reno – better than anyone, he suspected.

Reno bit his lip, pondering the answer. "Yeah...you do, don't you?"

Reno spent the next hour or so telling him about why he did it – about how Rufus' father, when he was in power, wanted all of the Turks executed for their disloyalty towards him. He spoke about how Veld, the ex-leader of the Turks, had been named a traitor when he had abandoned his post as leader in order to save his daughter from certain death. The Turks had been ordered to shoot him on sight, but none of them could bring themselves to do it and ended up helping him – the President found out and planned to have them all executed for it. When Veld and his daughter were captured, Tseng was forced to turn his gun on them in front of Reno and Rude – the President told him that if they died, then the Turks would be free to continue working for Shinra.

"It came at a cost, though." Reno breathed unevenly against Cloud's chest, calming himself down from reliving the painful memories of being hunted down by Shinra and seeing his friend and colleague gunned down at the end of it. Something Cloud could sympathise with, of course. The only difference was that Veld and Elfé, his daughter, didn't die after they were shot – Tseng made sure that it was all for show. A fact that Reno was not aware of at the time. "After that, the President kept on testing us for loyalty. He kept giving us tasks like set these huge machines on you and your friends when you were working as AVALANCHE and like...blowing up the pillar to crush you. He wanted to see where our loyalties lied – with him or with Tseng's little debt."

Cloud frowned at the redhead's last comment – over the past hour or so, he had felt closer to Reno than he had ever felt before. He understood him better and could even accept why he had done the things he had done. But... "Debt?"

"Yeah...he feels like he owes you, yo – for not getting to Fair in time." Reno shook his head and sighed, his voice lowering in volume once again. "You shouldn't have seen that."

Cloud closed his eyes and steeled himself against the remembered pain – he knew now that Tseng had tried to save him and Zack and he bore no grudge against the man, but all he could ever say when he thought about it was _what if_...

Maybe a change of subject was in order. "What was his name? Your brother."

Reno swallowed around a dry mouth, realising that Cloud still wasn't open to talking about Zack. "Ryan." His stomach...felt normal. He was so sure that it would hurt, or feel weird at least, to say his name.

Cloud pressed he face into Reno's hair once again, feeling his fear of talking about Zack fade away to be replaced with his sympathy for Reno. The man seemed to feel better after he talked things out, even when he didn't think he wanted to, so Cloud assumed that talking about the good times the brothers had shared would make him come out of this slump. Not straight away, of course, but maybe it would help him to express his grief more healthily. "What was he like?"

"He...was a real geek, to be honest – like, really smart and had no idea how to talk to other kids his age. He wasn't bullied or anything, I made sure of that, but he didn't have a whole lot of friends, yo. The ones he did have, though, they were keepers, you know? Really good to him." Reno shook his head, the shadow of a smile creeping onto his face. "Yo, the first time I ever caught him looking at porn was in a fucking book – had aliens on the cover and everything." A chuckle bubbled up from between his lips. "'Course, I teased him relentlessly for ages after, yo. I'm his big brother after all. But...he was happy. That's good enough for me."

Cloud smiled at the story, concealing it in the Turk's hair – Reno was just a normal person after all. He could care about people and form relationships. He just seemed so much more human to Cloud now. Nothing was going to be the same between them after this night, he knew. "Sounds like me as a kid."

Reno snorted. "What, you read alien porn?"

"Not quite. Just the geek part." Cloud shook his head, eyeing the whiskey bottle that Reno had been sipping out of throughout the night at a more rational pace. He had begun to relax more against Cloud in his intoxicated state – or maybe he was really feeling as calm around Cloud as the blond felt around him. "Want me to take you to bed?"

Reno looked up at the blond with a small smirk. "Thought you said you weren't gonna take advantage of me, yo."

Cloud sighed in mock exasperation. "Let me rephrase – do you want to go to _sleep_?"

Reno nodded and shifted his arms so that they were wrapped around Cloud's neck as the other man scooped him up easily with his arms under his knees and shoulders. He closed his eyes as he let Cloud carry him smoothly to the bed – he breathed in slowly and deeply, catching the fresh scent of washing detergent and a subtle hint of a nice aftershave, though it didn't seem from this distance that Cloud had ever needed to shave. He smelled so clean – pure. It was intoxicating.

He felt himself be lowered to the soft sheets before gentle hands removed his shoes and tie, making him more comfortable. "Is there anything you need before I go?" Reno opened his eyes slowly, revealing Cloud sitting on the bed beside him, looking into his eyes honestly.

He didn't know why he did it – maybe it was a combination of the alcohol and the lingering scent of Cloud on his skin, but in Reno's mind, it was the most logical thing to do to show his appreciation for the comfort he had provided. Reaching up, he grabbed a hold on the front of Cloud's muscle shirt and pulled him down, lifting his head to make their lips meet.

The blond froze in shock, his eyes open and taking in the sight of the auburn lashes of Reno's closed eyelids caressing his smooth, pale cheeks. The red tattoos that had always fascinated him seemed to be in sharp contrast to the man's skin at this proximity, framing his slightly slanted eyes and giving him an exotic appearance. Not that Reno had ever been dull looking – Cloud had always had a thing about the man, choosing not to do anything about it due to his fickle loyalties. But now...he had already admitted to himself that his views on Reno had changed...

Reno gasped lightly when he finally felt Cloud respond to the kiss, letting his lips part easily at the questing tongue. He regretted drinking so much because his head felt light and his mouth was numb, stopping him from feeling the full affect of the tongue caressing his own. Cloud's lips moved gently as the blond tilted his head and lowered himself onto his elbows, deepening the kiss by wrapping his own tongue around Reno's, drawing it into his mouth and sucking on it lightly.

Reno's body grew hot at the action, making him wrap the arm that wasn't gripping onto Cloud's shirt around his neck, bringing him closer. He tried to increase the pace, nipping at Cloud's lower lip and pressing his lips harder against the blond's own, groaning in frustration when he continued at an unhurried pace.

"Mmm, Cloud." He gasped, breaking out of the kiss, pressing his lips against Cloud's skin as he made his way to his throat. "Fuck me..."

"Reno." Reno took that as a sign of acceptance, not noticing the firm tone that the man had used. He continued kissing along his jaw, letting his hand stop gripping Cloud's shirt so that it could trail down his chest, revelling in the hard muscles spanning across it. "Reno, stop." His hand was stopped in its tracks by Cloud's own as the blond leaned back, away from him.

It was only then that Reno realised that Cloud was saying no. The young blond's lips were beginning to swell from his passionate aggression, but his eyes were soft and understanding – they certainly weren't _lustful_. "Just...just go." His stomach turned in embarrassment and disappointment – he really thought they had made a connection. His drunken mind couldn't comprehend any other reason for Cloud saying no other than the fact that he didn't want him. "Leave my fucking house and don't come back." He yanked his hand out of Cloud's and turned on his side, facing away from him, his face burning with humiliation.

"You know that I'm not going to leave you." Cloud turned and leaned against the wall at the head of the bed. "I don't want it to be like this if it happens."

Reno frowned and glanced over his shoulder curiously, ignoring the fact that everything he could see was spinning. "What?"

Cloud shrugged, looking down at the redhead. "I wouldn't want you to wake up sober tomorrow and think that it was a mistake if we fucked or whatever. I wouldn't want you to make the excuse that you were drunk or you were upset and needed comfort, and I wouldn't want our first time together to be forever associated with everything that we talked about today." He smiled sheepishly at Reno, reaching down to stroke his face briefly. "Call it the geek in me."

Reno snorted and turned his head back around to rest of his pillow. "Didn't know that you were so damn mushy, yo." But Cloud had seen the tiny grin on his face before he turned around.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Reno's head was pounding when he woke up – his mouth was dry and his eyelids felt like sandpaper when he slowly opened them – but he felt calm and content for once. He still had the lingering feelings of grief over his brother, but his talk with Cloud had reduced the feelings of guilt and depression into more manageable doses. He cringed a little at the memory of how he had acted towards the end, but, again, Cloud's words had made him feel better about it.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position, frowning at his blurry vision – something looked different, but he could barely see two feet in front of him yet, let alone pick out the details. Sighing and rubbing at his eyes as he reached under his pillow for his phone to check the time. 11:49? _Damn_...It was a good thing that Shinra was back up and running yet – no work.

Flopping back down onto the pillow, Reno winced at the feel of something digging into the back of his head. "The fuck?" He reached behind his head and pulled out a box of painkillers which had clearly been placed beside him after he had passed out. The silly grin that had been on his face when he fell asleep threatened to return as he realised who must have put them there. "You still taking care of me, Blondie?" Now that he thought about it, he didn't remember falling asleep with a blanket covering him – it could have just been him pulling it over himself in his sleep, but...Reno rubbed his face – he was being _so fucking_ soppy over the guy that he had only recently said more than spiteful words to. Whatever. It probably was the blond fighter who had covered him up – a thought that made Reno cover his mouth to hide the grin that had broken through his restraint. _Damn_ – he was a sap.

Reno popped a couple of pills, swallowing them dry before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, his feet coming into contact with a plastic bag. He snorted and picked it up, peering inside. "You really do have a strong hero streak, don't you?" Inside was a ready made meal in a Tupperware container – meaning that he had driven all the way across Junon to that little hostel that he and Tifa were both staying in until the new town around Midgar was built just to make him a dinner – a bottle of water – presumably to wash the painkillers down with – and a note. He shook his head disbelievingly, taking the note and reading it through.

"_Hope you like spaghetti – it's all I can make. If you need to heat it up, use a fire spell or something; you're a Turk – be creative. I had to leave to help with the rebuild of Midgar and I didn't know if you wanted me there when you woke up, but here's my number. Call me if you need anything. Cloud."_

The digits of his phone number were, indeed, scrawled across the bottom in the same, oddly boyish, handwriting. Reno laughed lightly and shook his head again. "How can anyone be so fucking nice, yo?" He murmured, putting the number in his phone – just in case.

He sighed, deciding that it was late enough in the day to assume Cloud was on his lunch or something – he wanted to thank him, as out of character as that sounded. He had helped him so much – more than he knew, Reno assumed. "Well, time to get dressed, I suppose." Pushing himself to his feet, he started walking towards the bathroom, freezing when he realised just what was so different about the room. "The fuck? He cleaned my apartment?"

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Tifa was casually washing down the surface of her makeshift bar, basking in the unnatural heat from the sunlight streaming through the window. It was late January, but the decent of Meteor had thrown the climate temporarily unbalanced, replacing the usually crisp weather with something akin to what Costa Del Sol would be like in the peak of summer. She sighed, dampening the cloth which had, once again, dried out before she could finish cleaning.

Her wise brown eyes drifted up to watch Cloud, who had taken up a seat at the bar and was talking to Barret in Corel – the gunman was up there with Marlene trying to settle from the chaos while helping to mine cheap, sturdy stone for Cloud to take to the citizens around Midgar to help with construction – a lot of the debris stone was too burnt or held too many bitter memories to use.

"No, it won't be a problem to drive up there – I'll just have to take a trailer or something." Cloud sighed and wrote something down, transferring the phone from one ear to the other to free up his writing hand. "I can't do it tonight – I'm too tired to drive all that way – but I'll be down there first thing tomorrow." Barret said something to him, making him smile in a small way. "No, nothing like that." Cloud rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever, man – see you tomorrow. Say 'hi' to Marlene from me and Tifa." He hung up the phone and finished writing whatever he needed to.

Tifa smirked a little, straightening the glasses in front of her. "He say something about you being tired?"

"You know Barret." Cloud shrugged, folding the piece of paper and putting it in his trouser pocket.

"Yeah, I do." Tifa walked around the bar and sat in the mismatched seat beside Cloud's. "Was it sexual or about you being weak and lazy?"

"Bit of both, really." Cloud offered a half grin. "Something about me having to try too hard to please someone."

"Oh, I see." Tifa snorted, stretching her legs and gazing around the half-full bar which they had put together after they returned from the Northern Cave. She cleared her throat pointedly and rolled her head his way, questioning him with her eyes. "What _did_ you do last night then?" Cloud averted his eyes and took a drink of his condensating orange juice, concentrating on it more than necessary. Tifa's jaw dropped. "Oh, my God. You _were_ with someone last night, weren't you?"

The blond shrugged one shoulder. "Sort of – not like that though." He blew a strand of hair – which had begun to droop slightly from the intense heat – out of his face, wondering if he was going to regret telling her. "I was with Reno of the Turks."

Tifa's eyebrows rose from shock. "_Reno_?"

Cloud's eyebrows furrowed defensively. "Well, yeah – why not? It's not like he's the enemy any more – plus his brother died. I couldn't leave him alone when he was so upset."

The woman before him shook her head again, this time with morose acceptance. "You and you're hero streak. That's going to get you into trouble sooner or later." Her face tensed suddenly as she looked sharply towards the entrance. "I'm willing to bet that it's sooner."

Cloud followed her gaze, his hand automatically reaching for the sword that wasn't strapped to his back at the moment – it was stashed behind the bar so that he wouldn't scare away customers. He stopped when his eyes locked onto aquamarine ones, belonging to the very man that they were talking about. The fact that he was accompanied by Rude, Elena and Cissnei made his nerves tingle with adrenaline, but he forced himself to calm down. Reno wouldn't bring the to attack him after last night, would he?

The redhead leaned back and spoke to Rude briefly, only receiving a nod in return, and then approached Cloud and Tifa. "Heya, Lockhart. Mind if I talk to your bud, Cloud, here?"

Tifa frowned and glanced towards Cloud, asking silently what he wanted her to do. He nodded, showing her that it was fine. "Friendly visit?" Tifa asked suddenly.

Reno nodded. "Of course, toots. I wouldn't bring trouble to your home turf – not now, anyways."

She nodded and walked around the bar again. "Drinks?"

Cloud lifted his orange, indicating that he didn't need one, while Reno ordered the same. "Still can't look a whiskey in the eye." He said sidelong to Cloud, surprising him with how openly friendly he was being towards him in public. "And whatever these guys are having." Reno told Tifa, gesturing over his shoulder at his fellow Turks. He thanked Tifa for the drink and lead Cloud to an empty table at the back of the room, away from prying ears. "So, a bar? That was fast."

Cloud nodded, sipping his drink. "Yeah...it's only temporary for some income. You know, 'till we get 7th Heaven back up and running in Edge."

"Edge?" Reno tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah. That's what we've been calling the space around Midgar that we're building on. I think it's going to stick."

"Right." Reno swept his thumb across the glass, watching as beads of condensation gathered around his thumb. "So, about last night..."

Cloud bit the inside of his cheek – was he talking about that kiss? He wasn't sure if Reno regretted it or not, so he kept quiet – he had put his foot in his mouth far too many times on occasions like these. "What about it?"

"I just..." Reno shifted his gaze towards the rest of his friends who were shooting glances towards the two of them curiously, but were otherwise making polite conversation with Tifa – Rude more than anyone, surprisingly. He licked his lips and brought his eyes back up to meet Cloud's own, trying to show the genuine meaning behind his words. "I wanted to thank you. I was really shitty to you but you still..." He lapsed into silence, unable to admit that he was glad to have been looked after.

"It's okay." Cloud shrugged. "I'd do it for anyone. Plus, we really aren't that different – I think you and I could be good friends once we look past our issues with each other."

"Friends...right." Reno looked vaguely disappointed at the term. He quickly covered it up with a cocky grin. "Yeah, we can be great pals, yo."

_Oh, balls_...Cloud groaned inwardly, _foot-in-mouth syndrome, yet again_. He was so bad at telling people what he wanted – he had spent too long pleasing other people and ignoring his own needs. _Too late now_. He put on a small smile and lifted his glass in a mock toast. "To new friends."

Reno's grin wavered a bit before he put it back on and reciprocated. "New friends." _Friends_..._shit_.

Reno pushed back the waves of disappointment he was feeling in favour of talking about Cloud's new role. "So, you're helping to rebuild...'Edge', right?" Cloud nodded affirmatively. "What you doing? Just the hard labour?"

Cloud smirked and shook his head. "No, I'm the delivery boy. The roads are bad and I'm the only one of the team that has anything that can handle heavy loads and can manoeuvre around the debris at the same time."

"Really?" Reno frowned, never recalling Cloud having a car before – he had used the Tiny Bronco and the Dune Buggy to get around before AVALANCHE took the airship and the submarine. Besides, Cloud had been a sixteen year old kid in the military before shit went down in Nibelheim – when had he had the time between waking up from a coma through to cleaning up after Meteor to buy a car? "What you got?"

"Bought a piece of shit bike from some guy a few days ago – had to offer free meals and drinks for a lifetime when we get the bar back up and running because I didn't have much gil on me." He shrugged and drained the last of his juice. "I'm gonna fix her up so she's in better condition, but for now she just gets shit from point A to point B."

"Right." Reno leaned back and imagined Cloud on a sleek bike...of what colour, he couldn't imagine, but the thought alone was – _sexy_ – too damn good for words. "You keep calling it 'her' and 'she'. I'm assuming it's got a name?"

Cloud shrugged and looked a little sheepish – a look the Reno was quickly growing attached to. "Well, I thought about Odin or Kjata – you know, for power – but I kind of like Fenrir. As in the wolf."

Reno nodded, finding it almost comical how appropriate that was. "Well, I suppose if Fenrir can help you with your delivery boy duties, then I guess that's fine, yo."

Furrowing his eyebrows, the blond tilted his head. "Yeah, guess I am a delivery boy now. Might keep it up after were done. A lot of people need stuff delivered and I'll have a bike that can handle the roads."

"A delivery boy?" Reno scoffed a little – not in distaste, but in disagreement. "You don't half pack a punch, Blondie. Seems a waste to waste that strength."

Sighing, Cloud rolled his shoulders. "I'm tired of fighting. I just want peace now – if that means doing something simple for a living, then so be it."

"Solid reasoning." He glanced around the room once again, noting how comfortable his colleagues had made themselves. The clock above the bar indicted that it was nearing 2 o'clock in the afternoon, but he supposed that conventional times and pleasantries were out the window until the world settled down from Meteor fall. "Want to get really drunk?" Who says that it's too early to drink? Cloud looked a little unsure, but Reno knew exactly how to entice him. "Betcha I can drink you under the table."

That got his attention – his blue eyes narrowed slightly at the challenge, his lips twitching at the corners. "You're on, Red."

_**Three Weeks Later**_

The dank grey walls of the tiny bathroom stall were doing nothing for Reno's shitty mood. He had returned to work once Shinra had regrouped and managed to contact the remaining employees with the details of their new base – which turned out to be some squalid little office block in the back streets of Junon. _Temporary_ – Reno hated that word so fucking much. Everything for the last month since the fall of Meteor had been _temporary_. This base was temporary, his docked pay was temporary, his tiny apartment was temporary. It was getting on his damned nerves.

That and the fact that he missed his brother so much. He thought that he could bury himself in plans to relieve Shinra of its shit-deep name – not an easy task with that new thing going around that everyone had been blaming them for. Something called...Geo...Geostigma, was it? Whatever – it was probably some gimmick that will go away on its own. Everything was _temporary_ now, remember? He thought that his work would distract him from the stomach-wrenching pain of grief from losing him, but it didn't. If anything, he was reminded of all those times that Ryan would call him to tell him about some school he had gotten into or even just to ask him about his day and Reno would always reply that he was too busy to talk right now.

Reno sighed and rubbed his face with the hand that wasn't holding his cigarette – the smoke being removed from the stall through a small frosted window that he had opened behind him. He drew his knees to his chest to try and comfort himself – he didn't care how pathetic he looked sitting there on the closed toilet seat, feet up and cigarette in hand. No one could see him anyway.

He would feel better if he talked about it, he knew, but no one was around that he could speak freely to. Rude, Cissnei and Elena were out – they were his friends, yes, but they were also his colleagues that he needed to maintain professional relationships with. Then there was Tseng and Rufus...no. Definitely not – they were both his bosses and, despite the fact that Rufus had known him longer than anyone at the company, he was still recovering from the Weapon incident and was under a lot of stress from trying to write his company's wrongs. In short, he was not the most pleasant person to be around at the moment. His mother? _Ha, you kidding_? Reno snorted at his own thoughts – his ma blamed him for Ryan's death even more than he did. They hadn't spoken since the funeral. That left...

Reno's finger hovered over the call button, not even realising that he had been searching through the contacts on his phone to find a well-memorised number. He hadn't called it yet, but knowing that he could had soothed him. Now...he needed to talk. Just...hear a friendly voice that wouldn't judge him. Letting out a breath that he had been holding, he quickly pressed the button an held the device to his ear, daring himself not to back out. "Fuck it."

He listened to the rhythmic ringing on the other end, inhaling the last of his cigarette before subbing it out on a small trash can to the side of him as the man on the other end answered.

"Hey, Cloud? It's me. No, no, man – nothing's wrong. I...just wanted to talk to you."

**I think I've made Cloud too talkative...oh well. That was the longest chapter that I've written in a long time -.- Plus, notice my excessive use of '…' – it's like an addiction. Hope you liked it .. x**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have so much inspiration for this story it's unreal – I'm already planning the sequel...but I'm jumping the gun a little. My other stories are on hiatus until I regain my interest in those categories – it will happen, I just don't know when. I'm taking next year off before university, so I should have plenty of time to write after the summer :) Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

**Not a whole lot happens, but I like this chapter...can't say why, really – just do.**

_**Chapter Four**_

Rufus pondered the scene he had just witnessed, finding that he could not draw a suitable conclusion from what had just transpired. The suitability of it being questionable in only a professional sense, of course – as a human being with feelings, as hard as that was for some to fathom, he understood. Cloud had lost his sight, which would be traumatising for just about anyone he knew – vision is the one sense that most people would claim to be lost without. Most people's livelihoods were based around the fact that they could see, Cloud included – after all, what use is a delivery boy who can neither drive nor read addresses, let alone find the place to deliver to? So the fact that Cloud had began to break down just before Rufus had slipped out of the room to give him some privacy was not so unusual. Reno, as Cloud's close friend – and more, most believed – had rushed to comfort him and help him in his time of need was also predicable, almost mundane.

However, Rufus could not afford to base his conclusions on emotional factors – he was a Shinra; a target. The raw details were that the world's greatest warrior had been taken out of action and his second-in-command Turk had become emotionally attached. Not a good situation, given that the place that he was currently located – unguarded now, no less – was still deemed hostile for himself. He needed to remedy this.

"Miss Lockhart, may I have a word?"

The young woman glanced up from leaning against the kitchen counter, mug of tea cradled in her hands, raising her brow. "Where's Reno?"

Rufus ignored the many glares aimed at him from the other residents of the kitchen and gestured in the direction of the living room. "Still speaking with Cloud – I believed that a more personal chat between the two was in order."

"How considerate of you." Tifa's tone was flat and clipped, yet she still placed her mug on the table and made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her. "Is this word that you need with me a private one?"

"I suppose it depends whether you wish your friends to hear."

For a moment she pressed her lips together and glanced over her shoulder at the kitchen door, before turning back and beckoning the blond to follow her. "I can imagine Yuffie and Cid with their ears pressed against the door."

They made their way along the narrow corridor and emerged from the house onto a quaint balcony, furnished with a selection of mismatching fold-out beach chairs and a picturesque view of the desert surrounding Edge. Tifa took a seat in a worn looking red chair in the corner, motioning Rufus to do the same. He chose a newer looking one to the far left, fearing any of the others would tear and make him fall on his ass like a fool, perching gingerly on the very edge of the seat. The balcony itself was very...serene. Rufus was unused to such simplicity – having grown up surrounded by lavish rooms and over the top furnishings – but that didn't mean that he couldn't appreciate the gentle breeze complimenting the desert scenery or the idea that, after a hard day's work, sitting out here and counting the stars with a large glass of fine wine would be very nice indeed.

The brunette woman sighed softly, looking very tired all of a sudden, but still alert. "What is it, Rufus?"

The man in question paused briefly, finding it odd that she would refer to him by his given name. Not that it mattered. "It seems that Strife's condition is serious."

She snorted in a half-hearted attempt at amusement. "Oh, yeah? What gave that away?"

"The fact that he just broke down in front of myself and Reno of the Turks." He knew the question was rhetorical, but he had no other way of telling her what had happened without seeming concerned. Tifa sat up suddenly, starting to leave her chair in worry for her friend – it would not do for her to leave. "He is fine – Reno is with him. You know as well as I how close the two have become."

Pausing, Tifa considered what he had said. It was true that Cloud and Reno were close – oddly so, given their history – and, perhaps, the redhead was better suited to deal with Cloud in such a state than she, herself, would be. She slowly sank back into her seat, tense and queasy, staring blankly at the clear night sky. "Yeah...Cloud is...Reno will look after him."

Rufus' jaw tightened in agitation at her comment – why, he didn't know – and he cleared his throat, eager to get back to his original point. "How are you planning to cover his treatment financially?"

Tifa snapped to attention at that, aiming a poisonous glare at the president. "And just _what_ do you mean by that?"

The blond kept his face smooth and unperturbed, raising a well-groomed eyebrow. "It was a question. I assume that you have not accepted help from the banks because you are too proud a person to do so. However, I do not think that that's in Cloud's best interest."

"What do you know about Cloud's best interest? Had you gotten your own way not so long ago, he and most of our friends, myself included, would be dead."

Rufus closed his eyes briefly, showing nothing else externally of the sickly churning feeling of guilt in his stomach at the memory of how he had acted back then – how he had truly believed that it was the right thing to do. He quickly regained his composure and regarded Tifa carefully. "This situation must be affecting you more than you are letting on – I was under the impression that you were far too...classy to bring up such grudges."

Tifa shook her head wearily and pinched the bridge of her nose, growing tired of how Rufus was dancing around his reason for wishing to talk with her. _That's not true – I'm the one who keeps bringing him off-topic. _"I am going to pay for his treatment myself. Cloud has a bit put away as well, so that will go towards it too." Might as well humour him and get this over with.

"I see..." Rufus frowned, crunching numbers in his head. "Strife mentioned that his condition is not physiological, so he needs therapy. Depending on the severity of the trauma – which, I suppose, is great – I assume that it will take up to a couple of months, minimum, of weekly sessions to begin to get better. Of course, he cannot deliver packages in his condition, so his income is entirely taken out of account, and he will need a full time carer to ensure that he does not come into harm. You may wish to hire one, which would be expensive, or become that person yourself. The latter would require you to hire more bar staff to run 7th Heaven, costing more money." He tapped his fingers along the arm rest of his chair, seeing Tifa's pale face growing whiter in his peripheral vision. "Tell me, Tifa – how do you expect to pay your bills? To buy food? Clothe the children living with you? Pay for things they need for school?"

The woman leaned forward, elbows on her knees and hair hiding her face, shaking her head slowly and biting her lip. "I...I'll sort something out. We'll get through this."

"I do not doubt that – you are a very resourceful person. However, I wish to lighten the load. You do not have to struggle."

Tifa stopped shaking her head and inclined her head towards him. "...I can't accept anything off of you."

"Why not?"

"Because...because you're you. You're Rufus Shinra." She raked her fingers through her hair, feeling the odd desire to take up smoking, despite having never been slave to the addiction before. "_They_ wouldn't forgive me." She jerked her head in the direction of the house, presumably meaning her friends. "I'll just...get a bank loan or something."

Rufus shook his head. "They wouldn't have to know. Besides, getting a bank loan would mean explaining the situation – this way, you do not have to reveal your business to anyone who doesn't need to know and you do not have to have the added stress of paying it back."

His last comment made Tifa straighten up again, her defeated look being replaced with suspicion. "Why are you doing this?" There had to be another reason, right?

The man shrugged gracefully. "My company owes Strife and yourself a great deal and–"

"Bullshit." She interrupted. "Why are you doing this?" Tifa's dark eyes seemed to whirl with emotion.

Pursing his lips, Rufus flicked his hair back indignantly at being spoken to in such a way, but chose not to comment. "My employees have become distracted and I wanted to see what the commotion was. It's not good for business."

"Employees?"

"Employee, I should say. Reno became distressed..." Rufus almost let himself trail off, but quickly added onto his comment. "and was not performing to his full capabilities at work, so I permitted him to visit."

Tifa, of course, noticed his pause. "Why would the great President Shinra take time out of his day to join him? You could have just asked Reno what happened and saved yourself a trip." Tifa's expression softened suddenly into one that was rarely directed at the young president: sympathy. "You...you like him, don't you?"

Tifa was getting dangerously close to the truth – something which Rufus couldn't allow. He opened his mouth to reply, but found that he had no answer. His mind was thinking too hard about how to steer this conversation back into his control but he found himself coming up blank. Rufus' teeth gritted, hating the sickly feeling in his stomach. This was _not_ how this was supposed to go. "I don't know who–"

"Reno. You like Reno, don't you." It was no longer a question. Tifa was wise beyond her years, gauging the reaction of one even as unreadable as Rufus to find the answer herself. She had seen the way that Rufus looked at Reno – professional and detached, mostly. But sometimes, when there was a time of true turmoil and Rufus let his emotional walls down, he would look at his old friend in...longing? Worry? She didn't know – it was something that, until now, she had considered to be a figment of her imagination. After all, it had never occurred to her that Rufus Shinra would love someone. But the fact that Rufus had come running when the situation caused Reno to be upset, despite the fact that Reno's interest clearly lied with Cloud? That spoke a thousand words to Tifa.

"He is my oldest friend – I care for him." Rufus checked his watch, not really seeing the time as he tried to calm himself before he expressed himself outwardly – _that_ would be unacceptable.

Tifa closed her eyes and relaxed back into her chair, looking oddly at peace now for being around Rufus. "Whatever you say. Either way, it shows that you're human with feelings and stuff, but..." She sighed lightly. "If it were true that you like him like that, then I would be more willing to accept your offer."

The blond frowned. "Why is that?"

She rolled one shoulder back and opened her eyes halfway, looking subdued; understanding. "I know what it's like to..._like_ someone like that who seems to be infatuated with someone else. I know how hard it is to be selfless and help the other person, just so that the one you..._like_...won't be hurt too." She rolled her head to the side to look at Rufus. "If you love Reno, Mr. Shinra, I can relate to you. I once loved Cloud."

Rufus swallowed around his dry mouth, keeping his composure. If he had chosen to confide in someone his secret...affections...towards his employee, Tifa would not have been the obvious choice for him – she was not under his control and could not be intimidated with job loss or the like to not reveal his secret. But...she understood. Plus, he was trying to help her, even if the reasons behind his offer were not entirely for Cloud. It wasn't as though he didn't care what happened to Strife – it wasn't as if he disliked him or anything – but...if Cloud was better then Reno would be happy again. That's all he wanted. Tifa understood that – she helped rescue Aerith before they became friends despite Cloud having feelings for her.

He saw that a peace had settled between them – not quite a friendship, but not enemies either. Not any more. Rufus stood swiftly and turned away from Tifa. "I will transfer enough money to cover your bills and living expenses for the next month into your account – contact me with the financial details of Strife's treatment when you find out."

Tifa's gaze was blank as she cast her eyes along the horizon, but she seemed to be listening. "I didn't say yes."

"I'm not expecting it back. If you don't use the money, that's your prerogative – it will be in your account by the morning either way." The blond straightened his suit jacket and feigned looking at his watch again. "Tell Reno that I'll be waiting in the car, please. Thank you for your hospitality, but it's really time to go."

"Rufus." The man looked back at her, brow raised. "Thank you."

**_Very_ short, but I think that this chapter is important for so many reasons – it's not a filler or anything, just a look-in on the other characters.**

**P.S. I've stared to use 'ass' instead of 'arse' now. I know I'm English, but 'arse' just looks plain awkward in writing -.- I'm a traitor to my own nation...oh well.**


	5. Chapter 5

**After speaking with Nigirisushi, I realised that I haven't put any warnings up about this not being an exclusively yaoi fiction – there are actually more straight couples than gay, but the main focus is on the Zack/Cloud/Reno pairing, so that's why I've called this a yaoi fic. So if anyone has a problem with explicit hetero scenes, there will be a clear warning on the chapters containing them and you won't be missing out on the main storyline if you don't read those chapters/parts of the chapter. This is a fair few chapters ahead, however, but I felt the need to give you all a heads up. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

**Warning! Mentions of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and a mildly suggestive flashback between two children, but it's nothing explicit.**

_**Chapter Five**_

It was another hour or so before Reno left, thanking Tifa for her hospitality and asking her if there was anything she needed. She declined, telling him that Rufus was waiting in the car and was probably getting bored of waiting. What Cloud and Reno had been talking about for over an hour, she didn't know, but it was hardly her business.

Sighing, Tifa settled back down into her chair in the living room, having taken Cloud to his room and helped him brush his teeth and change for bed. It was getting late now, but she assumed that Denzel will have stayed up to hear any news – besides, he was verging on being a teenager and had probably taken advantage of the fact that his usual bedtime was not in place over at his friend's house. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and hit '2' on the speed dial, calling Denzel's phone number.

The monotonous ringing sounded a few more times than she was expecting, but, eventually, her adoptive son's voice answered. "Hello, Tifa? Is Cloud okay?"

"Hey, Denzel." Tifa answered, trying to keep her voice light. "Cloud's...um...he's..." Should she lie? Tifa bit her lip gently, considering her options. If she were to down-play Cloud's condition, Denzel was surely going to figure it out eventually – he was twelve, after all; nearly thirteen. Sighing, she released her lip from between her teeth. "We don't really know, sweetie. I'm going to call someone tomorrow that might be able to fix him up."

"Oh..." The boy's voice was soft, almost vacant.

"Do you want to talk to him? I'm sure he's still awake."

"Yeah...yeah, thanks."

Tifa nodded to herself and made her way to Cloud's room, knocking lightly on the door. "Cloud? Denzel's on the phone – he wants to talk to you."

There was a short pause. "Come in."

He was sitting in his bed, just how Tifa left him, sat up against the headboard with his blanket pooled around his waist. Tifa frowned, realising that he must not have moved all that much since she left the room – if he wasn't sleepy, why hadn't he said anything?_ Well, duh – he's blind. What's he going to do? Watch TV? _The brunette pursed her lips, guilty at her own thoughts. _I shouldn't have left him – putting a twenty-five year old to bed at eleven at night? Surely I could have given him something to do._

No – this was all sprung on her. She was exhausted and was hardly a professional carer, plus this was only the first night – where did she have time today to figure out what to do? They could arrange a routine and such in the morning. Tifa approached the bed and took his hand, placing the phone into it before turning to leave the room. "Give me a shout when your done with the phone."

"'Kay."

Tifa only heard some of their conversation as she walked away – "I don't know, Denzel – I'm going to try. What do you mean? No, you're not quitting school – I'm supposed to be the one looking after you, not–" – and shut the door, but it was enough to ignite the fuse on a whole new set of worries that she wasn't even aware that she had – or hadn't had time to realise she had them, at least.

What would happen to Cloud and Denzel's relationship? The blond was such a prominent part of the boy's life now that he had begun to think of him as a dad, even slipping up and calling him as such when talking to Tifa. Cloud often took him for rides on Fenrir and joked about expanding Strife Delivery Service when Denzel turned eighteen so they could run it as a family business. But, now...Cloud couldn't take him on deliveries or to the park. He couldn't drive him to school or attend the field hockey games that Denzel participated in. He couldn't read over his homework or teach him mechanics...Denzel had already lost so much in his short life – he couldn't lose another father, surely. Even if it was only a figurative loss, the Gods couldn't be that cruel, right?

And what about Marlene? Yes, Barret was her father – in all but blood – but Cloud was kind of like her beloved uncle. He put up with her tea parties, singing performances and princess dress fashion shows – because she had just entered _that_ stage of an eight year old girl's life – and acted all big and scary when the mean kid from the park tried to push her over. He let her practice braiding on his hair and snuck her cookies before dinner when Tifa wasn't looking...he even sat with her on the nights she stayed and helped her read before bed.

On top of all that, with Tifa being so busy looking after Cloud, taking care of the bills – even with Rufus' help, she still needed to organise how the money was spent – cleaning the house and checking on the bar in every spare moment, how could she be a good mother to either Denzel or Marlene? She barely had time to make their meals and run them to and from school, let alone just hang out with them to ask how their day went...

Things were going to get tough...she just hoped that the psychologist had good news.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

It was strange, Rufus thought, that one day his favourite tipple was scotch, helping him unwind after seemingly endless hours of paperwork, and the next he couldn't stand the sight of the stuff.

Perhaps it was to do with the solitary hour he had spent in Reno's car while he was waiting for the other man to finish his conversation with Cloud – an unopened bottle of his poison had been perched in the pocket on the driver's side door, drawing his attention. He had assumed that Reno wouldn't mind him opening it, seeing as it was nothing special – just a generic supermarket brand – so he indulged himself to cut through the boredom. Big mistake. He had spent that time pondering his conversation with Tifa and coming to the realisation that he did, indeed, have unsavoury feelings for his fiery-haired employee – a realisation which was not well received by the young president.

However, when Reno had turned up in his office with a bottle of his favourite – well, ex-favourite – brand of scotch two nights after returning from their visit to Edge, Rufus just couldn't turn him down. There was something in his eyes that made the president think that Reno wanted to talk to his friend, Rufus, rather than his boss, President Shinra.

"Yo, you got a minute?" Reno poked his head around Rufus' door, shaking the bottle in his hand like an olive branch. "Sir." He added as an afterthought.

Rufus glanced up from his laptop, almost grimacing at the strange lurch he felt in his stomach at the sight of the redhead. He nodded, gesturing the seat in front of his desk, silently asking Reno to take a seat, which he did, as he sent the email that he had just finished typing to Reeve Tuesti.

His cool grey eyes met Reno's aquamarine ones as he shut the lid of his laptop. "I'm assuming that when you said 'a minute' it was just a figure of speech."

The Turk grinned sheepishly and nodded, placing the two tumblers that he had grabbed from the small wooden bar on his way over to the chair on the desk. "Can we be in friend mode?"

Rufus pushed his laptop to the side, rubbing the bridge of his nose at the strain in his eyes from staring at a computer screen all day. He pushed a button on his desk to lock the door – wouldn't want anyone to see him acting so casual – and leaned back in his chair, losing some of his previous stiffness. "What did you want to talk about?"

Grinning, Reno poured some of the scotch in each tumbler, handing one to Rufus, and leaned back in his own chair, even daring to put his feet up on the desk. He loved these talks he had with Rufus – these rare moments when the blond wouldn't even glare at him for getting dirt on his irrationally clean desk – because he felt as though their friendship was completely _normal _and that he had someone he could really talk to for once. It was just a shame how few and far between these moments were. "I guess..." His grin dropped as he stared into his drink. "I'm worried about Cloud."

Rufus sighed internally, knowing that this was going to be a difficult conversation for him. "How so? I thought he was going to a therapist tomorrow?" Tifa had called him with the details so that he could wire her the money for the treatment. Not that Reno knew that – the redhead had informed him of the appointment also, thinking that he wouldn't have known otherwise.

"Well, he's acting like...I don't know – like he's given up already, you know?" Reno shook his head, glancing at his friend. "He is absolutely dreading this appointment. Says that he hates the idea of reliving everything. Fuck...how bad can those memories be that his mind suppressed them so securely?"

The blond took a sip of his drink, his stomach churning in protest, and considered Reno's words. "What, so you think it might be too much for him to handle?"

"No." Reno pursed his lips, trying to find the right words to portray what he meant. "No, I mean that maybe it's better that those memories stay suppressed. He might handle them with his sanity still intact, but they're going to change him." He took a large gulp of his drink. "Fuck, they're not even certain that it will help him get his sight back."

"Perhaps..." The blond tapped a nail against his glass in thought. "Even so, I think it's high time that Strife saw a professional about his past. I wouldn't be surprised if he has been suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has been hiding it all these years. Whether he gets his sight back or not, it will be a good thing for him to be able to let go of the past."

"I guess." Reno smiled lightly – though his fears were not completely put to rest, his friend always knew what to say. "Thanks, Rufus."

Rufus waved his hand vaguely, indicating that there was no need for thanks, but he had something else on his mind. Since speaking with Tifa, he had been considering asking Reno a question which he knew would only end in disaster for himself. But he had to know. If only their friendship was better..."Reno, how close would you say you and I are?"

Reno blinked in bemusement at the change in subject. How close were they? Well...he would say that Rufus was his oldest friend – even his best friend in a weird, suppressed way – but they never spoke as if they were completely comfortable around each other. "I guess I would say that we're fairly close. I mean, I'd like for us both to be able to let our guard down, even if it's only when it's just us. But I'm not complaining."

Let their guard down...maybe. "Okay. Perhaps we could try that." He really would like to have a better relationship with his red-haired employee. "Would that allow me to ask you a personal question?"

With his mouth full of scotch, Reno had to stop himself from dropping his jaw in shock. A personal question? That was _not_ Rufus. At all. "Uh, yeah, I guess."

Rufus nodded, draining his glass in one gulp – for a bit of Dutch courage – and placed it on the table, his mind steeling itself against whatever answer he was going to get. "What is the true nature of the relationship between you and Strife?"

Red eyebrows shot up – nearly to his hairline – in shock. Rufus wasn't one for petty gossip about who is sleeping with who in their circle of 'friends'/acquaintances, so he supposed that the question was asked out of...friendly interest? Maybe. "Um...Cloud and I...I don't really know what we are, to be honest." Reno frowned, suddenly realising that this was the first time in three years that he had spoken to anyone about his love life. That was just sad. "All I know is that he gets pissed if I sleep with someone else and I hate the idea of him getting with anyone other than me, but all we've ever done is kiss. Once. And I was drunk."

Rufus nodded, grinding his teeth together at the painful twisting in his stomach and tight throbbing in his chest. He had been expecting something like that but..._fuck_. He didn't think that it would hurt this much. It was his fault for asking he supposed. "Why aren't the two of you together then?" Even if it hurt...Reno should be happy. That would make it okay.

Reno shrugged, taking his feet off of the table to place them on his own chair, bringing his knees to his chest. The president almost smiled at the sight – the redhead hadn't sat like that since the first day that they had met, eleven years ago. "I don't know." He mumbled, laying a cheek on his knees, no longer caring if it was unprofessional. Rufus said that he wanted them to be closer – well, fuck it; he could sit how the hell he wanted. "Might be 'cos of our pasts or something – we've both tried to kill each other before. And there's the fact that most of his friends haven't forgiven me for still working for you."

The president clenched his jaw, hating how defeated the usually proud man sounded. He needed Reno to be happy, damn it. That's all. "It doesn't matter what his friends think – besides, the Wutaian ninja, the Corel miner and the airship enthusiast hardly equate to 'most of his friends'." Rufus shrugged, relaxing his posture further, crossing his arms over his stomach. "And I really doubt that he cares about your shared pasts – he wouldn't be your friend if he did." He swallowed uncomfortably at his last thought. "He certainly wouldn't have kissed you."

Reno's looked up at his friend, his face brightening a little. "Yo, you really think that?" All Rufus offered was a brief nod, but that's all it took for Reno to grin widely. "Yeah...yeah, you're right!" He straitened his legs out, propping them back on the desk. "So, what do you think I should do? Ask him out?"

Rufus coughed uncomfortably and shifted in his chair. "If that's what you want to do..."

The wide grin and faraway look on the redhead's face spoke volumes about where his thoughts were at the moment. "Yeah...I'll do that." He bit his lip lightly in thought. "I'm visiting him the day after tomorrow – I'll do it then."

Rufus nodded stiffly and pushed his glass towards the grinning Turk. "Pour me another." His stomach didn't protest this time.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Make yourself comfortable, Cloud. Everything that is said in this room remains completely confidential." The soft, feminine voice – one which reminded him, painfully, of Aerith – told him as he leaned back, somewhat stiffly, into the cushions of the sofa in his new therapist's office. "My name is Dr. Leilah Howell."

Cloud jerked his chin up slightly in acknowledgement but remained tense in his seat. There was something about this situation that made his teeth itch and his spine tingle unpleasantly. He guessed it was because he was in an unfamiliar place with someone he hadn't met before, weapon-less and unable to see anything about the room he was in. He couldn't anticipate an attack should it come and that made him nervous, despite the fact that he knew that Tifa absolutely would not leave him alone in his condition with someone who wasn't trustworthy.

"How about we talk about what happened the night before you woke up in this condition. Did anything unusual happen?" The therapist – Leilah – kept her voice level, trying to soothe her patient with her tone. Cloud just shook his head. "Nothing? Try to think back – were there any variations in your usual routine that you can remember?"

"No. I was just sitting with Tifa in the bar." Cloud's voice was clipped and strained, trying to contain his discomfort. "Kicked a few guys out that were getting rowdy, but that's it."

The sound of scratching filled the brief silence between them, making Cloud assume that Dr. Howell was writing. "You kicked people out? Do you think that, maybe, you got a hit to the head?"

Snorting slightly, Cloud shook his head. "I'm pumped with mako – it would take more than a knock to the head to cause this." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Besides, the other doctor said it wasn't caused by a head trauma."

"Okay." The doctor replied, adding more to her notes. Cloud scowled slightly to himself – he had changed his mind: this woman didn't remind him of Aerith. At least the cetra would admit when she made a mistake – no, she just wouldn't say anything so stupid. "I suppose that the sudden onset of this condition remains a mystery for now." What a genius. "Perhaps we will have better luck with trying to tackle your past. It says in my notes that you have a kind of amnesia regarding some of your memories, but what can you tell me about your childhood, Cloud?"

The blond scrunched up his nose a little – _Tifa_ was a better psychologist than this woman. She at least asked better questions. "I grew up in Nibelheim."

"I see, and how would you describe growing up there?"

"It was alright." What did this have to do with anything?

"Alright?" Dr. Howell glanced down at her notes. "What about the incident when you and your friend Tifa fell down Mount Nibel?" Cloud's shoulders stiffened, his eyes closing tight as he shunned the memory. "Cloud?"

"Next question."

"Cloud, it's important that –"

"Next question." His voice was firm, but the therapist could see the fists that were clenched on his knees shaking. She took note of this and moved on.

"How about your other friends in Nibelheim? Who do you remember spending time with?"

"I didn't have any friends." The blond didn't sound bitter as he said that – just like he was stating a fact. It made the woman before him soften her professional attitude a little in sympathy. How could someone genuinely believe that they had no friends as a child?

"What about Tifa? Wasn't she your friend?"

"No." Cloud frowned at the thought. He remembered being so lonely, feeling like he could scream and shout but no one would give a damn. No one. Not even his mother, who was too busy– He stopped himself there, swallowing bile at the painful memory – it made him feel sick.

"What about anyone who you talked to? Neighbours? Shopkeepers? Children from the next village?"

_Children from the next village_ – why did that spark a memory? "I..." His mind reached out to grasp at something that was just out of reach, almost close enough to glimpse...almost – _dark hair_ – there – _pale, bare skin_ – nearly – _the_ _scent of sandalwood and coconut and trees and grass and dirt_ – got it!

_Heavy breathing in my ear – soft, masculine, new. "Cloud? Do you feel it too?" "Yeah..." And I do – an attraction, something that I have never felt towards any girl. Is this what he had meant? My new friend...he had said that it was alright for a boy to like other boys – that it was fine, it didn't make me a freak – but he's the only one who seems to think so. This is all so new – I've never even touched myself there before, let alone anyone else. But...he's my friend – he said it himself. Those __lips against my own and that hand where no one has ever touched – it feels so good..._

_Where did he go? He said that he would never leave me behind...not for anything...come back! Please..._

_I can't remember your name..._

"Cloud!" That voice was so far away..."Cloud, wake up!" Wake up? "What happened? I thought you said that he'd be safe here." Tifa?

"I'm afraid that I can't divulge anything from our conversation, but he seemed to be daydreaming after something I said and he wouldn't respond to my calls. After that, he passed out."

Cloud could feel fingers caressing his cheek, the coolness of them on his slightly heated skin bringing him out of the daze that he didn't realise he was in. He lifted his head, finding himself slumped in, presumably, the same seat that he had been sitting in during his brief chat with Dr. Howell. "Teef?"

Two hands were suddenly cupping his face, bringing his head up further to be inspected. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Cloud leaned back pushing her away gently. "Dunno. How long was I out?"

"Just a few minutes, but it is still a concern." Dr. Howell said, scribbling away at her notes again. "Do you feel up to finishing our session or do you want to pick this up next time?" The blond stood straight away, eager to get away from this place. "I guess that's a 'next time'."

"When should I book his next appointment for?" Tifa asked.

Cloud stood where he was as they talked about him, arranging how he spent his time, talking about things he could do at home, wondering if hypnosis may be in order to bring up some of his repressed memories. Did he have no say any more? Was Tifa his mother now, making decisions for him like he was a child? They weren't even asking for his opinion – what if he didn't want some stranger who sounded like Aerith to know every little thing about him?

What if he didn't want to know every little thing about himself?

"Come on, Cloud – I'll make some lunch when we get home." He left with his childhood friend, ignoring the therapist's goodbye and going into what Reno would call 'full-out brooding mode' as Tifa led him to the car and pushed her away again as she tried to help him with his seatbelt.

The ride home was filled with Tifa recounting what had been said in the therapist's office, as if he hadn't heard the first time, and her fretting about why he had passed out. Was he remembering something? Did he feel ill? Was he sure that he felt fine? All the while he gave non-committal grunts in answer. He just wanted to have a moment to himself.

Reno called later that afternoon, asking about how it went. "You passed out? Man, are you okay?"

Clearly – he wouldn't be speaking on the phone with him if he wasn't, would he? "I'm fine."

"Woah, stern tone." Reno joked lightly, hearing how tense Cloud seemed to be. "I guess everyone has been asking you that."

"Yeah."

"Hmm." The redhead's voice had a slight calming effect on Cloud, but he was still irritated and stressed and all he wanted was to either make a decision of his own or rant and rave about how pissed off he was – anything to ease the painful lump that had settled in his throat. But he couldn't be sure that Tifa wouldn't hear him – he could hardly see if she was in the room – and he didn't want to intentionally upset her. She was doing what she thought was right after all. "Did you make any progress before that, though?"

He shrugged to himself, turning over the object in his free hand which he had found earlier that day, before he had left for his session, in a drawer in the kitchen. It was rectangular and made of a smooth plastic with buttons at the top. He assumed that it was some kind of Dictaphone and decided to keep it, seeing as he couldn't write anything down. Once he figured out how to use it – and he got someone to see if it actually worked and had enough memory free to record – he thought that it might be useful. "Not really. I kind of remembered something though – before I passed out."

"Something that you had repressed or something that was just buried as an early memory?"

"Both I guess...it's nothing much. Just a childhood friend that I'd forgotten. Doesn't matter."

"Hey, it might matter. Did you tell the therapist?"

"No..."

"Cloud..."

"I don't like her. I hate the fact that I can't see what she looks like. Especially..."

"Especially?"

"Especially since her voice sounds like Aerith's."

"Oh..." The was a brief pause. "You want to sort out getting a different shrink?"

Cloud hesitated, considering it for a moment before shaking his head. "No...I think I'm just being harsh on her. I just..." He paused, letting go of his Dictaphone – letting it drop into his lap – in order to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. Talking to Reno soothed him, yes, but not as much as it would have if he was here. "You're coming over tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah – your other friends are too, right?" Cloud grunted in affirmation, making the Turk on the other end of the phone sigh a little. "Me and Barret will be best buddies soon, you just wait."

A dry chuckle left Cloud's mouth at that. "Somehow, I don't believe that."

"Nah, man – you watch." There was another voice at the other end, clearly talking to Reno. "Right now?" The voice replied, making Reno sigh again. "Cloud, sorry, I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Cloud picked up his Dictaphone again, frowning absently in disappointment that the conversation had to end so soon. "Yeah, tomorrow."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

'_dont tell him tht u no, but cloud had a memory at the shrinks place. think it freaked him out but dont baby him. reckon hes gettin pissed. Reno._'

Tifa frowned at the text she had received from Reno – Cloud had told him about what had happened but not her? That stung a bit, but she supposed that it was a good thing that he was opening up to someone at least.

'_ok – thnx for letting me know. Tifa._'

She put her phone back in her pocket and made her way into the living room where Cloud was sitting with Denzel, listening to the T.V. while Denzel was describing what was happening. Marlene was curled up against the blond man, fast asleep with a small frown on her face. Tifa smiled at the scene, but checked her watch to see how late it was. "Denzel, it's time for bed."

The boy looked at her with a scandalised expression. "It's only ten!"

"Yeah, it's ten. Your bedtime." She stepped into the room and leant down to pick up Marlene, having long since given up being worried that she might wake up. The girl slept like a log – _nothing_ would wake her out of a dead sleep. "Come on, move it."

He grumbled all the way to the bathroom, brushing his teeth while Tifa tucked his adoptive sister in bed. Despite his annoyance at being put to bed, he kissed Tifa on the cheek and patted Cloud's shoulder before disappearing into his bedroom.

Tifa sat in her chair with a small groan, eyeing the man in front of her. "Did you speak with Reno?" Cloud nodded, offering nothing more in answer. "Did you tell him what happened today?" She knew Reno told her not to say anything but...why did Reno get to know when she didn't? She was the one looking after him twenty-four-seven!

"Yeah."

The brunette bit her lip in agitation – why was he being so damn hard to talk to? "And?"

"And what?"

"What did you tell him?"

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"I just want to know."

"Well, you know what happened today. You were there. That's what I told him."

Suddenly, a hot rush of anger flashed through her – maybe because she knew that he was keeping something from her. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Cloud – what did you see when you passed out?"

The blond recoiled at the sudden snap from his friend. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" Tifa stood suddenly, keeping her voice down only because she didn't want the kids to hear them argue. "It could be important, Cloud – did you ever think of that? It might help you get your sight back!"

"I don't want to fucking share, alright?" Though quiet, Cloud's voice was shaking with building anger. "Why do I have to express everything? Can nothing in my life be private? Do I have to display my secrets for the whole world to see? Yes, Tifa, I know you're trying to help, but leave this alone!"

"Cloud–!"

"No! I've been interrogated enough today!" He stood abruptly and turned on his heel, stomping away before really thinking about what he was doing. The left side of his face and his left knee and hip took the brunt of the collision with the door frame, but it made him spin from the impact and land on the floor of the hall on his back, groaning in pain.

Tifa rushed over, forgetting her anger momentarily as she knelt down to help him up. "Here, let me–"

"No!" He pushed her hands away a bit more roughly than he meant to, but that lump in his throat from earlier had come back and he was starting to feel the hysteria which had descended on him when he broke that plate in front of Reno. "I'm not...I can..." His voice sounded chocked as he scrambled back to the wall behind him, using it to pull himself up. "I can look after myself."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

The whole house was quiet – predicable, seeing as it was nearly 3a.m. according to his digital clock, which read out the time at the push of a button. Good. He didn't want anyone to hear.

He pulled out the Dictaphone which he had kept on his person all day. Denzel had charged it up for him and emptied the memory card onto Tifa's laptop, telling him that there was plenty of memory now – "Enough to read out a whole book onto – one of those really big ones that Tifa likes to read."

He knew that he needed to get better – it wasn't just for his sake, but for his family and for Reno. He was already tearing himself apart with guilt over the argument that he'd had with Tifa earlier. Cloud just couldn't bring himself to recount that memory to anyone – it seemed too personal. Like it was no one's business but his own and that of the other boy.

Still...he needed to face his past...but he just couldn't stand being so open with anyone, let alone a stranger.

_Click_. "September 3rd, εуλ 0011. Memory 1 – Cloud and Unknown." If he could, he would help himself – face his own past and sift through his own memories. Be his own therapy. "Occurred at least sixteen years ago, possibly longer. Unclear for now, but the facts remain: one other person influenced the memory. A boy of a similar age to my own at the time presumably, dark hair, pale skin."

Cloud paused, considering how to summarise what he had seen. "This was how I discovered my sexuality."

**I feel really bad for Tifa. And Rufus...I kind of want to get him and Reno together but that will ruin my plans -.- Anyway, I hope you liked it! **

**Can anyone guess who the boy in Cloud's flashback was? Hint: he's a character from another final fantasy game and the fact that he is with Cloud in his memories is a small preview of the sequel to this story. That's right – I'm planning that far ahead! This story is already fully planned out – I may turn it into a saga...Please leave a review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A huge thank you to avatarTingal who has helped me put together a therapy plan for Cloud that actually will make sense in context. **

**Also, the whole 'purge of unsuitable stories' that fanfiction has going on may delete some of my fics for their adult nature – I'm not going to stop posting here, but if my stories mysteriously disappear from the site, I will create another account on livejournal or adultfanfiction or something and repost them there. I'll post the web address of the new account on my profile at some point.**

**Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

_**Chapter Six**_

"Damn it!"

Cloud jolted awake at the irritated shout that pierced the otherwise silent room through his partially open window. It was late morning – possibly on the cusp of being afternoon – and, while he ordinarily wouldn't sleep this late due to his military training making him used to early starts, he hadn't gotten to sleep until at least five o'clock in the morning, speaking quietly into his Dictaphone and trying to analyse every blurry aspect of his uncovered memory.

"Reno?" He sat up in bed slowly, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from his eyes..._wait...no – still blind. _Scratching his head, he listened for any other sounds – the kids must be in school already, but he could hear Tifa moving around in the kitchen. "Tifa?" He called out.

There was a pause where the sound of crockery being put down and then footsteps on wooden floorboards echoed into Cloud's room. When she answered, her voice sounded nearby. "You want to get up?"

He shook his head, assuming that the door was open. "I think Reno is outside – there must be something wrong, though."

The footsteps entered his room and sounded like they were approaching his window. Tifa let out a small 'hmm' of acknowledgement before answering him. "I think there's something wrong with his car – he's looking at the engine and swearing. Barret arrived this morning. You think he'll help?"

"Barret? Not a chance."

An agreeing chuckle preceded slim fingers being run through his hair. "Okay, I'll get him to help you out of bed and that. I'll go see Reno."

He nodded, pushing his blankets down and swinging his legs over the bed. "Oh, Cloud – wait a sec." Small hands returned to him, but they grasped the waistband of his pyjama bottoms – they were a lot lower than he thought they were. He felt his face flush as Tifa pulled them up, knowing that she must have seen a lot more of his skin than he was comfortable with.

But she didn't laugh – she didn't pause or hesitate, showing that she didn't let her gaze linger for longer than necessary. That's when Cloud realised how glad he was to have her – how sorry he was to be such a burden on her life. She was giving up so much and all he could do was focus on his own feelings on the matter – wallowing in his own self pity.

Just as Tifa straightened to leave, Cloud grasped her wrist, stopping her there for a moment. "Teef. I..." He gulped, feeling her eyes on him, even if he couldn't see them. He knew the confused look that she must have had on her face – it was the one she always had whenever he used to leave for no reason at all. "Thank you."

She let out a small gasp before leaning down and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her cheek against Cloud's own. He raised his arms hesitantly, warily returning the hug by loosely letting them circle her waist. They held their position for just a minute, but they were both so aware of how important the gesture was – he was promising to try harder and she was forgiving him.

"Well, I'll go get Barret." She loosened her hold, allowing her hands to hold his face briefly, before standing and leaving the room.

She didn't hear the quiet words he mumbled as she left. "I'm sorry."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Shit...shit...aw, fuck!"

"Reno?"

The redhead glanced sideways from the interior of his car's bonnet – which was propped up on the top of his head, thanks to Elena who had once wanted to look at a car engine for her driving test and couldn't find the hole where the bonnet-stay went into and managed to snap it in her attempts to find it...somehow. He smirked half-heartedly in greeting at the barmaid, turning his attention back to his engine. "Hey, toots."

The brunette halted before him, peering down at the machine – it looked normal to her. Then again, mechanics weren't her thing. At all. "Need help?"

"Hmm?" Reno lifted the bonnet off of his head and closed it with a sigh. "Nah, I'm good. Mechanical skills comes as part of the whole Turk package, yo. This old girl's fucked – gonna have to call a tow and then Rude can come pick me up later."

Tifa perked up ever so slightly at the mention of the bald man, making Reno's smirk return with full force. "Still holding a torch for my partner, eh?"

She rolled her wine-coloured eyes and gestured him to follow her inside. "Shut up, Reno..." Her voice only contained friendly annoyance – no real spite – and a far-away quality which indicated that she was certainly thinking about something. _Some_one_ more like_.

The Turk chuckled and walked with her through the bar. He frowned a little as he read the sign on the patron's entrance in passing – 'Closed for refurbishment' – but chose not to say anything. The woman had enough on her plate without Reno sticking his nose in. "So, uh...how's Cloud?"

"Took you this long to ask, did it?" Reno grinned sheepishly in return, making her smile. "He's...getting there. I think he has finally come to terms with it. Like, he isn't kidding himself that his recovery is going to be a cakewalk and that he is the only one affected."

Reno nodded in understanding, stopping at the top of the stairs, causing Tifa to pause as well. She glanced at the kitchen door significantly, indicating that they might be heard by the room's occupants. The man in front of her shrugged and spoke in a low voice. "I know he appreciates you, doll, even if he doesn't show it. He needs you, but you've gotta take a break – I'll take care of him today. Barret can take the kids somewhere and you can chill out and take the night off."

Tifa was taken aback at Reno's kindness and found herself agreeing in a daze. "Are you sure?"

The Turk snorted and waved his hand in a vague gesture. "'Course. Got my own agenda, anyway. I want to ask him something." That was only true to a degree – yes, he wanted to be alone with Cloud today, but he could also see the strain the situation was having on Tifa. She hadn't been given a moment to find her feet and it showed by the dark circles under her eyes and distant quality of her speech.

She felt like she should feel guilty over jumping at the chance to get away for a while, but she found that she just couldn't bring herself to. _Cloud will understand – he'll prefer Reno's company anyway. I think we're both getting a little stir-crazy being together all the time_. "You're not as selfish as you would have us believe, Reno." She smiled, gently placing her hand on the redhead's forearm. "Thank you."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Six, twelve...eighteen...twenty-six – no! Twenty-...four? Um...thirty-...two..." Denzel bit his lip, rolling his eyes up in thought. "Thirty-eight..." He tapped his pencil on the desk, frowning at himself.

"Don't get worked up over it, Denzel." Mrs White smiled gently at him, placing her hand on his desk. She was sitting next to him in the chair that his friend usually sat in – they were the only two left in the classroom, seeing as it was break time – and was helping him with his work. "You're usually so good at your times-tables and it's so unlike you to forget to do your homework."

The boy shrugged, pencilling in the numbers that he had already remembered. "An off day, I guess."

"I see." The teacher sat back and regarded her student, tucking a greying strand of hair behind her ear. "I've noticed that you've been having a few 'off-days' recently – is everything okay at home?" The pencil froze with the tip pressing rather harshly into the paper. His reaction to the simple question made Mrs White's alarm bells go off. "Denzel?" No response. "Is anyone...hurting you?" The tip of the pencil snapped and the boy's stormy-blue eyes stared at her in shock.

"What? No!" Denzel shook his head violently. He paused for a second, realising that denying it so violently would just make it look like he was being abused or something. "No, that's not it."

Standing up, the teacher walked round to the front of the desk and knelt down so that she was eye-level with her pupil. "Well, what is it, then? I'm quite concerned about you."

Denzel frowned, turning his pencil around and scrubbing at the desk with the little pink rubber at the end of it, staring intently at the black residue it left behind. He had always liked Mrs White – she was nice and wouldn't pick a student in class if she could see they didn't want to answer a question. She always let them out a little earlier on a Friday afternoon or when there was a long break from school coming up. She made sure that everyone understood what was being taught and she was never mean about homework being late in if there was a good reason for it.

But, he also knew that, as a teacher, if she thought that something was wrong at home then she would have to tell the headmaster, who would investigate his living arrangements. Living with a single woman and a gay – blind – man in a bedroom which he occasionally shared with a girl – Marlene – and in a house that resided above bar probably wouldn't look good to any kind of authority figure. And he _really_ didn't want to be taken away from there – not when he was finally starting to feel like he really belonged there.

So..."If I say, you aren't going to tell anyone?"

His words made the older woman look more concerned. "Is it something that's putting you in danger." He shook his head. She pursed her lips and nodded reluctantly. "Okay then, Denzel. I won't tell."

"Promise?" Mrs White smiled and stuck her pinky finger out towards him. He took it with his own – ignoring the part of him that was berating him for losing a few cool points for doing such a girly thing – and nodded resolutely. "Well...you know I live with my two guardians? One of them is sick and I...I don't know how to make him better."

The teacher made a little 'oh' sound and crossed her arms on the desk in front of her. "It's not up to you to make him better, Denzel. That's a doctor's job."

He shrugged and brushed his fingers through the residue from his rubber. "The doctor says he can't do anything. It's psycho...lic-al?"

"Psychological?"

Denzel hummed in agreement. "Yeah. He said that Cloud has to see someone called Shrink. Says that that Shrink will make his brain work properly again."

Mrs White chuckled a little at the boy's explanation. "I think what he might have said was that Cloud needs to see a psychologist. You're guardians probably called them a shrink because that's what most people call them. They're a special kind of doctor that talks to people to try and make them feel better."

"What, like you're doing now?"

"Kind of." The teacher smiled. "But they help with more serious worries."

Denzel nodded, slowly understanding. If Cloud or Tifa had actually sat him down and explained what was going on properly – rather than feeding him some garbage half-truth – he would have understood earlier. "I guess Cloud has had a lot to worry him. Maybe he still feels bad about Aerith."

Mrs White knew better than to pry far enough to get details, so she skimmed over asking who 'Aerith' was. "Maybe."

Denzel looked up at the clock above the dry-wipe board at the front of the room, noting that his classmates would be coming back soon. "I just wish I could help, that's all. Tifa is so busy all the time and Cloud can't do anything for himself yet."

The older woman nodded in understanding. "Maybe you could help around the house? Do the dishes or hoover the floors every so often? Maybe you could make Cloud feel more involved by asking for his help with your homework."

"Yeah, he helped me before...He doesn't need his eyes to work for him to help me with maths, right? I can just read the question to him..."

As the boy trailed off into his own thoughts, the teacher frowned at the knowledge that his guardian was blind. Clearly, it was a result of the illness Denzel was talking about, but what could possibly have caused a healthy man to just lose his sight?

She was going to have to watch Denzel's behaviour a bit more intently from now on – something clearly wasn't right.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Reno didn't get the warmest of greetings from Barret – who had _not_ been informed that the Turk would be coming, as he kept pointing out with a childish pout and his arms crossed against his massive chest – but Cloud...well, the smile he got from the blond still gave him goosebumps just thinking about it. It was the first genuine one he had given in days and Reno was proud to say that he was the one to evoke it.

The three of them sat in slightly tense silence, watching television – well, listening to it, in Cloud's case – until around quarter to three, when Barret jumped up, eager to get away from Reno, claiming that he was going to go and pick up the kids and take them to a movie and then bowling – "They deserve a good treat!"

When he was gone, Reno and Tifa exchanged a look before the brunette woman stood. "Hey, Cloud? I'm going to go out for a while – you going to be okay with Reno?"

The blond nodded straight away, smiling a little. "Have fun."

Tifa felt a lump in her throat – finally, he was beginning to act more like himself. But...if he was feeling better, why hadn't his eyesight come back? The small gestures that were beginning to show his normalcy were making her more and more desperate to find a way to make him better. _Reno's right, I need a break_...

Reno watched as she gathered her keys, phone and coat before bidding them goodbye and leaving the house. He took in a deep breath, turning to face Cloud, who was looking in his direction with a soft expression. "Hey, Cloud?"

"Yeah?"

"I–" The words jammed in his throat, refusing to exit. He could feel his heart beating an erratic rhythm on his eardrums, disregarding his attempts to unscramble himself. _Shit...why the fuck am I so nervous?_ He wiped his clammy palms on the denim cloth covering his thighs – he'd dressed down for this visit.

"Reno?"

"Uh..." He shook his head, ignoring his swollen-feeling tongue. "I'm – uh – gonna make food – hungry?" _Yeah, I'll ask him after that_. It would have seemed odd, the redhead reasoned as he stood up without waiting for an answer, if he had just popped a question like that out of the blue. _So...yeah – later's good._

"Um, okay." He heard Cloud mumble from the sofa.

Reno raided the cupboards to make a couple of sandwiches and found a pack of crisps each. Upon his return, he saw that the blond had moved to kneel by the coffee table, his fingers searching the surface for something. "Hey, Blondie? Whatcha doing?"

Cloud paused, inclining his head towards where Reno's voice was coming from. "Can't find the remote." His fingers continued to scour the table.

Reno's stomach turned with a strange kind of pity when he saw the remote in question lying on the arm of the sofa which Cloud had been sitting on. Silently, he placed the plates in his hands down on the other chair and picked up the remote, sliding it slowly onto the far corner of the table so that the blond wouldn't realise that he'd helped.

It was with a few more seconds of searching that had Cloud grasping the remote, grinning briefly with pride. "Hey, you did it, yo." The grin disappeared instantly as he remembered Reno's presence in the room. "No, no – I'm not being patronising or anything..." The Turk sighed, shaking his head – he was pleased that the blond was beginning to take initiative, but he had to remember how sensitive the man really was. Beneath the tough, broody exterior, he had a vulnerable centre, terrified of getting things wrong or being judged. And Reno had to learn how not to run his mouth off at every little achievement, else Cloud would feel belittled.

"It's okay...thanks." Cloud awkwardly mumbled as he pulled himself back into his seat while Reno picked up his plate and waited for him to get settled.

Cloud felt along the edge of the remote, feeling for the glass bulb of the receiver before turning it towards the television set. From there he let his fingers move down to the first row of buttons, finding the furthest one to the right and pushed it. The mute sign came up on the screen and the sound ceased.

Cloud nodded to himself and turned towards Reno, putting the remote next to his thigh on the sofa. "We can talk now."

Reno smiled, offering Cloud his plate of food. "Food's in front of you." He brushed it against Cloud's hand, allowing him to take it.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, with Reno still chewing on both Cloud's small achievements and how he was supposed to bring up what he wanted to ask. "So...what did you want to talk about?"

"Hmm?" Cloud hummed around a mouthful of food.

"You muted the T.V. So we could talk, remember?" Reno put his empty plate on the table. "Anything in particular?"

Cloud's blue eyes gazed blankly at his half-eaten sandwich – he took longer to eat than everyone else nowadays because, clearly, he had to take more time to find the food on the plate. Despite that, he had mastered the sense of knowing where his hand was in relation to his mouth, so that part was a lot easier that it was initially. "Not really...We just haven't been together – just you and me – in a while."

The Turk nodded while that giddy, nervous feeling reared its ugly head once again. "Yeah...I guess." He took in a deep breath. "Actually, I...I wanted to, you know, ask you something."

Cloud perked up a little, indicating that he was listening. "Hmm?"

Reno opened his mouth to ask but...word vomit got the best of him. "What do you think of Rude and Tifa getting together?"_ Not what I was going to ask._

"Oh..." _Did Cloud look disappointed?_ "Oh, well I guess if that's what they want. Actually...I think they'd be good together."

"Yeah that's what I thought..." The fluttery feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away and, no matter how many times he opened his mouth to ask his real question, nothing would come out.

"Reno? Was that all?"

Reno closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. But, to Cloud, he said: "Yeah, that's it."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Sometimes, soul mates don't have to be lovers. Sometimes they are the best of friends." The slim Wutaian man stood in front of his employer, hands clasped behind his back and suit and hair fixed perfectly – the personification of professionalism.

Rufus frowned at the saying, considering its implications. "That doesn't make it any easier. Besides, Reno and I...we're hardly 'soul mates', as you would call it."

The man smiled serenely, making a small sound of acknowledgement, neither agreeing nor disputing his employer's words. Tseng knew about Rufus' feelings for his red-haired subordinate – knew it before the president himself did – and they had discussed the matter of their relationship many times. Until this particular conversation, the blond had always believed that Tseng had been encouraging him to have a closer relationship with Reno in order for Rufus to become less work-orientated and...less lonely, he supposed. While Tseng would never reveal any of Rufus' secrets and would speak with him about private matters, their relationship was strictly professional. Rufus needed someone who was more. "Do you believe in karma?"

Rufus snorted and looked into his glass of whiskey – _Reno's favourite_. "No, I'm not a superstitious fool."

"Is that so?" The question was rhetorical, and he received no answer for it. The Turk director approached the desk slowly, eyeing the empty in-tray – remnant of Rufus' obsessive need to keep himself busy with paperwork as of late – as well as the bottle of good whiskey that had been moved from the mini-bar to its new home next to Rufus' laptop. "You may not be superstitious, sir, but you certainly are punishing yourself. You are doing a good deed by giving up your own happiness so that Reno can find his own with Cloud. That won't go unrewarded by the universe – I believe that."

_Doubt it_...Rufus sighed and straightened in his chair. "Why are you here, Tseng?"

The Turk stiffened slightly, realising that it was not time to push the conversation. However, the issue that he needed to discus...he wished to avoid it for as long as possible. _Hypocrite_..."I'm requesting some time off – a week to be exact."

"Oh?" The president nodded vaguely, appearing to be only half listening to the conversation – _Reno got to you that badly?_ "Yes, of course. You hardly ever request time off – it would be ridiculous to say no." He let out a dry – forced – chuckle. "When?"

Tseng stopped himself from letting his sympathy bleed into his expression, but it was there. "A month from now – my family has requested me to attend an event."

Frowning, Rufus appeared to resurface from his internal toil. "Your family? I thought that they wouldn't return your attempts of communication because of your association with this company." It was no secret that the denizens of Wutai still bore a grudge at Shinra for the war that had been waged in their homeland a decade before.

"They hadn't until a few days ago – they have composed a plan which will have the family name redeemed of its so called stigma."

Rufus raised his eyebrows, shocked at the bitterness in Tseng's voice. "Plan?"

"They have come up with an arrangement with a high-ranking family in Wutai. If I marry their family's heir, then they will use their influence to restore my family's previous honour and status." He said this through tight lips, his face frozen in a calm and composed, hiding the agitation he was feeling.

The president shook his head a little in disbelief. "An arranged marriage...I didn't even know that your people did that any more." He shook the whiskey bottle at Tseng in offering, gesturing the chair opposite his desk for him to sit in.

Ordinarily, Tseng didn't drink alcohol – he didn't like the taste nor the effects it had on a person's judgement and rationality – and he wasn't particularly fond of encouraging Rufus to drink more, seeing as he had been indulging himself pretty regularly since he realised his feelings for Reno, but he was frustrated at his situation and Rufus appeared to be receptive to friendly company at the moment. He nodded and sat down, taking the drink offered to him with gratitude. "It doesn't happen very often, nowadays. I can hardly say no, though – this may be my only chance to get back in contact with my family."

"Right..." Neither Rufus nor Tseng were very talkative men – and their relationship was hardly this friendly – but they sat together like this for hours, revelling in the company of someone else who knew what it was like to be in an uncomfortable and controllable situation when neither of them were used to not being in control. "So...this trip to Wutai...?"

Tseng nodded, sighing at the slight effects of the whiskey and deciding to cut himself off. "It's to meet my future wife."

**Dun dun dun...who do you think it is? An existing character? An OC?**

**I think I made Denzel a little too innocent for his age...meh. I know that the scenes are very...bitty and jumpy, but I kind of like the effect. It makes you see the whole point of view. What did you think? **

**Small anecdote: I freaked out a little when I went to save this beast of a chapter and the folder came up with the name 'Connection Error'. Got really pissed off before I realised that Connection Error is what I decided to call another story I'm planning XD I'm such a dick.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Shit goes down! Well, you'll already know most of the stuff that happens in this chapter if you've watched Advent Children: Complete, but this is Reno's POV, so...yeah. I don't really like this chapter all that much (except the ending). Either way...Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

**The 'three days after the disappearance of Tseng and Elena' bit is a guess – I can't find the time frame of Advent Children anywhere :( Assume that from the appearance of Kadaj and co. to Cloud waking up in Aerith's church at the end spans across...seven days...ish (I'm going by the number of times Cloud travelled to different continents – to get to Healin and the Forgotten City – and how much it seemed to go from day to night).**

**WARNING! The tiniest amount of maleXmale action here...it's a mega tease. I'm sorry -.-**

_**Chapter Seven**_

_**Cloud and Reno – Just Over a Year Earlier**_

_**- Three days after the disappearance of Tseng and Elena from the Northern Cave Crater -**_

The peace hadn't lasted long – two years, in fact. Whatever friendship had formed between the red-headed Turk and the blond saviour of the world had dissipated into nothing, it seemed. It wasn't surprising, really – their lives were worlds apart – but the shocking part about it was that it had been Cloud who had distanced himself first. Cloud, who had pursued Reno in his darkest hour out of sheer care and kindness, had stopped all contact with him, just like that. They hadn't even had any kind of turbulence between them to cause such a reaction. _Well...that's not entirely accurate..._

"_Who was that?" _

"_A friend of mine..." _

"_A friend?" _

"_Yeah, a real good friend." _

"_...did you fuck him?" _

"_Y-yeah. Yeah, I did." _

"_..." _

"_Cloud?" _

"_Fuck off, Reno."_

Reno sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose – that really shouldn't be the top of his concerns right now... Besides, was he supposed to just not move on with his life? It had been two years since they kissed and _Cloud_ was the one to suggest that they were friends and nothing more. Fucking..._fuck_. He couldn't even call him because the asshole changed his mobile number for no damn reason – _not true, one of those orphans spilt their drink on his old phone or something_ – and he hadn't given Reno the new digits before he stopped their contact.

Whatever, he had more pressing concerns. Their début mission representing the new and improved Shinra had not exactly gone to plan – they had gotten wind of what was causing the parasitical ailment dubbed Geostigma to spread so quickly and discriminatingly and had gone to the Northern Cave Crater to collect and destroy the source: Jenova – or her head, to be more precise. This would have redeemed the Shinra name to an extent – the public were baying for their blood because the media had decided that Geostigma was their fault and were appealing to the denizens to petition for the old employees to be held responsible. If they cleared their name by curing the disease that Reno had once brushed off as being nothing to worry about would allow them to finally reinstate themselves and build the company back up to its former glory.

That had been the plan, anyway. But someone had gotten there first and took down two of the company's top agents, Tseng and Elena. Reno felt like such a chicken-shit for leaving them behind – he didn't even know if they were alive – but he knew that Jenova's head could not fall into the wrong hands. He wasn't sure if his own were the right ones, but those of whoever had attacked them definitely were the wrong ones – something deep in his gut told him that something bad was going to go down if they got hold of it.

On top of that, Reno had returned to Healin to report the bad news to Rufus and Rude, who had stayed behind to guard their boss, only to find his oldest friend laying on his bed in a cold sweat. He had writhed around in agony, clutching his face and groaning painfully – begging Reno to make it stop. He'd never seen anyone act like that – especially his employer – and thought that he was dying. In retrospect, he _was_ dying, but it turned out to be an attack of Geostigma. The man's movements had slowed as he panted from the exertion, his eyes fading from that unnatural Mako-green with cat-like slits for pupils back into his own steely grey ones with excessively constricted black holes in the middle from the stress.

Everything from the mission fell out of his mind for the hours it took for Rufus to recover – he had just sat there on the bed, gripping his friend's hand and listening to him breathe, panicking whenever it took too long for him to take the next breath in after an exhale. The skin his left eye had taken on black pigmentation and Reno's throat closed up – Rufus had it. His oldest friend was going to die and it hurt so much – the eyes which stared back at him with that peculiar expression Rufus sometimes got when looking at him wouldn't be looking at him for much longer.

Rufus had gotten up after a while and got Reno to wrap bandages around the affected part of his face, ordering him to finally deliver the report from his mission. The news darkened the already gloomy atmosphere all the more and the young President decided that they needed more appropriate means to guard the head.

And that was how he ended up here, about to call 7th Heaven. Reno didn't particularly want to speak with Cloud after being ignored by him for three weeks, but he really didn't have a choice – it was a direct order and the broody blond was their only hope. The attackers appeared to have an unholy strength, only ever demonstrated before by the SOLDIERs and experiments and Cloud was the only person alive that could match it, to anyone's knowledge.

Sighing, Reno dialled the familiar number and pressed the device to his ear, listening to the rhythmic ringing. The voice which answered, however, was far too feminine to be the man he had called to talk to. "Hello, Strife delivery service – you name it, we deliv–"

"No need for formalities, Tifa."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Tifa, doll, it's me – Reno. Been a while, right?"

A soft laugh sounded on the other end of the phone. "Yeah, I remember you. What do you need?"

"Yo, can't a guy call a lady just for a chat?" His only answer was a disbelieving snort. "Yeah, you're right. Can I talk to Cloud? Jerk didn't give me his new number."

"Oh..." _What_? Reno's heart slammed into his ribcage – he really didn't like the sound of that 'oh'. Was something wrong with Cloud? He couldn't deal with that – not with Rufus in the condition he was in and his two colleagues MIA. "Reno, Cloud's not here."

_Oh, thank Gaia_..._he's just out_. "Alright, yo – can you get him to call me when he gets back?"

"Reno...I don't know if he's coming back."

Reno pressed his eyelids tightly closed – he didn't really know why that statement made his heart beat rapidly in fear, but he had a really bad feeling about it. "W-what?" _Fuck_...he had tried so hard not to stutter...

"Yeah...he just took off a few weeks ago – didn't say anything to anyone. No one's heard from him since. Actually, I had been kind of hoping that you had been talking to him, but clearly not...Um, I'm sure he still checks his voice mail, even if he doesn't answer the phone. I can leave a message for you?"

_At least it's not about me...but what could have made him take off like that? Doesn't he have all those kids he's taken in to consider?_ "Yeah...yeah, thanks. Just tell him..." Reno frowned, knowing that it wasn't safe to let everyone know the details of what was going on. "Tell him that I've got work for him, yo – he can find me at the Healin Lodge."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

It had only been about half an hour since he had made that call to 7th Heaven before his phone rang. His heart leapt to his throat when he realised that it was an unregistered number – _Cloud's new phone? –_ and he quickly answered it, eager to hear the blond's smooth baritone despite being reluctant to speak with him earlier. He wanted to know why he disappeared so suddenly if it wasn't because of their sort-of argument – hadn't he said something about researching a cure for one of the kids that was living with him, Denzel? Why would he stop all of a...

_It's because he couldn't find a cure_. Reno was sure. That would be the only reason why he would leave – he couldn't face watching the child die, unable to do anything. _Who ever said I didn't know you, Blondie?_

"Yo, Cloud? Is that you?"

"I recognise this voice – you were the one who took mother, weren't you?" ...say what? _This isn't __Cloud._

"Who the fuck is this?" The roar of motorcycles sounded from the other end of the phone.

"My name is, Kadaj and I'm looking for my mother. Where is she?" The kid sounded deranged, was Reno's opinion, but he felt a little bad for him – he had lost his mother, which would make anyone irrational. How he had gotten his number and why he was calling him escaped Reno's reach of reason, but he brushed it off.

"Ah – look, Kadaj? I don't know where your mother is, but maybe you should call the police. Do you know how to call them, kid?"

"Liar! You know where mother is." The words should have been said in an angry tone, but the childish voice was full of amusement. Reno was starting to feel a little uneasy.

"Uh, I'm sorry about your ma, kid, but I really don't know where she is. I'm going to hang up–"

"You were with those other Turks when we went to find her – you ran into your helicopter and flew away, you coward. Now, no matter how much we hurt them, they won't tell us where she is!"

Reno's blood ran cold and he started to re-evaluate everything that had been said in their short conversation: Tseng and Elena were being tortured, but at least they were still alive – _for now_ – and this kid wanted his mother, who had supposedly been taken by Reno. His quick military mind reasoned that the only thing that he could be referring to was Jenova's head – how could that be his mother? Unless...

_Oh shit_...Only one other deranged psycho of a man had called Jenova mother and he should be wallowing in the lifestream. Reno knew then, even more than ever, that letting him know that Jenova was in their hands would be a _bad_ idea. "That was you? You fucker! I dropped what I was trying to get out the chopper when I was getting away, yo!" His lips felt numb – from the lie or from the knowledge that some kind of Sephiroth spawn was on the other end of the phone, he didn't know.

"I didn't see it drop. May I remind you that I have two of your little Turk friends? The blond is quite the screamer."

Ordinarily, Reno tried to be professional in the face of insults, but his patience was shot and hearing him taunt the young girl that he had tortured was the last straw. "You asshole! Leave her alone! I'll kill you, I swear to Gaia! No, I'll kill that damn mother of yours wherever she is."

"You tell me – you're leading me on because I think you do have mother there."

"What the fuck? You're making no Gaia-damned sense!"

"No need to shout." Again, there was amusement in his tone, making Reno seethe with more anger. Rude had appeared in the room to see what the commotion was. "I don't want to talk to you any more – put the President on."

"You can talk to my ass, you little shit. When I get my hands on you–"

"Reno." The Turk looked up, grinding his teeth in response to the laughter at the other end of the phone. Rufus was standing next to Rude – albeit shakily – and was holding his hand out for the phone. The redhead passed it over reluctantly and listened to the one-sided conversation. Rufus neither confirmed nor denied that he was the president of Shinra and he gave nothing away in regards to the possession of Jenova's head. He merely listened to the psychotic drivel being spouted by the kid that called himself Kadaj and, presumably, drew his own conclusions about just who he was talking to. "I apologise, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Goodbye." He promptly hung up the phone and fixed his gaze onto Reno. "Explain."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

In less than twelve hours, Rufus' condition had weakened to the point of needing a wheelchair to get around. Reno had called Tifa again to ask her to tell Cloud to hurry the fuck up – he was getting nervous, but he didn't tell her that. She knew something was wrong though – he couldn't quite keep the stress out of his voice. Either way, she promised to pass the message along, sounding anxious as she did so.

He was more than a little nervous as he waited with Rufus and Rude in the small kitchen, jumping at every little sound – not enough to be noticed by Rufus in his ill health, but certainly enough for Rude to see it. Reno could feel the eyes of the large man on him, questioning him without words – he refused to answer, though, no matter how long he stared. How could he explain to him that he was deeply unnerved by a person that he had only spoken on the phone to? He was a Turk, for crying out loud! He shouldn't be this spooked.

The sound of a motorcycle reached the lodge a couple of hours before nightfall, making Reno's senses tense – he remembered that distinct sound from talking with Kadaj and the irrational side of his brain was telling him that it was that delusional kid coming to get them. _One kid?_ No problem for himself and Rude, surely? That was what his rational side was trying to tell him, but something about the guy made his teeth itch. Reno glanced at Rude – communicating with him silently – and stood, making his way into the front room while Rude found something to cover Rufus and Jenova's head. He stood in the middle of the next room, staring intently at the door, his heart hammering away in his chest.

The roar of the bike stopped and the sound of heavy footsteps stomping up the stairs followed soon after. Reno gripped his Electro-Magnetic Rod in his left hand, swallowing around his suddenly dry throat, and braced himself for an attack. A metallic hiss of a sword being drawn preceded the door being suddenly thrown open.

Without pause, Reno jumped to action, striking out with his EMR at the black and blond blur coming towards him. Their weapons clashed, stilling them and giving Reno a moment to survey his attacker, only to find that it wasn't who he thought it would be at all.

_Cloud_. It took him not even a second to realise that there was something very different about the blond from the last time they saw each other – be it the dark circles beneath his eyes, the obvious loss of weight or the prominence of the green ring around his pupils, Reno didn't know. _Is he sick?_

The redhead felt a flash of annoyance shoot through him suddenly. How fucking _dare_ he ignore everyone the way he had? How dare he ignore his responsibilities when everyone else had to fight so hard? Fuck, how dare he fall off the face of the planet without even a courtesy phone call – _I thought I was worth more than that to you. _Reno really didn't feel like giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment – that surprised and hurt look on Cloud's face didn't warrant any emotional response from him, for once.

The Turk drew back, scowling, before he raised his weapon again, flying at the blond with a cry of exertion. Cloud was too quick, though, steeping lightly to the side so Reno ran through the open door, stopping himself just in time before he tumbled into the stair barrier. He recovered quickly, turning to see Cloud staring at him with his hand on the door – that hurt look was still on his face, making Reno's stomach lurch, a more familiar reaction to seeing the blond in distress. But, still...Reno started to run at the door, only to have it slammed in his face.

He sighed quietly, expecting nothing less – he had never beaten Cloud in a physical fight before, so why would now be any different? Not that he could have brought himself to actually hurt the man – maybe attacking Cloud wasn't the best decision. After all, the blond had only shut the door on him rather than opting to hurt him back...

"Okay, so you're good." Reno didn't know how to act other than cocky and, when he heard the lock click, he feared that this might have officially ended whatever relationship he and Cloud had formed for good.

He peered through the mostly shut blinds and saw his partner standing in front of the blond warrior. "Yeah, Rude! Looking sharp." Man, he couldn't shut himself up – he was surely pissing Cloud off all the more with his continuous comments but he just couldn't stop. Especially when he was upset. Especially since he'd already fucked up royally.

Rufus had entered the room at some point and was conversing with a reluctant Cloud – Reno kicked himself at every little comment he made, not able to zip his lip for ten Gaia-damned minutes. He got a strong sickly feeling in his stomach when Cloud kicked the door violently in response to Reno's 'You're our buddy, aren't ya?'. He knew he sounded mocking, but he just didn't know how to fix this. His loud mouth was one of his many self-destructive defence mechanisms.

He tried to shut himself up while Rufus spoke with him after that, listening closely to the conversation – Cloud sounded so...detached. What the fuck had happened? Again, that small feeling of anger reared its ugly head – why hadn't he told Reno about what was bothering him?

The door in front of him was suddenly unlocked and pulled open a little – all he could see was one blue-green eye, but it refused to look back. He could hear everything being said now, without the wall muffling their words. "What's all this stuff about...mother?"

Had Kadaj called Cloud too? _No, genius – he said earlier that he was attacked by...them_...There's more than one? _Shit, I should have paid more attention_.

"Why, did Kadaj say something to you? No surprise, there are plenty of kids who miss their mothers – that's the world we live in. I hear there are orphans living with you?" _Rufus...don't use the kids_... "Think about it – don't you want to put smiles back on their faces?" _Damn you_... "All we want in the end is to rebuild our world, Cloud." He couldn't have lead with that?

The silence stretched for not even a minute, but that was long enough to make that little bit of anger swirl around inside Reno's chest again as Cloud turned to face Rufus._ He didn't even look at me!_ He knew that what he was thinking would be a really stupid thing to say while they really needed Cloud's assistance, but he couldn't help but antagonise him... "But, I–"

"Come on, Cloud – think about it. Together we could rebuild Shinra."

Cloud's whole demeanour changed – he spun on his heel and pushed past Reno, barely missing him with his sword as it swung in his hand. "Not interested."

"Reno!" Both Rufus and Rude said it, but his boss sounded angry – Rude just sounded exasperated – making him glance back at the door with an apologetic expression on his face. However, Reno had something else on his mind, pushing out his boss' anger and how he had screwed up their chances of getting help against the psychos who wanted their 'mother' all over his petty anger.

_He didn't even look at me._

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Rufus had begun to reprimand Reno for running his mouth off but he couldn't find the breath to shout. His left eye flashed a bright green before he covered it with his hands and started to sweat and groan in pain. The red-haired Turk knelt in front of him, whispering soothing words and stroking his hair, trying to calm him down – it was an odd feeling to act this way towards his employer, but he kept telling himself that Rufus was his friend too, so it should be fine. The attack only lasted a few minutes, but it drained Rufus into unconsciousness.

"Yo, is he okay?" Reno looked up at his dark-skinned parter as he came back into the room, having just put Rufus in his bed.

"He'll be fine." Rude's deep voice always had a calming effect on Reno, making him wish that he and his partner were closer, friend-wise. Their relationship had always been professional and Reno hated it – _well, I'll just have to change that_... "He was awake when I left the room and he could talk."

Reno nodded absently, glad that his boss was going to be okay – his emotions didn't know what to do, they were so overstretched. So many questions and worries were whizzing through his mind, it was impossible to keep up. Would Rufus be okay? What was wrong with Cloud? Will Rude and he develop a better relationship? Did Cloud hate him now? When would that psycho kid get here and what would he do? Why had Cloud covered his arm? How many enemies were they to face this time? Why did Tifa have Cloud's phone number when he didn't? Were Elena and Tseng still alive?...

Reno took a deep breath and ignored how many of his concerns revolved around the blond-haired fighter. "Now we just gotta find Elena and the Director." He stormed over to the love seat which was pushed against the wall and threw himself onto it, arms behind his head and sighing. Looking at Rude, who was still standing stiffly as if he was unused to speaking with such familiarity to co workers – _well, I suppose he isn't used to it_. Reno raised his eyebrows. "The other employees give you any leads?"

The larger man walked past the sofa Reno was laying on. "No, nothing yet."

Reno sighed and tried to push Rude into saying something...less formal, at least. "Who'da thunk? A lot of Shinra's people actually returned to work." He sat up, twisting to face Rude, who was staring through the half-closed blinds covering the large window. "Now that's dedication! I'm telling you, this could be a fresh start."

"Well, those left alive have a lot to atone for." _Woah...now it's definitely getting personal_. That's good...right?

The redhead returned to his reclined position in thought. "Two years already..." _Since we kissed, __since it all ended_ – Reno could have been talking about anything. He let out a half-hearted laugh. "Seems a lot longer than that." The years seemed to have stretched and Reno blamed the uncertainty of his own life for that – would Shinra ever be great again? Would another enemy rear its head? ..._will Cloud and I finally get together?_ All three of those questions seemed to have an answer now, none of which he liked. "What a nightmare, huh?" Rude looked at him in question, making the redhead quickly derail his thoughts. "The world was nearly obliterated, and we were the obiterators." He sat up, looking at Rude in earnest – he hoped – and tried to relate it to what Rude had been saying before. None of his mixed up thoughts made sense any more. "Seriously, though. How are we ever supposed to atone for that? Too bad the Director's not around, you know?"

The large Turk turned around finally, looking at Reno as he approached the love seat. "Elena, too." Reno would have grinned at the success of getting Rude to speak with him casually if it weren't for the subject of their discussion.

His face grew drawn with worry at the thought of what those monsters might be doing to their colleagues. "Hope they're alive..."

"They are." Rude actually sat down next to his partner, but it was the assured tone of his voice that made Reno look at him in shock. The dark man kept his gaze on his lap while he spoke. "Tseng's just like the President. They're kind of like cats." He looked sideways at Reno. "Nine lives, you know?"

The redhead grinned, both at the reassurance and getting Rude to open up. "You got that right!"

Suddenly, Rude stood, staring at the door as he let out a surprised yelp. Reno whipped his head back, his jaw dropping at the sight of black smoke seeping through the cracks of the door, curling and slithering down to the floor malevolently. How had they let their guard down enough to be ambushed like this? They would have heard someone walking up the stairs to place a smoke bomb outside the door, wouldn't they?

Standing quickly, Reno flicked his arm so that his EMR slid out of his sleeve and into his hand. His stomach was producing copious amounts of acid, making him feel sick – at least it felt that way. He had never been sick with fear before.

He thought that until he heard that voice again. "Found you."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Oooh...shit..." He groaned in pain, clutching his stomach. He couldn't remember anything about the fight – attack, being a better word; they hardly had a chance to fight back – but snippets of the conversation between Rufus and..._that voice_...drifted into Reno's memory sluggishly. _Reunion...cells...revenge...stigma...legacy...reunion...true reunion..._ "Re...union?"

"You heard too?" Reno frowned, rolling his head along the floor to see Rude, on his feet with an ice pack pressed to the back of his head and another one in his free hand. He leaned down, passing it to his partner. Reno smiled painfully in thanks and took it, pressing it to the sore point on his stomach and sighing in relief at the icy sting. "You might want to put that on your head."

The redhead furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Eh? My head is fine, yo – a little groggy, but okay."

Rude shook his head in small motions and offered his hand to help him up, which he took gladly. A little cry escaped him as he was pulled up, his head throbbing from the movement. He stumbled forward, being caught by Rude, who had a humourless smirk on his face. "He clocked you in the head pretty hard – why'd you think you were out for so long?"

"Shiiiit..." Reno gripped onto his partner for support as he transferred his ice pack from his stomach to his head. "Yo, we got owned by a kid! Oh wait!" His eyes grew wide as he threw himself around, surveying the room. He instantly regretted his fast movements for the way they made his head pound, forcing his stomach to regain that sick feeling that he had been feeling a lot lately, but he had more pressing concerns. "Yo, where's the boss?"

Rude's face was smooth and still, as always, but Reno got a really bad feeling from the way he paused. Recently, all his bad feelings seemed to be correct. "He's...not here."

The redhead's jaw dropped. "Oh..."

"Shit." Rude finished for him, shaking his head again. He glanced down at the ground and his face grew tight with restrained anger. "Let's hurry."

"What...?" Reno frowned at Rude's reaction, following his gaze to see..."...I'm gonna rip that little shit limb from limb." He was well aware of the quake in his voice. There, on the floor, was two ID badges that he used to see on a daily basis, smeared with blood. He tore his eyes away and focused on his partner. "Where are we headed?"

Rude turned his head to look to the south. "The chopper is still there – we can take it to Edge and find Strife. Wherever he is, I'm sure we'll find those remnants." Reno nodded in agreement, though he frowned as he processed what Rude had said.

They grabbed a few essentials and set off for the chopper, striding through the dense forest that surrounded Healin. The redhead kept on glancing at his partner every few seconds, almost afraid to ask what was on his mind. Stepping over a particularly thick patch of bramble, Reno couldn't help but wonder if Rude was feeling entirely okay – Reno's own head still felt a bit woozy, after all. He surely didn't think that Cloud was hanging out with some new psychotic buddies, did he?

...well, he hasn't spoken to anyone in weeks – _plus, that kid found us pretty quickly after he left...Cloud must have...no...No, Cloud would never do that to us...to me...right?_

It wasn't until he was strapped into the pilot's seat that Reno found his voice. "Rude...why..." He cleared his throat, staring out of the window in front of them awkwardly. "Why do you think Cloud would be with them?"

His partner frowned, lowering his sunglasses in a rare gesture to scan the man beside him. "What? No, I meant that they're going to be after him."

Reno's heart stuttered in his chest at the knowledge that the blond could be in trouble – though he was relieved that Rude didn't think Cloud was in cahoots with those 'remnants', as he called them. He began to flip all the necessary switches, pulling his headphones around his neck as he did so. "Shit, yeah – that whole 'reunion' stuff sounds far too fuckin' familiar, yo. Anything to do with Sephiroth, definitely has got to do with Cloud."

He felt eyes on him after he said that, making him pause in his flight preparations to look at his partner. Rude's mouth was open slightly and his eyebrows were high on his forehead – if it wasn't such a serious moment, Reno would have laughed at his expression. "You didn't see...?" He shook his head, clearing his features and staring away from his partner. "Yeah, you're right about the Sephiroth thing."

The redhead twisted in his seat, glaring at Rude – his palms felt sweaty, both from the humidity and this moment, and his head pounded, but he needed to know what Rude was talking about. "...what didn't I see?" The larger man cleared his throat and shrugged. "Yo, tell me!"

"We're wasting time – get this bird in the air and let's make an action plan."

Reno scowled and finished his preparations, starting up the rotaries. "Yo, you'd better tell me later."

Rude remained silent.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

When they arrived at the church in the old Sector 7 slums, Cloud and Tifa were unconscious, curled together in an almost intimate way, making Reno's tongue feel like it had swollen in his mouth. Why the fuck had Cloud been so close to her? _It's not my business any more...no, it never was_. Through his jealousy, the most prominent thought in Reno's mind was the fact that those remnants had even taken down Cloud, the strongest person he knew. This spelt trouble...

Who was he kidding? All he could think about was if Cloud would be okay.

Despite his desperate attempts to push down his feelings for the blond, he couldn't help the pang in his chest at the sight of the man's pained expression. He couldn't stop his trembling fingers from brushing stray strands of soft hair away from his face – though he did wait until Rude had picked up Tifa and began to make his way out of the decrepit building. Glancing back, Reno made sure that Rude wasn't in earshot before he leaned down, pressing his forehead against Cloud's cold one.

"Wake up and let me help you." Reno breathed, pressing his eyes tightly closed. Why was he still fighting? Their relationship was dead. But...this place is where it all started between them..._"Please don't let this be the end."_

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

A lot of stuff happened in the last thirty-six hours. The remnants took the kids; Cloud and Tifa woke up; Cloud finally got his ass kicked into gear and went after them once Reno and Rude had gotten back from their investigations; Tifa called the rest of their gang for back up once the situation was finally explained to her. And Reno finally realised what Rude had been talking about in the chopper...

_Cloud has the stigma_...It didn't matter how many times he thought it, the statement still made his body quake and his eyes sting. _Cloud has the stigma_...Reno felt sick to his stomach.

For the first time in two years, Reno cried – gut wrenching, throat-drying, stomach twisting sobs and all. Cloud was going to die. It wasn't like it usually was – in battles, death wasn't certain and the blond would always fight his way through it, but this...this wasn't something he could fight. And Reno was so _fucking scared_ to lose him, it hurt.

What hurt all the more was that Rufus was the same way – he was going to lose his best friend and the person that he...felt a lot for in one fell swoop – _and there's not a damn thing I can do about it_.

At least he knew where Cloud was.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Reno lay on his back, staring up at the dark ceiling in his apartment. _He's dead_. He felt numb and filled with jelly all at the same time – he was quivering uncontrollably, but that might be from the copious amounts of whiskey he had consumed. _The same type that he bought me after Ryan died_. Reno's whole frame contorted with the sob that racked his body at that thought.

He thought that everything was going to be okay – that strange rain had come and washed away all of Rufus' Geostigma, Cloud's too, he assumed, and Reno watched from far below as that final battle between Cloud and Sephiroth occurred on top of the old Shinra building. Cloud had been so amazing – he picked up all his strength, even after that brutal attack from Sephiroth that threw him to the ground and made Reno's heart relocate to his throat, and defeated his nemesis, once and for all. But..._We should have killed the other two when we had the chance; thrown more bombs into that tunnel, gone in to make sure they were dead – anything! _It wasn't fair – the uplifting relief he had felt when he knew that Cloud wasn't going to die of the stigma...and then it all got ripped away again.

_I could have stopped him from dying._

The explosion..._fuck_...Reno had never felt such grief in his life – though he felt guilty for it, this felt even worse than when his brother died. He didn't have Cloud to come and hug him this time, to tell him that it wasn't his fault and now the poison was slowly setting in – if he had stopped Loz and Yazoo, Cloud might still be alive.

He raised the bottle of whiskey to his lips, finding it to be empty – _no! Fuck...I can still remember it all..._With a mournful scream, he threw the bottle against his bedroom wall, watching as it shattered and left minuscule droplets of leftover whiskey to run slowly downwards with gravity, making dark marks against the blue paint.

The sight made him choke once again – he would tell no one this, but there was one big reason why he had painted his walls that shade of blue. He had decided on it when Cloud had mentioned that he hadn't decorated his apartment that night two years ago. He ruined that patch of wall like an idiot – _how fucking dare I ruin anything to do with him! Why am I such a fuck up? Why isn't he here..._Gaia, he wanted Cloud there, with him, so badly it made his chest hurt.

His phone had been non stop ringing for days as he lay in his bed, drinking his weight in whiskey. Its continuous, high pitched drone was slowly drilling into his foggy brain, telling him that there was something important that he needed to do – _something important? What the fuck is important any more? _The device beeped every so often, signifying a text or a voice mail had been left – whatever, he wasn't ever going to check them.

No...Cloud wouldn't have wanted that – he would have encouraged Reno to not let everyone worry, he was sure. _Fucking hero streak_...How could he ignore something that Cloud would have wanted?

He slowly sat up, wiping at his sore eyes with clumsy hand and reached for his phone, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration. To his surprise, a lot of the texts and missed calls were from Tifa and Rude, the most recent ones being '_Why are you ignoring everyone? Call work if you're sick_.' and '_I don't think you understand what happened. Please, answer your phone. Tifa_.' What? They expected him to act normal after...Did they think he never cared about Cloud? Had the blond told Tifa that their relationship had gone sour before he died? The thought made his stomach lurch – _well...even if __you didn't care, Blondie, I still do_...

A few of the missed calls were from an unknown number, though they were few enough for him to assume that it was just someone trying to sell something or trying to collect a bill. _I thought they were all paid, though..._It felt so surreal to think that, something so mundane, after everything. His thoughts made no sense to him – it was like his emotional pain was taking a bigger toll on his body than his mind.

Suddenly, the device began to ring again, displaying that same unknown number as before. Sighing, he decided that if there was anything outstanding, he'd better get it paid. It would be his first step back into real life after nearly a week of wallowing in his grief – he could do this...for Cloud.

With a deep breath, he pressed the green button, only then remembering that he was more drunk than he had been in a very long time and probably wasn't in any shape to be reading his credit card numbers to anyone. _Great..._ "Hello? S'Reno speakin'."

There was a pause before a smooth baritone spoke to him, making Reno's heart sputter and freeze. "Reno, have you been drinking?"

Strange noises crept out of the back of Reno's throat as he tried to scramble together any fragments left of his sanity, because he must have lost most of it to have convinced himself that Cloud was on the phone to him – Cloud, with his deep voice and calm tone. "I...you...Cloud?" His voice was light and airy, like he couldn't catch his breath – which, in all fairness, he couldn't. He slowly rose onto his feet, ignoring how badly he swayed. "You're...you didn't..._Cloud_?"

A sigh breezed down the line. "So that's what it was – you thought I'd died. You'll never change, Reno."

_It's really him_..."You...didn't die?"

"Uh...yeah, I did actually. But I came back."

"...what?" Reno's voice was still breathy, but he knew that it was from shock. He saw the explosion – he _saw_ it. He gripped the sheets on his bed tightly in his free hand and...wait, when had he sat back down?

A short chuckle serenaded his ears –_ I've missed you so much_. "I'll explain later – are you going to stop ignoring the world?"

"Hypocrite." His lips felt numb still – probably from the whiskey – and his skin was tingling.

"Guilty." Cloud paused for several minutes, breathing steadily through the phone. The sound soothed Reno like nothing else and found himself laying on his side, clutching the device to his ear like a lifeline. Soon, Cloud cleared his throat gently. "Reno? Forgive yourself."

How did he know? "What?"

"You've got to stop blaming yourself every time something goes wrong." Another pause "There wasn't anything you could do."

Reno sighed and shook his head. "Yes, there was...I could have stopped Yazoo and Loz or I could have..." He cast around his intoxicated mind for anything else to say.

"Okay..." The blond seemed to think carefully about what he was going to say next. "Then, Reno? I forgive you."

_He forgives me?_ Reno's chest felt a lot lighter, his stomach settling for the first time in weeks. "Heh...you know just what to say, Blondie." He could hear the tears in his own voice, but that was okay.

"I know you."

"Yeah...you do, don't you?"

Everything was going to be okay – Cloud was alive and...maybe their relationship hadn't disappeared over time. Maybe it had just hidden itself away, afraid to show itself for what it truly was. And what it was? Anything but mere friendship.

_**- Present day -**_

The house was silent, save for the cacophonous rumbles of Barret's snores from where he lay, sprawled lazily on the too-small sofa. Reno, who was sitting on the opposite sofa, glaring daggers at the huge man, wrapped his blanket around his shoulders and stood before tiptoeing out of the room. The freaking heffalump hadn't stopped testing his Gaia-damned sinuses all night and now it was nearing two in the morning –_ fuck...I thought Rude was bad when we had to sleep in the chopper on that mission._

Reno sighed in exasperation as he crept through the house, deathly silent due to his Turk training. The past few hours had been spent recalling all the reasons why he wanted to ask Cloud out – and by that, he meant all the situations that they had found themselves in in the past three years and how Cloud had just been there, no matter what – aside from the whole Geostigma fiasco, but that was understandable.

Reno had spent all day trying to ask Cloud to be with him, but every time he tried, he wussed out, like the little chicken shit he was. He would begin to ask the question – '_Cloud do you_...' – and finished with a lame '_need a drink?_' or '_want to watch something else?_'

The redhead stopped in front of the last wooden door of the hallway, pressing his hands flat against it and taking a deep breath. He knocked lightly and waited to hear the answering grunt before turning the knob and walking into the dark room, his eyes on the bundle of blankets on the bed.

"Mmm? Who'sit?" Came the sleepy mumble as the blond on the bed sat up, rubbing his eyes, his hair flat on one side and sticking out crazily on the other.

Reno smiled at the sight, letting out a small chuckle. "It's me, yo."

"Oh, Reno." Cloud tried to smile at him, but got interrupted by a huge yawn, making him cover his mouth politely. "Whazza time?"

"It's late." Shaking his head, Reno walked over to the bed, shutting the door first, and sat down on the edge. "Yo, scooch. I'm sleeping here."

Cloud obediently shuffled towards the wall and turned his head towards his companion as he slid beneath the covers and made himself comfortable. It finally registered in his head that Reno was in his bed and that the were going to be sleeping side by side – the thought certainly pulled him from the last dregs of sleep. "I thought you were sleeping on the sofa?"

Reno chuckled, not feeling like Cloud was kicking him out because his tone of voice simply sounded curious. "I was, but Barret snores like a beast, ya'know?"

The blond made a noise of understanding and lay back down next to him, feeling his skin hum with a new kind of excitement – he was surprised by how innocent that excitement was. He wasn't picturing being with Reno in a sexual way – not yet, anyway – but he felt a little giddy at the thought of just...cuddling him as they slept. Gaia, he was _such_ a sap. "Yeah, I know. I had to share a tent with him for the best part of a year."

"Oh, yeah, of course. Forgot about that, yo." He turned onto his side, facing Cloud and taking advantage of this opportunity to study his face. It was so easy to be around Cloud – when he wasn't mind-numbingly nervous about asking him out, anyway. He had been contemplating what had drawn them together a lot recently, and there was only one thing that justified it all, in Reno's eyes.

With that in mind...he wasn't nervous any more.

Reaching up, Reno hovered his fingers just above the other man's face, watching as they trembled. "Reno?" He smiled, letting his fingertips make contact with his cheek, running them gently along baby-smooth skin. Cloud let out a little gasp at the contact, but otherwise remained silent, letting Reno explore his face by touch.

He felt along his sharp jawline; around small, but full, lips; down the perfectly straight bridge of his nose. He smoothed down his fair eyebrows before, finally, ghosting across closed eyelids that were softly tinted lavender. He could faintly see the veins running beneath thin layers of skin and he could feel the slight movements of those hidden spheres.

Could Cloud feel the way he was shaking? He was definitely shaking bad, because those eyes looked and felt so functional – like there was absolutely nothing wrong. Like Cloud would just open them at any moment and laugh, saying that it was all one big joke and that he could see all the pent up feelings that were written across Reno's face for him to see if he wanted.

A hand slid over his own, holding it gently as it brought them both down to cup his cheek."I'm going to be okay, you know? There's nothing you could have done."

Reno's breathing sped up – _he doesn't need to see_. Were they so connected? _No, you just know me, don't you?_ "It's weird." He couldn't raise his voice above a whisper.

The hand over his own tightened a little, as if it was savouring the moment – or unwilling to let go. "What is?"

The redhead smiled lightly, lifting himself up onto his free elbow and leaning over the other, breathing the same air. "How, even though you're blind, you're still the only one who sees me."

Cloud opened his eyes, slowly and deliberately, taking in the moment. The sheer blueness of them made breathing difficult for the Turk – there was no prominent tint of green; no pain or sadness or sorrow. Just blue. "I'll always see you, Reno."

And for the first time, Reno really meant his kiss.

**Looooooonngg chapter – had to watch AC like five times in a row to get this right – fast forwarding and rewinding like a bitch. Have to say, though – I almost forgot how hot Cloud is. Just nom ;) ...hope my boyfriend doesn't read this XD**

**I feel like this chapter sucks until the 'Present Day' bit, which I love (symbolism, FTW), but...meh -.- I don't know how to make it better so it will have to do – I didn't want to detail the whole movie because...well, most of you have seen it -.- The bits I skipped were missed for a reason – they would have been really monotonous. Writing them would have been the definition of a waste of time. Plus, this is meant to be about the development of Reno and Cloud's relationship from Reno's point of view...though I feel that I made him slightly obsessed with Cloud O.O**

**P.S. What do you think of this description for my new story?:**

**Preview:**

_**Online dating is such a bogus way to meet someone, I always thought. It always seemed like a desperate move from a really desperate person. Then, one day when I was browsing, he just so happened to log on – the person that would change my view of online dating forever. Now, if only that jackass from work, Leon, would just stop bugging me – life would just be perfect...ish.**_

**It's about two people (Cloud and Leon/Squall) who have really complicated home lives (one has two kids to raise on his own and the other is looking after his mother who is suffering with Huntington's disease) and they meet in an online chat room – but is that the only place they know each other from?**

**...yeah, it's cliché, but I like it. **

**What do you think? .. x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Got my tongue pierced a while ago and I've been working at the Olympics and Paralympics 'cos I'm pro like that ^^ My temp job is why update have been a little slow...well, non-existent, but you know...That's the update on my life out of the way, because you're all so interested...Enjoy this mega short chapter (sorry)!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

_**Chapter Eight**_

Tifa couldn't say she was surprised by the sight that greeted her when she went into Cloud's room the next morning. In fact, the biggest shock was that the two men on the bed were still asleep – they had both undergone military training so they were conditioned to rise with or before the sun. _Then again, they must have been up late, _if_ you know what I mean_. The brunette almost snorted at her own thoughts – _of course_.

Cloud and Reno lay on the bed facing each other, their limbs so tightly intertwined that it was almost difficult to distinguish which ones belonged to which man. The redhead had his face pressed against Cloud's chest, his tall body curled into a near-foetal position, while the blond had his chin and cheek nuzzling his companion's hair. It couldn't be comfortable, Tifa thought, but it was sweet how they clung to each other like there was nothing else in the world worth holding.

Her eyebrows raised when she noted that they were both dressed in pyjamas still, implying that they had either put their clothes back on after...afterwards, or that they had just slept next to each other. The latter thought made Tifa smile – though it would be no surprise to anyone that Cloud would wait, she had learned enough about Reno in the last few years to realise that he wouldn't rush things either. Everyone seemed to think that the Turk was such a horn dog because of his fiery personality, but, in reality, he was quite shy when it came to being with someone that he was into. Well, it seemed like that's how he was with Cloud, in any case – for as long as Tifa had known him as a friend, Reno hadn't liked anyone else besides her clueless blond friend. If they had finally gotten together, then good for them. Slowly, she shut the door, twisting the handle so that the click wouldn't wake the sleeping men. Reno could help Cloud this morning, Tifa decided, she had other things to do and it didn't seem wise to disturb them.

Barret was already sitting at the kitchen table with a fresh coffee and that morning's newspaper when she got there. His dark eyes latched onto her as she greeted him and switched the kettle on, preparing to make herself tea. "Where's that Turk? Din' see him when I got up this mornin'."

The brunette woman rolled her red-brown eyes and smirked a little. "Why? You worried about him?"

"Hell no!" The large man scoffed, his coffee sloshing down his hand as he waved it around indignantly. "The little shit might be sniffing around the place!"

Tifa shook her head, tossing a wad of paper towels at him and eyeing him with a warning as he cleaned his mess. "Looking for what exactly?" The black man opened his mouth to answer but she held up a hand to stop him. "Don't even answer, Barret. Look, Reno's a good guy – you need to let go of the past. If you get caught up in things that happened back then, you're going to end up bitter or worse – just look at what happened to Cloud!" The button popped on the kettle and Tifa began to make herself a drink. "In fact, that's another reason to stop being so petty – do you think this tension between the two of you is helping Cloud's stress levels?"

The large man paused in his cleaning and frowned guiltily. "Din' think of that..."

"No, you didn't." Tifa grasped her mug of tea and walked around the kitchen counter, taking a seat opposite her friend. "I know that you can't forgive him or whatever, but can you at least be civil? For Cloud's sake? I'm going to speak with Yuffie and Cid too." She blew on the steaming liquid and sipped at it gingerly, savouring the taste.

Barret rolled his eyes, turning back to his newspaper and pretended to scan the pages. "Fine, fine. It's only 'cos of Marlene, though! Kid deserves a break and she's got a soft spot for Spiky."

Tifa nodded in mock understanding, well used to Barret's pathological need to act like a dick even though it was obvious that he cared. "Of course. Just remember that – Cloud is more relaxed when Reno's around, so having him here might even help him get his sight back."

"I don' get why he's so attached to that Turk though. I mean, what makes him so special?"

Tifa shrugged and pulled the back pages of Barret's newspaper over to herself, raising an eyebrow at the small glare she received for it. "I'm fairly sure that they're together."

Barret began to choke and sputter around his mouthful of coffee, spraying it all over the paper in front of him. Heaving and beating his muscular chest, the man stared wide eyed at the brunette before him. "They're _what now_?! Spiky's gay?!"

Tifa snorted and pushed the wad of tissue that Barret had used earlier towards the mess so that he could clean it. It was ignored in favour of continuing to stare at her in shock, making Tifa sigh – he clearly wasn't going to brush this off. "You didn't know?"

"No! The fuck – I shared a tent with him!"

Tifa scowled and picked up the tissue again, only to throw it at Barret's face. "Jeez, Barret – just because he's gay doesn't mean that he's a pervert or even likes you in that way. That's like saying that just because you're straight, you like every girl you know."

Barret's mouth opened to retort, but he stopped himself. "Actually, yeah – you're right. Spike's the most honourable guy I know...Heh – guess I overreacted, eh?" He picked up the tissue and, once again, cleaned up his coffee from the table, ignoring Tifa's eye roll. Suddenly, a thought popped into his head. "Wait! What about Aerith? Before she died I'm pretty sure she and Cloud got it on."

Tifa stiffened in her seat, bringing her mug up to her lips to hide her frown. "Yeah, they did." She hadn't meant to snap her words, but the situation still stung. _I mean, one minute he tells me that he can't return my feelings because he's gay, the next he's sleeping with her..._She understood why now – and for the most part, she was over it – but back then it hurt more than she ever thought it would.

"Teef?" Barret pursed his lips and leant back in his chair. "Hit a sore spot, did I?"

Red-brown eyes glared harshly at him. "Drink your damn coffee."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Reno grumbled in his sleep, wiggling a little to try to get comfortable. He was too hot, too cramped, but he was reluctant to wrench himself free from the tangled bedsheets for some reason. They had his feet locked tightly together, trapped against something he couldn't figure out the identity of. He stretched his legs, feeling the shape of it with his toes. It was a little prickly at first, but became smoother the further down he felt ,as well as extremely icy against his heated skin. Jumping a little at the unexpected chill, Reno knocked the top of his head against something solid.

"Mm? What?"

"Ah! Cloud, your feet are _cold_, yo!"

The blond snorted above his head and pulled him closer. "Warm 'em up then."

Reno paused, holding his breath briefly as his heart beat a little faster as the fact hit him – he just woke up next to _Cloud_. Grinning, he leaned back, intent on getting a good morning kiss – _our first day of finally being together_. He stopped before he reached Cloud's lips, though – _oh, he's still asleep_.

The fact that Cloud was a bit of a sleep-talker was all but lost to the Turk, however, when he saw how tense he was, even when unconscious. His pale features were still, doll-like, with his lips pulling down in a tiny frown.

"What you stuck on, Blondie?" The Turk whispered, gently brushing the thick locks away from his companions face. The small frown unfolded into a yawn, the blond's small nose crinkling as he raised a fist to rub at his eyes. "Morning, sleepyhead."

The hand lifted away as Cloud opened his eyes – striking blue against soft white. There was a pause between that moment and the one where a smile finally appeared – only a short stop, but Reno picked up on it. "Morning. How did you sleep?" His eyes were unfocused.

The Turk forced a smile despite the cold drip of liquid dread that had slipped down into his stomach – _not much has changed –_ because Cloud always knew when he was smiling. "Pretty good – 'part from your cold feet, yo. Ever think about wearing socks to bed?"

Cloud looked a little sheepish. "I usually do. I just...can't find them."

Reno pressed his lips together, making a little 'hmm' sound. _It just keeps coming back to the same thing_..."Hey, Cloud?" He waited for the blond to look in his general direction before continuing. "We totally just woke up together."

There was no pause this time – his grin was blinding. "Yeah, we did."

Reno brought his hand back up to his partner's face, swallowing all of the dread and fear he was feeling in order to just savour the moment – life couldn't just be all about the bad stuff, after all – and touched the pale cheek with his fingertips. "I haven't got my good morning kiss yet."

Straight white teeth nibbled at the blond's lower lip. "So...that good night one wasn't just a...one off?"

Reno let out a chuckle, cupping his hand around the fighter's cheek, guiding him closer. He leaned forward, stroking the skin beneath his thumb gently as he spoke against Cloud's lips. "It's a good thing that I don't mind morning breath."

Cloud pressed forward, answering with a heated kiss in the place of words. Reno's hand slid to the back of his neck and combed his fingers through tangled hair, calming his mind with pleasant thoughts.

Cloud was blind – _yeah, but he is kissing me now_.

He's so emotionally damaged that a relationship with him will never be normal – _that's not stopping him from __pulling me on top of him__._

He may never get better – _but if I close my eyes, I can pretend..._

_**A few days later...**_

Sometimes Tifa wished she had more female friends to talk to – ones that she could curl up on the sofa with a large glass of wine and just bitch about the current state of her life to. She had never been close with Shera, Cid's wife, Marlene was far too young and Yuffie...well she would have been perfect right now, but the girl had been in a foul mood as of late and refused to tell anyone why.

It was this desire for female company – and a lack of any more ideas on how to make things right – that lead to her picking her way through rusty debris, kicking up dust from the long disused path leading to the old church in the ruins of Sector 5. Her chat with Barret had made her think of this option – one she had never considered before now.

Reno was with Cloud who, though he was thrilled – as much as Cloud could be happy – with his newly established relationship, was looking more and more...ill...by the day. She couldn't think of a better word than that – he was paler, more tired, thinner. He didn't eat very much and became frustrated easily when he needed help to do mundane things.

The kids had noticed the fact that the bar had been closed for quite a few days and Denzel had even asked how they were paying the bills if neither of them were working. Tifa had just smiled and told him not to worry, but she was getting close to using the money that President Shinra had transferred into her bank account – though how he did that without knowing her bank's details was beyond her.

The money wouldn't last forever and she was dubious about how effective therapy would be for Cloud. She was out of options that would directly help their situation, so she would turn to...indirect means. That was what she was thinking, anyway, as she perched herself on one of the few still-standing pews, having just wiped off the thick layer of dust first.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself for a long and difficult monologue.

"Aerith...I-" Tifa cut herself off, taking in a deep breath full of the ever contrasting scent of fresh, new flowers and old, decrepit stone and wood. "I know you and I have had issues in the past. But... he needs help...and I know that you would be the one to think of a way out of this."

And Aerith listened.

**Really really really short after such a long time of no updates, I know, but it's all about to start for real now – it's now all in place to really kick off!**

**Ooh, ooh – P.S. I'm officially beginning to plan a book that I want to get published – wish me luck! :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm so sorry! I have no excuses for this wait – just life getting in the way and stuff...yeah...Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

**_Chapter __Nine_**

_Hmm...where would he keep his keys?_ Denzel scratched his head in concentration as he stood in the centre of Cloud's disorganised office slash room, turning slowly on the spot. Being Cloud, the paranoid ex-military member – of which unit, he had never told Denzel; Cloud never spoke about his time in the army because it reminded him of an old friend that he had lost – would have put his keys either in plain sight with some kind of booby trap set up around them or hidden so well that he may as well be looking for a Golden Chocobo in Chocobo-Eater territory.

The desk was littered with notebooks – full of financial calculations scrawled all over the pages in small, boyish handwriting that was unmistakeably Cloud's – post-it notes, pens, empty cans of drink and screwed-up bits of paper. Denzel doubted that the keys would be there – that would have required Cloud to be absent-minded enough with them to just toss them onto the nearest surface.

Denzel tilted his head curiously, lifting one of the framed photographs of their friends and family that sat amongst the debris, not really expecting to find what he was looking for beneath it. He just gazed at the picture for a moment, a strange kind of heaviness filling his stomach at the sight of it. They were all there – Cloud, Tifa, Marlene, Denzel, Barret, Cait Sith (well...it was Mr. Tuesti if you wanted to get technical), Yuffie, Cid, Nanaki; even Vincent was there lurking in the background. They all looked so happy – even Cloud had a smile, like he had let go of what had happened in the past and was finally living life like he should. But...

Denzel frowned and put the frame back down next to the photograph which had been taken a couple of months after he had first met Cloud at the old church in what used to be the Sector 5 slums. The difference in the two Clouds in the photos was easy to see – and it made the young boy sad to realise how much that Cloud, the real one in the present day, looked like the one in the old photo. The one that was plagued by viscous memories and guilt over imagined sins. It also occurred to him that his own apparent mood reflected his guardian's in each photo – though, that did make sense. Tifa often said that his temperament mirrored Cloud's own so much that she could have sworn that they were biologically related.

Shaking his head, the boy turned from the desk to look elsewhere. The keys wouldn't be on the bed – a new, less rickety one which Cloud and Barret had built to replace the old one. There were a few boxes here and there, but they all seemed to either be sealed for delivery or full of small objects that would drag the keys down within their depths, never to be found. The only other items in the recently decorated room were a chest of drawers, which Denzel dared not pry into, and a couple of spare wheels for Fenrir.

"Hmm..." Crouching down, the boy prodded a few floorboards to check if they were loose, peering under the bed briefly with no such luck. He waddled awkwardly in his crouch, prodding and peering, a scowl deepening on his features. This search wasn't going well – how would he be able to help Cloud if he couldn't find–? "Aha!"

A glint of silver had caught his eye – one that he would only be able see at this height if he didn't already know it would be there – there, in the corner of the room near the convergence of boxes and spare wheels. The glint disappeared with the changing angles of light as he approached the corner, making him scan the space for where it may have come from. He tilted his head this way and that, trying to get the light to reflect off of the shiny object again.

Sighing, he sat back, leaning on his hands which were planted on the ground behind him. He blew away the strands of hair which fell in his face in frustration. Where did it go? Just as he started to stand up, the light caught the shiny object again – between the spokes of a spare wheel! Denzel rolled his eyes at himself – of course. They were _Fenrir's_ wheels after all. How very Cloud.

The boy reached between the intricate metal spokes, closing his fingers around the keys that were nestled in a crevice created by the shape of the tyre. With a small grin, Denzel cast his eye over his prize. "Gotcha."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Hello again, Cloud. Make yourself comfortable." Dr. Howell's soft, calming voice made Cloud's stomach clench a little less this time. The reminder of Aerith in her voice was more sadly reminiscent to him as opposed to painful and grating, as it was before.

This slight change in his opinion of her reinforced the idea that his last session had ended so badly because of his tension and stress at the time – now, he was in a slightly better place due to his newly established relationship with Reno. The two of them were still in that slightly awkward shy phase of their relationship – which was incredibly odd, considering one of the two of them was _Reno_, the most confident and arrogant person that most people who had met him knew...On the surface, anyway; Cloud knew it was a front – for what, he wasn't quite sure, but he had plenty of time to find out. Either way, he was happy with Reno. But...

"Thanks." The blond leaned back in his chair – slightly less stiffly than the previous session, Dr. Howell noticed.

"I must apologise for how our last meeting concluded – it appeared that I said something wrong. Do you want to talk about it?" Leilah's tone was light, giving her patient the freedom to deny her an answer if he wished. From what she could gather about him from his file – made up of information his house mate had supplied her and from meeting him briefly in their last session – Cloud's ability to vocalise his thoughts were dependant on his mood.

Cloud shrugged and gripped his right elbow in his left hand, still uncomfortable being in unfamiliar surroundings when he couldn't see. "S'nothing you said, really."

Dr. Howell pursed her lips and surveyed her patient's reaction, thinking over his response – the fact that he had answered at all made her think that he was going to be a little more open this session, but there was a clear...off-ness about him, for lack of a better word. "I'm glad, because I want you to be able to trust me to help you though this experience."

Cloud nodded, trying to suppress a bubble of irritation that floated to the surface at her words – _she's just trying to help me get my sight back_. "Right."

"I got the impression last time that you are reluctant to be here. Is there any reason for that?" The light, calm tone remained.

Cloud lifted one shoulder, frowning and thinking of how he was taken along for the ride last time. How no one really asked him what he thought should be happening. But he didn't want to cause a fuss. He couldn't stand the thought of people thinking that – wait...

Cloud internally face-palmed himself in exasperation. He was in _therapy_ – he was supposed to talk about himself and be judged and be told how to deal with his issues. "I wasn't really asked about it."

"You wasn't asked?"

The blond shook his head and felt his ears heat up in embarrassment – he felt like he was _whining_. Like he was rambling on about things that weren't important. But he had to try to comply. "I just...the day I woke up like this, Tifa took me to the doctor straight away. When he said it was in my head she arranged these sessions with you – she takes care of me, makes my food, chooses what I wear. I'm grateful, but..." Cloud trailed off, feeling a little winded from saying such an unusually long sentence and guilty for complaining about Tifa's help.

The doctor hummed in acknowledgement. "I see. You feel powerless? Like all of your decisions have been taken from you?" The fighter before her nodded, his face flushing as he attempted to disappear into his chair. "All right. Well, to achieve what we want to get done, you need to feel comfortable with the idea of sharing with me and I believe the way to make that possible is to allow you to feel more in control. Although day to day tasks may be difficult to achieve by yourself at first, maybe you should attempt to meet Tifa in the middle. Perhaps allow her to lay out your clothes for you, but tell her which ones you want. Try to contribute to house chores that can be done by touch, such as cleaning the dishes. For now at least, would it help if I told you directly about when your next session will be and what our plans are? I thought, at first, that it would help to hear about your treatment from someone you know and trust but you can be in charge of telling her about it, if that's what you want."

Cloud thought about it – what Leilah had said made sense. He would feel more comfortable if he felt less powerless. It was obvious really, seeing as he was a Mako pumped ex-leader of a group of eco-warriors who had fought for their beliefs and defeated powers that opposed humanity. He simply wasn't used to just rolling with the situation; just sitting and letting everyone else save him wasn't what he was used to.

After a few moments hesitation, the blond nodded, twitching the corner of his lips in a ghost of a smile – the most he could do for a stranger. "I think that's a good idea."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Sneaking past Tifa had been easy – Yuffie had flown in from Wutai to see Cloud and for some 'girl talk'. The two women were in the living room, immersed in conversation and working on a bottle of wine. Denzel was able to walk by the room casually without either of them looking up. Cloud was at his therapy session and Denzel only got a brief greeting from Barret, who was in the kitchen with Marlene. The girl was teaching him how to make cookies 'the right way' and was monopolising his time quite thoroughly. Not that Denzel opposed – it gave him the opportunity he needed to get downstairs and through the side door to the garage without being stopped.

The silence left behind when the door clicked shut seemed to hail him – it told him that he was about to do something either really cool, or monumentally stupid. He switched on the light and bit his lip against his growing glee.

Fenrir stood before him – black and gold and grand. He had a fine layer of dust on him where he hadn't been used for the last few weeks and the sight upset Denzel a bit. Cloud couldn't even clean up his most prized possession – one that he cherished so much that he'd named him and used to work on every day. The sight reinforced the need for Denzel to do this.

The boy clutched in his hand a list of addresses, the first of which was only in the next town. It would be perfect for an initial run. Taking a deep breath, Denzel extended his fingers towards the behemoth bike, running them gingerly through the sheet of dust to form tracks. A small, hysterical giggle burst from his lips. With a slightly oil-stained cloth that he found on one of the workbenches, Denzel cleared the dust before tossing it back carelessly.

It was finally time.

The kickstands proved to be good steps to climb up onto Fenrir's seat, allowing him to settle against the firm leather with relative ease. The only problem, Denzel found, was that his toes barely skimmed the ground. Well...he could worry about that later.

After pulling the sought-after keys out of his pocket, the boy selected the bulkiest one – decorated, of course, with a silver wolf's head – and pushed it into the ignition, twisting it and revelling in the smooth purr of the engine once it had started.

_Right, so...how does it work?_ Denzel furrowed his eyebrows and peered around the bike, taking in the different peddles and levers, and mentally scratching his head. Cloud had once told him that driving a motorcycle wasn't as easy as it looked and that it was really dangerous so he should wait until he was older before he learned how to drive one. Denzel had protested, saying that the earlier he learned, the better he would be when he was old enough to join the delivery business – Cloud had just laughed, rare as the action was, telling him that when his feet could lie flat on the floor either side of the bike, then he was old enough to drive it. _Not quite there yet, but desperate times call for desperate measures._

There were two levers, one just in front of each handle, that the boy assumed operated the front and rear brakes, just like on a push-bike. But...there were also two pedals, one above each kickstand that were clearly designed to be operated by foot – one of them could also have been a brake, just like in a car. There was also the rubber handle on the right hand side that felt like it could move when he placed his hand on it.

He twisted his right hand experimentally. "Woah!" The bike growled louder as the engine revved in response to his actions. It was just like Tifa's car when she pushed down on the accelerator. So, right handle equalled acceleration. Other than that, Denzel was having trouble figuring out how to operate the vehicle. Maybe he should google it? Nodding to himself, Denzel removed the keys and leaned to the side to put his weight on the kickstand he'd used to climb up, intending to go upstairs and find Tifa's laptop.

There was movement beneath the sole of his shoe as he began to swing his opposite leg over Fenrir. The kickstand suddenly slipped to the side, no longer in its upright position – and no longer supporting that side of the bike. Fenrir tipped, taking Denzel on a short but heart-stopping fall to the side, until Denzel's foot hit the ground flat, shakily stopping the descent.

His breath left him in a rush of relief as he allowed his other foot to rest on the ground, supporting even more of Fenrir's weight, but he still had quite a predicament. Cloud's bike was _heavy_! It took Denzel's full weight leaning on it to even remain sort-of upright with a slight tilt. He was doing it, though. The boy felt a swell of pride for having this strength and he felt cocky enough to lift a foot to the kickstand, meaning to pull it down again.

His joy was sharply interrupted by panic as the tyres started to slip out for under the motorcycle and the body began to lean towards him, forcing him to support more and more of its weight on his one leg and arms, unable to push it upright again.

"Uh-oh."

**Again, sorry for the wait – I hope that this chapter made up for it? I've already started writing the next chapters, so the wait shouldn't be as long next time. I hope...**


	10. Chapter 10

**I apologise for the irregular updates, but I've just started a new job and I go to university in 4 months, so I don't see updates coming any faster. I do promise that this story will get finished though – it will take a good while, but it will happen. Please stay along for the ride! Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

**WARNING: Suggested hetero scene and bucket loads of angst. **

**_Chapter __Ten_**

"Shall we begin with what you can remember from that time?" Dr. Howell suggested – the same question she'd asked in their first session, asked about his military career rather than his childhood.

Cloud had already, reluctantly, briefed her on the 'big' aspects of his life – working for Shinra, killing his idol, joining AVALANCHE...the labs...Zack... Cloud skimped on details everywhere – telling her simply that they _had_ happened, rather than telling her _how_ they happened – but he had to admit to her that the memories from his childhood and military career had huge holes in them and that there were days and weeks, even years, that he couldn't recall whatsoever.

It wasn't too hard for him to admit that he had found it difficult to adjust to being a twenty-one year old when he still had the mind of someone who was sixteen. Well, he had felt even younger than that due to how little he remembered of his life before Tifa found him in Midgar – yet, somehow, he was so much _older_. He had experienced too much for someone even twice his age and he felt the consequences without even knowing what had happened to him. It was agony. Still was. But he wasn't quite ready to share that.

"What do you want to know?"

The doctor shifted a little in her seat before replying. "Were there any people that you saw on a regular basis that you were close with? Squad-mates? Civilians? Anyone you considered a friend?"

_Zack_.

Cloud rolled a shoulder back, creasing his brow. "Yeah, a few."

"What about your superior officer? The one that you mentioned earlier. Were you and he friends?"

"...that was Zack."

"Were you and he close before he passed away?" It was strange, Cloud thought, that this didn't feel like an interrogation any more. He didn't feel like she was trying to drag out memories that she didn't need to know – she was genuinely trying to help him, he knew – but that didn't make it any easier for him to think back to that time. A time when smiles and small touches made his heart flutter and simple words could make it all better – when he trusted the people in his life and tried to see the good in people, even after they crushed him for the second, third, fourth time...

"Yes, very." Cloud clenched his fists, fighting past the solid lump that was forming in his throat – he doesn't talk about this. It was _wrong_. "I was with him, there on the cliff top. He died to save me."

The scratching of a pen filled the room as Dr. Howell turned the next question over in her head, trying to be sympathetic and clinical at the same time. "How did that make you feel?"

How _did_ that make him feel? He had been battling against himself and his own feelings about the event of Zack's death for years but he had never put a single word or emotion to those feelings – he could no longer tell the difference between his thoughts on the circumstances of his death and the actual fact that it was his best friend...well, more than a friend, that had died. How _did_ he feel?

"Dead." That seemed right – since that day nothing much had brought him to life, the only exceptions being Reno and...Aerith. But Aerith had always been a question mark. Did he actually love her or was it Zack's love for her that he was channelling? To this day, he didn't know.

"That's a strong word to use. Did you perhaps have more than friendly feelings for him?" Dr. Howell's heart clenched for the young man before her – she knew that he had gone through so much in his life, but watching someone that he had loved romantically die? That was something awful that she, herself could relate to. "You mentioned that you had a preference for men as it was."

The blond sucked in a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for this admission – it was something that he had never said out loud, now that he thought about it. They'd never actually said what they were.

"Zack and I had a...special relationship. He became my friend when no one else would – I was small and helpless then, so my squad mates couldn't spare time for me, you know? But he didn't care." Cloud stopped for a moment, catching his breath from the lengthy speech – for him, anyway – and preparing for the next part. "After a while he began to mentor me in sword fighting, so most of what I know comes from him. But...um..."

Cloud's face twisted briefly, a flash of remembered horror that gave the doctor pause before it vanished. What was _that_? "S-something happened...and Zack helped me through it. We kind of ended up sleeping together after that. But he had a–"

Cloud stopped, feeling his heart slam into his ribcage at the thought of sharing anything more. He couldn't bring her up. Not when she lied. Not when she took _him_ away so many times – both physically and emotionally – when she _knew_.

He loved her so much – but it wasn't real.

He loved him so much – but he wasn't Cloud's to begin with.

Even now his memories didn't make sense. Was Cloud mad at him for loving her? No – Cloud had loved her too, even if it may not have been his own feelings talking. Was he mad at _her_ for being selfish in loving them both...?

He wasn't ready. He couldn't – couldn't... "It's okay, Cloud. Just breathe. Breathe – try to calm yourself down."

The blond opened his eyes, startled to find his eyelashes damp and clumped together. The tears beneath his eyelids escaped, falling onto the back of his balled-up fists which were clutching the material of his scruffy jeans tightly. His chest felt tight, making it hard for him to draw any breath while his stomach churned, threatening to reject his breakfast all over the floor in front of him.

Cloud forced his hands open, feeling them tremble as he brought them to his face, focusing on calming his short, choppy breathing. _Breathe in, hold, breathe out, wait, breathe in... _Dr. Howell's continuous encouragement should have helped, but her voice sounded so much like Aerith's. He swallowed, terrified of the way the walls of his throat seemed to be sticking together.

The fighter was finally able to suck in a breath, jerkily filling his lungs. He jumped a little at the soft laugh. "See? Everything's all right."

"_See? Everything's...all right."_

_Everything's..._

_It's all..._

_It's quiet._

_Why not? The others are in town..._

_Bare skin – softer than the grass beneath their bodies. Sweat. Hot breath. Clasped hands. Gasping sighs._

_He knew where to touch her, even though he'd never slept with a woman before. "Maybe we're meant to be together?" He knew what would make her moan._

"_You slept with him?"_

_They couldn't see him, behind that tent wall. The girls sat together, huddled around the fire late at night – he didn't blame them for assuming he was asleep._

_Tifa looked mad._

"_What was it like? Was he good?"_

"_Yuffie!"_

"_What? You wanna know too!"_

"_It's okay, Tifa. But...I don't know what to say...It was really good, don't get me wrong, but...it was so much like it was with...you know?"_

"_Your ex-boyfriend? The one that died?" _

"_Yeah...he was pretty much exactly the same in bed. Is that weird?"_

"Stop!" Cloud gasped – the still air around him was roaring in his ears, like he'd just resurfaced after spending far too long underwater. His hair stuck to his face from the cold sweat he was drenched in. "Stop talking – stop!" He sounded hysterical, even to himself. "You – you're..." Cloud pulled his hair and shook his head, groaning as the world came back into focus. "I –" He swallowed hard, shivering from head to toe. "I think I'm done for today."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

He was better than this. Rufus sighed to himself, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes – trying to scrub away the self-induced haze. He couldn't look composed, sitting here, in the bedroom attached to his office, in the dark with a mostly empty bottle of some kind of alcohol clutched in his right hand. The same position that he'd ended up in most nights, recently.

Dependence, Tseng had called it. Unhealthy, said Elena. Fucking alchy, Reno had laughed. Of course, all of them were true. The numbness was better than the sickening jealousy – better than the pain.

But he was better than this. He just couldn't stop.

"President Shinra?" A small, demure voice carried through the expansive office and into the bedroom beyond. "Sir, I have some paperwork that needs your signature."

It took a matter of moments before there was a short series of curt knocks on the bedroom door, the voice being a lot closer than before. "These need to go out tonight, sir."

He would have ignored the voice – he was in no state to be seen in such a state by his subordinates, after all – but he actually could remember the documents to which they were referring and they were highly important.

"C'me 'n." Rufus frowned at how garbled his voice was as it came out, but, clearly, the other person understood what he meant because the door swung open.

Rufus froze. Was that...?

"Reno?" The person came closer – they were slim, like the fiery-haired man, and had red hair. But it was different somehow..."You...you dyed your hair?"

Their was a light sigh. "No, sir. It's Cissnei."

"Oh...you both have red hair." Her boss sounded fascinated by that fact. The redhead leaned back as the intoxicated man reached out as though to ensure that she really was there.

"Yes, we do – although I'd like to that that mine is not so loud in colour as his."

"Yes...It's nice."

Cissnei cleared her throat, thanking all greater powers that her employer was too hammered to notice her blush. "Thank you, sir...Now, this signature?"

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"How was it?" Reno led Cloud through the building and out into the car park, his fingers laced through the man's own. He wanted to be able to enjoy the easy affection that the two of them allowed themselves now, but Cloud was in a mood and he still had to tell him about Denzel. _He is _not_ going to react well._

"...okay, I guess."

Frowning, Reno unlocked his new car and let go of Cloud's hand so they both could get in, being careful to let the blond do everything for himself. He let out a long suffering sigh. "I'm not going to force anything out of you, Cloud, but I thought that I was the one that you could tell this shit to."

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows and looked vaguely apologetic. "I'm just trying to make sense of it myself, so..."

Reno made a small noise of comprehension. "All right, take your time." He smiled a little and leaned over to the passenger side. "Gimmie a kiss before I have to stress you out more."

Cloud frowned. "What do you –?"

"_Kiss_." Reno interrupted and leaned forward and stole a peck on the lips, making his...his _boyfriend_ – fuck, that was weird – grin briefly. "Now, uh...we need to go to the hospital."

"What? Why?" Cloud's heart sped up as Reno started the car and began moving. A hand closed over his own, but that did little to soothe him. Who was hurt?

"Calm down, babe." Reno kept his voice low and even. "Everything's okay, it's nothing serious. Just Denzel got up to a bit of mischief today and bones got broken. He's fine though."

"_What_?" Cloud gripped the edge of his seat tightly, feeling helpless in his condition. He couldn't get their faster off his own back and that _terrified_ him. "You're telling me that my son is in hospital and you say that he's _fine_?"

Reno let out another breath of exhaustion, noting in the back of his mind that Cloud had referred to Denzel as his son. "I know, I know – it seems bad. Cloud, I promise you that he conscious and well. He's just feeling a bit sorry for himself."

"Right." Cloud crossed his arms and begrudged the fact that he couldn't stare out of the window and get lost in the thousands of thoughts racing through his head. The dangerous urge to do something self-harmful was rearing its ugly head yet again, but he had more pressing matters to deal with so he squashed it down to deal with later. "Just get there fast."

**I've never actually had a panic attack so I don't know how accurately I described Cloud's one...yeah :/ I'm not too happy with this chapter – it feels rushed but I wanted to get it out to you. I may rewrite it at a later date.**

**What do you guys think of the brief hint at a Rufus/Cissnei pairing? None of you managed to guess it as one of the 4 mystery couples and I've never actually seen a Rufus/Cissnei story before, so I thought it might be interesting. **

**Remaining couples to guess: Tseng x ? Tifa x ? and Vincent x ? .. x**


	11. Chapter 11

**I felt bad for giving you such a short chapter last time after such a long wait, so I decided to give you an extra update – short again, but more. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

_**Chapter Eleven**_

Denzel was indeed feeling sorry for himself. He could still hear Tifa's motherly I'm-so-angry-at-you-but-so-worried-too 'how dare you' lecture ringing in his ears and he couldn't shake off Marlene's hugs for the life of him. Barret was there too, supporting his upset little girl and freaking Denzel out about how mad Cloud was going to be that he scratched up his bike.

_Oh my god, I have to face Cloud!_ The boy felt guilty for being glad that Cloud wouldn't be able to see the damage that had been done to Fenrir, but it was pretty bad – the kickstand was bent out of shape, much of the paintwork that had hit the floor was scratched clean off and there was a nice Denzel-shaped dent in the side panel. It wouldn't take much to fix it, but he knew that knowing the damage was there would irk his guardian and Cloud would never let them take the bike to the mechanic.

Reno had left to pick up Cloud about an hour ago, having rushed straight to the house when Tifa called him and helped her free the boy from beneath the massive bike and drove them up the hospital. He had been in too much pain at the time to really think about much, but now it occurred to him how odd it was to have Reno help him out. He had literally dropped everything for at Tifa's call...

Was Reno Tifa's boyfriend? That was a weird thought – a lot had changed in the last two years if he was.

Regardless, he would be back soon – Cloud in tow – and then would have to face the music. Denzel puffed out a huge breath and fiddled with the hem of his boxer shorts – the doctors had to cut his jeans off to assess his broken leg and put a cast on it.

"Wha'ch you sighing about?" Barret smirked over at him. "Brought this on yourself, kid."

Denzel scrunched his nose and crossed his arms, turning his face away. He was _never_ going to live this down.

The privacy curtain swished open suddenly and Tifa walked in, her lips set into a stern line as her gaze fell upon her adoptive son. "They're nearly here – Reno's just parking up now."

A wave of anxiety washed over the boy laying in the hospital bed – Cloud was going to be _so_ mad! All he wanted to do was help.

The room was tense and silent – apart from the usual hospital sounds – while they waited for the other two to arrive, broken only by a nurse coming along to give Tifa a few forms and the prescription for mild painkillers in case Denzel's leg gave him too much pain to sleep. She mentioned that Denzel had been discharged and that they could leave whenever they were ready.

It wasn't five minutes after she had left that the curtain opened again, revealing Reno, soon followed by Cloud – they were holding hands, but Denzel assumed that was for guidance as they walked through the halls.

"Yo, we're here now." Reno tugged gently on Cloud's hand and led him to the side of the bed. The redhead met Denzel's eyes briefly and raised his eyebrows. Denzel wasn't sure what that meant.

"Denzel?" Cloud sounded shaky – from anger?

"Y-yeah?" His voice cracked, making Cloud furrow his eyebrows and glance up to where he thought his adoptive son was.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I–"

"He was being an idiot, is what happened." Tifa snapped – obviously her relief that Denzel was okay had dissolved into anger at what he had done. "You know, he sneaked into your office, stole the keys to Fenrir and then tried to ride it!"

"_What_?" Cloud straightened, his features tightening in anger – _here we go_. "I built Fenrir specifically for me, Denzel – for someone Mako enhanced."

"I know, I know – I'm sorry I ruined your precious Fenrir." Denzel wrapped his arms around his stomach, trying to still the twisting guilt. "It won't happen again, all right?"

"The bike?" A heavy hand landed on his shoulder, making the boy look up at his guardian. "Denzel, do you honestly think I care more about a hunk of metal that I do about you? Denzel, you could have gotten _killed_! Fenrir can be fixed if it gets broken – you can't."

Denzel's mouth dropped open – had Cloud honestly described Fenrir as a _hunk of metal_? Woah... "I..."

"Why?" Cloud's voice had calmed again, his previous outburst of emotion not present in his tone. "What made you do it? You're usually such a good kid, Den – something must be wrong."

No one had asked him why he had done it – the closest anyone had come was Tifa repeating 'What were you thinking? What were you _thinking_?' in her panic while waiting for Reno to arrive. Now that he was about to say it out loud, it sounded like such a stupid idea. But it made so much sense at the time!

"Well, I...I wanted to help out. I know that the bar is closed because Tifa doesn't have time to run it now and you can't run your delivery service so I know that we've got to do something about money." Denzel shrugged and scratched at the hospital bed beneath him, the tops of his ears growing warm with embarrassment. He ignored the shocked faces of the adults in the room. "I was going to do that list of deliveries for you, but I couldn't work out how to drive Fenrir. I was getting off of it when it fell on me."

The hand on his shoulder pulled him forward, into his guardian's chest. He couldn't remember the last time that Cloud had hugged him – a year, maybe more – but he always felt safe when he did. Like he had a dad again.

"I'm supposed to looking after you, Denzel, not the other way around." Cloud said softly, his voice weak. He leaned back and held the boy's face between his hands, eyes closed but Denzel knew that he was picturing his face in his mind. "You just focus on being a kid. I know things are hard now, but it will get better. I'm going to try really hard in therapy to get better and Tifa will be able to open the bar again soon. I'll even get another job that I can do while I'm like this. But you _focus on being a kid_, Denzel. I couldn't live with myself if my being blind stole your childhood away."

Denzel was shocked – that was the most he'd ever heard Cloud say at once but he knew that the man really meant what he was saying. All he could do was nod slowly before Cloud let go of him face and stepped away, looking in the general direction of the others.

"Let's go home."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

The airship that Tseng's family had arranged was exquisite, small as it was. It had one bedroom, a lounge area and a dining room for his use where he was served meals three times a day on his two day journey from Junon to Wutai. Each of the rooms were decorated beautifully with simple furniture which were either draped in ornate Wutaian silk or made of glass to display carefully crafted statuettes of cranes and deer within them. There were bonsai trees and chrysanthemum blossoms adorning the surfaces of various tables and dozens of priceless artworks lining the walls.

It was wonderful. It was home. It was typical of his parents, as he remembered them.

The luxury of the transport, however, did not cut through the distress of his situation. Yes, he wished to get back into contact with his family – they seemed to have finally accepted that Shinra was no longer the company that had ravaged Wutai not so many years before – but marrying someone he had yet to meet was not his ideal method of getting back into their good books.

A good match would endear Tseng in the eyes of the Wutaian public, making his family reputable once again – since getting back into contact, his parents reminded him regularly of the shame he had brought onto the Yomohiro name when he abandoned his heritage and took up a job in the company that was destroying the Planet; one which would then go on to torment his people in order to further their goals.

But the past was the past and he was now flying over the western sea, barely two hours from his destination. The heavy feeling in his stomach began to weigh down more and more the closer he got.

What would this woman be like? He couldn't be sure of a perfect match because his parents had forgone the use of a nakodo as a go between to ensure that they were well suited. It was an impulse marriage between two desperate families – not a good start, in Tseng's opinion. What if he and this woman did not get along? He was hardly in a position to say no – he was so close to regaining that sense of home that he had been longing for since he had left to broaden his horizons; so close that he could almost taste it and he was _not_ going to screw it up. He would just have to grit his teeth and bear it. Sighing, Tseng settled back into the silk-clad window seat of the airship, watching as land became slowly visible beyond the glass.

He didn't feel prepared when the ship began its decent – they had reached the clearing near the main Wutaian village already. Those days of travel had flown by too quick.

Soon enough, they had touched down and Tseng was whisked away to be dressed suitably for this meeting. While Wutai had progressed far enough with the rest of society for him not to have to wear a traditional kimono, he was preened, primped and stuffed into an expensive black suit that was much more formal than his usual work attire.

It was pleasant to speak in Wutaian once again, though it had been so long that he was a little rusty. The men helping him get ready were nice enough and they didn't mention his hesitancy when pronouncing some words. Still, everything felt rushed – like a steam train thundering down a track towards an inevitable destination. No escape.

"Tseng." He stood there, hands crossed in front of him formally, before the two people he had both missed and feared terribly. They looked older than the image he had in his head of them – which would make sense, seeing as that image was nearly fifteen years out of date – but their stance was much the same, with his father standing tall and proud and his mother hovering a pace behind. The only change of note was that his mother kept on glancing up at him, studying and checking him over with maternal concern, but she remained silent as always. "Do you accept our terms? Are you prepared to rejoin this family?"

The head Turk dropped his chin to his chest, closing his eyes in resignation. "I do and I am. When will I be meeting my bride?"

A smile tugged at his father's lips and his mother's face lit up as she let out a breath she had been holding. "Excellent. The girl is from a good family – one of the oldest in Wutai. It should be a good match. She is waiting in the tea garden with her parents."

"I'm meeting her now?" Tseng tried to still his quickly beating heart at the weight of the situation.

"Of course – the sooner the better. We aren't expecting a wedding right away, but this meeting is important." His father gestured for him to follow as he turned and made his way through the modest house towards the small personal tea garden at the back. As he passed by, his mother's small hand squeezed his arm gently, filling him with a warmth that he hadn't felt in too long.

The paper door slid open easily, revealing a table filled to the brim with extravagant food stuffs and pots upon pots of tea. Three people were already there, the two eldest were knelt at the table already and the third standing with her back to their hosts, arms crossed.

Tseng took a moment to study the woman before she turned around. She had a nice body, at least – slim but still curvy – and had a sheet of silky looking black hair that reached her shoulders. Apparently her parents had decided that she should wear a kimono to the meeting, one that was decorated with a blend of the autumn and winter colours of red and blue and fluttering leaves in the wind.

The older woman at the table smiled and turned in her place, laying a hand on her daughter's back. The girl jerked away – clearly as unhappy with this arrangement as Tseng was – but turned around regardless, folding her hands in her lap. She lifted her chin defiantly – showing a face bereft of traditional make up – faltering only when she laid eyes on her husband to be.

Tseng's jaw dropped as his father spoke up.

"Yomohiro Tseng, _son_, I formally introduce you to your fiancé – Kisaragi Yuffie."

**BOOM**

**I made up Tseng's last name to be Yomohiro – if you don't like it...meh.**

**So that's Rufus/Cissnei, Tseng/Yuffie, Tifa/? and Vincent/? as the side couples .. x**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm so so so so so so sorry for the delay...well...enjoy?**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi **(Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome. **There will also be some **explicit Hetero scenes**.

**WARNING! Suggestive content!**

_**Chapter Twelve**_

The ceiling fan rotated slowly, disturbing the tendrils of smoke rising from the redhead man's lips. He was sat back in his chair, feet propped up on the desk in the tiny space that wasn't occupied by mounds of paperwork, with his head tipped back. His cigarette was nearly burnt out, poised firmly between his fore and middle fingers. The fan kept turning.

"Taking a break, partner?"

Reno rolled his head along the top of his chair to regard the new arrival. "Haven't started. Kinda dreading it, yo. Where do we even begin?"

The man rubbed a large hand over his bald head, casting his sun glass covered eyes over the mass of work that awaited them. "Well, it's a big project, red – and you of all people can't afford to slack now. There's a lot of ethics to account for and health and safety assessments – research into the circumstances surrounding it and so on. You know as well as I do what the repercussions would be if this goes wrong."

"Eurgh!" Reno dropped his feet back onto the floor and braced his hands on the arms of his chair, scanning the piles. "Ethics? _Health and safety_?" He shook his head and crushed the remnants of his cigarette into his waste bin, picking up a random stack and dumping it in the space in front of him. "Boy, has our job changed. What happened to the days when we just _did_ our job and cleaned up afterwards, yo?"

"It went down the drain with the rest of the world as we knew it." Rude settled himself in his own desk chair and pulled another stack towards himself. He jabbed his pen in Reno's direction and lifted one eyebrow. "We still haven't finished cleaning up our last mess, so let's just do it this way."

The man wrinkled his nose and focused on his work. "I know, I know. Just wondering why _we_ have to do it – we're field agents, not pencil pushers."

"It's top secret until we know the results – the fewer people that know about it, the better." Rude didn't say more on the subject. Reno sighed and started filling out his reports and paperwork, grumbling about unreliable bosses and certain red-headed girls ordering him around, telling him that he couldn't go and knock Rufus out of this funk. _She'll_ handle this. Whatever that means.

_Aim: to investigate the Northern Cave Crater. _

_Department__(s) __a__ssigned: World __Regenerative__ Organisation (WRO) and Department of Administrative Research. _

_Team __a__ssigned: ..._

Reno rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath about _fucking paperwork_. It was after ten minutes of silence, only broken by pen scratches and rustles of paper, that Reno's mind began to wonder back to who had been occupying it every second of the day for the past few months. He'd be going to see Cloud after work tonight, but all of this needed finishing before they left. It was manageable, but frustrating.

He pursed his lips in thought – it had been a few weeks since they had started dating and, as of yet, they had kept things pretty chaste. Reno didn't mind, really – he was just so glad to be able to _be_ with Cloud, finally, after three years of yearning for him – but they were both red blooded males and they knew each other well enough; he was ready to take it further.

But there was Cloud to consider. Of course. He probably had too much on his mind to even be thinking about taking things to the next level with his boyfriend – Reno should be considerate and let the blond deal with things one at a time. But he was so _frustrated_ – he was used to being able to go down a club to pick up some random guy and scratch his itch. This monogamy thing was new to him and, while it was fresh and exciting to be with Cloud exclusively, he didn't choose the best time to throw a complicated relationship in with Cloud's mounting problems.

_Tonight_, he decided – he would take the pressure off of Cloud and 'treat' him tonight. Just get the ball rolling. He just had to distract Tifa – she had a bad habit of checking on Cloud every ten minutes like a child. And on Denzel. And on Marlene. And on the bar.

Maybe Tifa needed someone to take the pressure off too. Two birds with one stone, he guessed.

"Yo, Rude – what'ya doing tonight?" Reno kept his pen moving along the papers as Rude looked up at his voice. He shrugged and went back to work as he spoke.

"Nothin' planned."

"Wanna come to Edge with me? I'm going down there to see Cloud."

The man's brows drew together. "Why the hell would I want to join you when you're visiting your boyfriend?"

"Naw, man." Reno chuckled and tugged at his earlobe with his left hand. "Tifa's gonna be there, too. She's got the bar back up and running, so come with me – have a drink. Enjoy the _company_."

Rude scoffed and took a sip of the coffee he'd brought in with him. "Not this again, red. I told you – she doesn't like me like that."

"Oho?" Reno straightened his back and thrust his pen at his partner. "But _you_ like _her_, eh?"

The bald man sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've never denied that. In fact, I told you straight that I liked her. Doesn't change the fact that she's not into me."

"That's what you think..." Reno muttered under his breath in a sing-song voice, drawing Rude's undivided attention. He spoke over his partner's confused sputter of 'wait, what?'. "Anyway, you can hang out as friends regardless. She's been so overwhelmed lately with everything that's been going on that she could do with hanging out with someone who is removed from the situation."

Rude rolled a shoulder back and nodded after a moments hesitation. "I guess..."

"Hey, you should get in there, Rude – help her 'de-stress', you know?" Reno's eyebrows wriggled in suggestion as he cackled, watching his friend's face grow ruddy.

"R-reno!"

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

She didn't know why she kept on going back – he continued to drink and insisted on calling her Reno. She even went as far as volunteering to be the official go-between for the Turks and President Shinra for particularly urgent matters. They understood that their leader was going through some kind of personal trauma – one which required him to take a step back from running the company for a while – and, with Tseng on leave in Wutai, Reno was in charge of Shinra corp. as third in command of the company.

Now that she thought about it, it kind of made sense that Rufus had tricked himself into thinking that it was Reno coming to him for business matters. Cissnei just decided not to tell him the truth.

She had her reasons.

"How are you today, sir?" Cissnei placed the stack of paperwork – most of which didn't really _need_ Rufus' signature – on her employer's desk, casting and eye over his pristine white suit and bloodshot eyes.

"'m fine, Reno." Rufus rubbed at his face and sighed, swaying slightly in his desk chair. "'little tipsssy...bu' fine."

Cissnei had become used to hearing him refer to her as her fickle colleague – as hard as it was for her to accept that the man would never choose to see _her._ She had even grown accustomed to seeing these small gestures and mannerisms that made the untouchable Rufus Shinra look human. It made her wonder what kind of relationship he actually had with Reno – something had obviously happened between the two to cause this, though Cissnei had no idea if the two had any personal relationship outside of work.

"A little tipsy?" Cissnei raised an eyebrow and scoffed quietly, clearing the desk before her of empty bottles – ones that _certainly_ were not there a few hours before when she had brought Rufus dinner to make sure that he was eating. "If I could drink this much within a matter of hours and only be tipsy, I wouldn't have lost all of those bets with Reno."

"Reno?" Rufus' head perked up from its previous position – hung low so his chin almost touched his chest – at the mention of the other redhead. He frowned, scrubbing as his eyes with his hands to try and clear his vision. When he was done, he looked directly as Cissnei for the first time in days. "No...you're no' him...you're Ciss...nei..?"

A little flicker of _something_ niggled in Cissnei's chest – _finally_. "Yes, sir. That's right." The woman continued to clear up Rufus' desk – stalling for time, honestly, before she would run out of reasons to stay in the office – feeling a little breathless for some reason. Was this the beginning to the end of his slump?

Rufus watched her clean for a while, lost in his thoughts, before an idea struck him – an awful, _awful_ idea that would surely be destructive to them both. An idea that he knew, even through the drunken haze, made him a terrible person.

But an idea that he intended to carry out.

The woman walked around the desk, reaching out for the empty dinner plate that still sat before him. She gasped as her wrist was caught in a firm grip, snapping her head up to see the intense gaze that Rufus was giving her. "S-sir?"

Without a word, the blond stood, pushing the plate to the floor with a crash. Cissnei did not notice the plate shatter – she was far too preoccupied with controlling her fluttering heart when Rufus pushed her up against the desk. He was so close that she had to grip onto his arms to stop herself from toppling backwards onto the wooden surface. His breath was hot on her face as he spoke, surprisingly steady for how intoxicated he was. "Why do you keep on coming back?"

Cissnei shuddered at the deep voice that serenaded her ears, making deep tendrils of heat coil in her belly. "You're drunk, sir."

Her employer closed his eyes briefly and pressed his cheek against hers, putting his lips right next to her ear. "I want you to call me Rufus."

This was like something out of Cissnei's darkest and most secret thoughts – the thought of her boss seducing her on his desk made her toes curl and her core throb with desire. But he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing...right? "Cissnei?"

A breath exploded out of her mouth at the feel of Rufus pressing forward, pushing gently until she was perched on the desk with him between her legs. She couldn't help herself – the feel of Rufus' partially hard member pressing tightly against the junction of her thighs through their clothes made her gasp, pulling him closer by his arms. She didn't care if this was only a distraction for him – she wanted this.

"Rufus..."

It was a heated blur to them both – of flesh and sweat and _heat_.

He was so much better than she had ever imagined. He was so kind and attentive – like he cared so much.

She smelled like the brand of cigarettes that she and Reno both smoked. If he squinted the soft ginger hair could almost be bright red. If he really tried, he could feel straight masculine angles in the place of womanly curves. The fantasy was flawed, but if Cissnei was all he could have then Rufus would claim her gladly.

**I offer progression and drama as recompense for my delays...**

**I feel bad for Cissnei...**


	13. Chapter 13

**We've hit over 10,000 views people! I'm so glad that there's so much love for this story – it's a major kick in the butt to get going and write more :D Alas, I have so little free time. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible **triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

**WARNING! Explicit content!**

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

Reno felt a little bad for kicking Denzel out of the house – he seemed to spend a lot of time at his friends' houses anyway and it probably would be better for him to spend more time with Cloud when he could. It would also be kind of nice if Reno got to know him a little more and for him to get used to him being around. But needs must. Sort of.

"It's the weekend, yo, and he mentioned that there's a birthday party going on tonight – let the little ankle biter have some fun." Reno grinned at Tifa, watching anxiously for a change in her expression. When she looked slightly indecisive, he went in for the kill. "I mean, he deserves it after all he's been through, right?"

"But, he's grounded..." Tifa looked a little pained – she wanted to stick to her guns and see the punishment through after his misadventure with Fenrir, but she also understood his reasoning and wanted to give him a break.

"C'mon, he's been in solitary confinement for two whole weeks!"

"I told him that he's grounded for a month."

"So release him early for good behaviour."

"He ate cookies before dinner just yesterday when I told him no."

"That's just a compliment to your cooking."

Tifa rubbed her temples in agitation, trying to ignore the complete distraction that Reno had brought along with him. Why was Rude here, again? "Reno..."

Sighing, Tifa picked up a cloth and began to wipe down the bar. It was nearly time for the Friday night influx of patrons and she was trying to get prepared. She had hired a new barmaid to help over the weekend, but she was still swamped all the same due to her need to escape every ten minutes to check on things upstairs. It was a blessing, really, that Marlene was with Barret for the time being, as much as Tifa loved having her around, because the bar was busier than ever with its reopening and she had hardly any time to herself. It seemed that the denizens of Edge had convinced themselves that the place was new and improved now because of the 'refurbishment' and didn't seem to realise that it was the same as it always was. Maybe it was the new barmaid – Rinoa was gorgeous, after all, and a lot more flirty with the patrons than Tifa herself. She didn't seem to mind the low pay, either.

"Come on, Tifa – I'll take care of Cloud so that you don't have to be running all over the show more than you have to and Rude said that he'd take care of anyone that gets too handsy tonight."

Tifa turned to Rude in surprise. "You're staying?"

Rude coughed behind his hand and nodded, forcing himself to keep his cool – Tifa had sounded almost pleased at the prospect. "Yeah, I'm staying."

Tifa looked back at Reno, studying his hopeful face. It was quite clear that he had his own agenda – it didn't take three guesses to figure out why he wanted to be alone upstairs with Cloud – but Tifa had to admit that it would be nice to only have one task to focus on for the night. Having Rude around was just a bonus.

She rolled her eyes and showed her palms in surrender. "Fine! Fine, Reno. But you're driving him there and picking him up later."

"Awesome!" Reno jumped up out of his stool and bounced through the house door and up the stairs, crashing and banging all the way.

Tifa let a tiny smile slip as soon as he was out of sight. Rude had to swallow a lump in his throat – it had been a long time since he had been in the company of the beautiful brunette and he had almost forgotten how it affected him when she smiled.

"Why do you think he was so insistent?" Rude blushed a little when the woman's gaze was transferred to him; the smile still lingered – even grew, dare he believe?

Rolling her eyes, Tifa ducked under the bar and made her way to the front door. "I don't know, why would he want to be alone with his boyfriend of a month?"

The dark man watched as she unlocked the door and turned the small white sign that read 'open for business'. "I guess...I wouldn't have thought it would be a big deal for them by now, you know?"

Tifa shrugged and pulled out an apron for her and her barmaid, who just had arrived with the first few patrons. "Hey, Rinoa. This is Rude – friend of Reno's."

The girl smiled politely. "Nice to meet you." She cast an eye over the man in front of her before turning to her employer. "Shall I get started? The game's on tonight and I've got a sneaky feeling that we're going to be jammed."

Tifa nodded, frowning a little at the way Rinoa was looking at Rude, a strange feeling churning in her gut. "Yeah, I'll be there in a sec."

The girl smirked, reaching past Tifa for the apron that was hanging on a hook on the wall and whispering to her slyly. "Take your time, Tifa." She grinned and winked, giggling at Tifa's blush before sauntering off to the other side of the bar to serve the first few customers.

Meanwhile, Rude was pondering the new barmaid; she was nice – good looking, seemed to be polite and even resembled the lovely proprietor of 7th Heaven a bit – but she was nothing on Tifa.

He couldn't put his finger on why.

Maybe it was their shared history. The constant enemy-cum-ally status of their relationship. Perhaps that they had saved each other's lives more times they they had tried to kill one another – though Rude had always avoided hurting her whenever possible. He couldn't deny that part of his infatuation stemmed from her fierce loyalty and calm, maternal nature.

And she was damn sexy.

He was still a man, after all.

"You want a drink, Rude?"

The dark skinned man blinked out of his reverie and glanced up, clearing his throat at being caught unaware. His drilled-in Turk training berated him for letting himself relax, but Rude pushed past it and told himself, again, that there were no enemies here. It was his night off, so he was going to enjoy it.

"Yeah, got whiskey?"

Tifa nodded and ducked underneath the bar, preparing a tumbler. "Rocks?"

"Neat."

Ignoring the ice tray, the barmaid poured a generous helping of the stuff and passed it over, waving the man away when he went for his wallet. "On the house."

Offering a small grin, Rude lifted the glass, tilting it towards her. "Cheers."

Tifa leaned on the bar, swallowing to ease the fluttery feeling in her stomach. She enjoyed Rude's company and it had been too long since she had the pleasure of a conversation with him. His calm, stoic nature was just what she needed right now – in a world of people that depended on her, here was someone that needed no one but himself, but still chose to sit and drink with her.

The man lifted a brow when she poured herself a glass of the stuff, on the rocks with a squeeze of lemon. "Drinking on the job?"

"It's my bar."

Rude's grin widened and shrugged, watching her take a sip. "How's everything going?"

The woman shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and swirling the ice in her glass. "Alright, I guess. Marlene's at Barret's place, Denzel's leg is healing up nicely and Cloud's...not really better, but stable."

Rude shook his head. "I meant with you."

Tifa opened her mouth to answer before shutting it again, drawing her brows together. She looked thoughtful as she took another sip. "It's been a while since anyone asked me that."

"I guess that's understandable, given the circumstances."

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine, though." Tifa finished her glass, having only poured a small amount for herself. "It's been tough, but it's all coming together – kind of. We've got a routine going and we're getting used to it all. More than I could hope for this soon after it happening, I guess."

"That's good then."

Rude continued sipping his drink, watching the place fill up and patrons flock the bar. Reno had come and gone, taking Denzel to his little party before returning and dashing upstairs, never to be seen again. Tifa had to leave him to his own devices for a few hours to help Rinoa serve customers. That was fine – he felt calm and relaxed; he was actually having a good time.

He watched the game a bit – not that he was entirely invested in it because his team wasn't playing – and only had to clear his throat menacingly a couple of times when drunk men tried to reach across the bar to get at the women serving their drinks. They were harmless, really – just too drunk and overconfident to understand the word no. Or 'back the fuck off' as Rinoa had put it – that guy was the only one that needed to be bodily removed from the premises by Rude.

Eventually, it calmed down to a point that Rinoa could handle the work on her own after having her break and insisted that Tifa went back to her 'mocha muscle man'.

"Having fun?"

Rude glanced away from the TV and nodded at her, his cheeks feeling warm from the effects of the whisky – Tifa hadn't let his glass empty all night. "Yeah. It's been a while since I had a night out."

Tifa smirked and leaned on the bar, perhaps a little closer than usual. "It's hardly a rave here."

The man shrugged. "Don't need to go to a rave to have a good night."

"There's no quiet bars around Junon?"

"Yeah, there is." Taking another sip of the hard stuff, Rude felt uncommonly mischievous. "They don't have you there, though."

A dark blush stained Tifa's cheeks, but she refused to look away – she even leaned closer, crossing her arms and inadvertently resting her breasts on them. It took every ounce of self control that Rude possessed to keep looking at her face. "Are you saying that me being here is a draw for you?"

Rude's face heated a bit more – was this flirting? It felt like flirting.

Well...why the hell not?

"Well, as much as I like the guy, I don't come here for Cloud." Not quite as seductive as he'd like, but obvious with its intent. Rude's ears burned – he had to take a large gulp of his drink to distract himself from the devious expression that appeared on Tifa's face.

"Why don't you come over more often then?" Tifa reached forward and touched his forearm, making him jump slightly and chuckle at himself. Tifa's smile widened at his actions. "I like having you around.

Rude felt his confidence built with every little flirtation – and every shot of whiskey – and grinned. "Well, I could, you know? Come around more often." He placed his large hand over the one she had on his arm. He had taken his sunglasses off a while ago – because glares work better when the guy can see your eyes – and gazed at the beautiful barmaid fondly. "If you want me to."

The butterflies in Tifa's stomach fluttered their wings faster as she turned her hand in his grasp so that they were palm to palm. She nibbled her lip and nodded. "I do."

She'd never seen Rude smile so much in such a short amount of time – nor had she seen him with a grin this big. "I could come around during the week, if your not busy. Take you out."

A date? Could she really find the time for that? She had so much to do with the bar and Denzel and Cloud and...

Ah, to hell with it!

"I'm free on Thursday. Reno's coming over to see Cloud and Denzel's school finishes early for the summer. He's going to visit Barret and Marlene. So..." Tifa shrugged and blushed a little more. Did she sound too eager?

Rude didn't think so.

"Thursday's good."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"You should'a seen his face, Blondie – biggest smile ever!" Reno chattered away as he got the plates out of the cupboards and started to dish out their food – he was so pleasantly happy that Cloud didn't even wince at the choice of words. It took Cloud a long time to believe that Reno could actually cook – he had been convinced that the man secretly ordered it from a restaurant and claimed it as his own. "He couldn't keep still in the car and was out like a shot when we got there. I reckon he's got our deal figured out 'cos he was all like 'I'm so glad you're around so much, Reno'. Felt all warm and fuzzy, y'know?" Cloud smiled at Reno's chatter – he was excited about something tonight. He loved it when Reno was this upbeat – it didn't happen often nowadays because he usually reflected Cloud's mood when he was around him, despite his best efforts to keep his spirits up. "Yo, I think he likes this girl that was at the party 'cos he was all blushy and shy when she came out to meet him from the car."

Cloud heard the plate being put down in front of him and accepted the fork from Reno. He thanked him quietly and began to eat – he was getting much better at eating without assistance. His food had to be cut up for him, but he didn't mind so much now because everyone had stopped treating him so much like a child the rest of the time. The lesser of two evils, he supposed.

"Gotta remember to tease him about that, ha!" Reno sat next to him at the dinner table and poured drinks for them both. "I keep forgetting how old he's getting, yo. Twelve already! Thirteen in December...I feel like I've known him for ages, but it's only been a few years..." Reno blushed a little, glad that Cloud couldn't see it – it was clear enough by his behaviour that he was nervous about something. "I – I'm babbling, aren't I?"

Cloud smiled a little, making Reno's breath catch in his throat. "Yeah, you are, but that's okay." The blond chewed on his food and tapped the table absently with his free hand. "I'm glad that you feel close with him. He's a big part of my life and...um..." The tips of his ears went pink as he mumbled the rest of the sentence, not too quietly for Reno to hear it, though. "You are as well."

There was a beat of silence before Reno's chair scraped along the floor. Suddenly, Cloud's lap was full of the slim Turk – hands in his hair and thighs straddling his own. "Reno?"

Hot breath brushed the shell of his ear, making his body shiver and a flash of heat run through him. "Thank you for saying that, Cloud. I needed to hear it." A soft kiss pressed against his jaw and Cloud's hands automatically fell from the table so that he could grasp the redhead's thighs, unconsciously kneading. "You're the same, you know? I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

_He needs me_.

Cloud turned his head, claiming Reno's lips in a firm kiss, pulling him closer to his body and wrapping his arms around his waist. The Turk groaned quietly, shifting in his boyfriend's lap. The food lay forgotten on the table as the heat between them built.

Reno let his hands slide from Cloud's shoulders to his chest, his biceps, his stomach – all the while pressing kiss after open-mouthed kiss against his lips. He gasped at the sensation of Cloud's hands sliding down his back to his ass, pulling him closer still as he palmed and pressed him through his trousers.

It was unclear whose tongue snuck out first, but before either man knew it, they were sliding slickly against each other. Reno's groin throbbed in jealousy at the feel of the hot wet muscle against his own, causing him to thrust his tongue into Cloud's mouth almost aggressively, growling low in his throat.

Cloud...didn't seem to like that, actually.

The blond squeezed the flesh in his hands and pulled away from the kiss, instead sucking harshly at the junction between his neck and shoulder. Reno gasped and tugged at the blond hair before him, trying a different tactic of dominance.

Cloud didn't like that either.

Before he knew it, Reno had been pushed against the dining table, his wrists both held behind his back by one of Cloud's hands as the blond used his free hand to unbutton his shirt. Reno was so aroused by his actions that he almost didn't make the connection, but by the time he did, his shirt was already undone and Cloud's mouth was kissing a path down his chest and stomach, flicking his little pink tongue across his nipples and dipping it into his shallow navel.

Cloud wanted to be in control. No...he _needed_ to be in control.

Reno bit his lip and moaned submissively, testing the waters – he watched Cloud's reaction through narrowed eyes as he paused for a second to pant. A dark flush spread across his face and chest as he was visibly more turned on by the sound. In the next moment, Reno threw his head back in ecstasy while his boyfriend pressed a hot tongue against his hard member through his clothing.

It made sense, Reno thought with the last dregs of his sanity – this was something that Cloud could do without assistance. And he could do it _well_. Reno needed him in order to get off and that was a huge turn on for Cloud at this point in his life – right now, the ex-soldier was a control freak.

The Turk made sure not to hold in his gasps and moans – Cloud seemed to get faster, less precise, with each utterance from him. Cloud pulled at his trousers, tugging them low enough that the tip of Reno's cock pocked out of the waistband for him to play with. His tongue swirled and flicked at the sensitive flesh, digging into the ridge and lapping at the glans.

"Oh, _gods_!" Reno bit at his lip, trying desperately to hold himself back and panting harshly with the effort. He and Cloud had not gone further than making out before and he knew for a fact that he was going to come too soon. The man was so fucking _good_. Reno was half tempted to attribute these talents to his new blindness – his sense of touch was the only thing the man had to get familiar with his dick, after all, and Cloud seemed to want a _really_ good picture.

"Fuck!" A hand gripped around his length tightly – his trousers having come down further without him noticing – and pumped quickly, in time with the now bobbing and sucking mouth that slid up and down him. Reno's hands clenched and released rapidly within their confines as he tried not to thrust up into that wet heat.

"_Cloud_, I'm gonna come! S-slow down!" Reno gasped as the pressure increased, the rhythm quickened – he thrashed his head against the table and strained his hips against the pleasure. The hand disappeared as he was taken deeper into the man's throat. "Ah, I – _Cloud!_"

The tongue against the underside of his manhood pressed harder for a moment as the owner of it swallowed, causing Reno to shiver. The man looked down at his boyfriend as he let his cock slide out of his mouth with a few cursory licks and rested his cheek against Reno's thigh, breathing heavily with glazed blue eyes.

With his hands finally released, Reno ran his fingers through the thick blonde hair that he could reach and relaxed against the table. A sticky hand emerged from out of sight and rested gingerly on the table, palm up. A devious grin spread across the Turk's face. "I guess that answers the question 'what about you?'"

A blush appeared on Cloud's fair face, but he didn't look too embarrassed – he was too drunk on his post-sex high.

Chuckling, Reno lifted himself off of the table, almost leaning down to give Cloud a kiss before he realised something...gross.

"Eww! I sat in the food!"

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Are you certain?"

The signal fluctuated sporadically and there was a lot of static, but the cultured voice of Nanaki could not have been mistaken through the mobile device.

"Fairly. There are tests that need to be done first to make sure." Reeve Tuesti gazed down at his discovery as he said it – the tests were a waste of time. There was no mistaking this.

A sigh. "Don't tell Cloud about this yet – we need confirmation first."

"Of course." Cloud...He had so much on his plate already. This was not something that he needed to deal with. "I'll get the WRO on it."

"Let me know the results?"

"Will do. I must be going – there's a lot to be done. Speak soon, Nanaki."

"Thank you, Mr. Tuesti. I look forward to hearing from you." The call was ended.

"I hope this is not what you think it is. He will not survive it."

"No...I think you're right." Reeve turned to his companion with a sombre expression, clasping his shoulder in familiarity. "I know that neither of us are particularly God-fearing, but I think it's time to pray, Vincent."

Vincent glanced up, surveying the face of his old friend. Cloud had been good to him in their years of being friends and they understood each other well – Vincent knew that the man was close to breaking point. This straw would surely be one too many.

"Then pray we shall."

**Extra long chapter with a tiny bit of smut and progress – how about that for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**12,000+ views O.O Wow...thanks guys! Short again. Whoops...Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

Dr. Howell put him on anti-depressants.

He still wasn't coping. Apparently.

It took a lot of questions before she decided which ones were appropriate because of the side effects and how they would affect him. She said that she needed to know about his previous coping methods. That's how the conversation led to his self-harming. It's not like he ever did it habitually. Just sometimes – when he was particularly low and on the verge of giving up. The small punishment stopped him from going over the edge.

It wasn't a big deal.

Dr Howell disagreed.

She said that it was important that he stopped. He told her that he would try. She told him that he should tell Tifa.

Cloud disagreed.

The session was trying for him – more so than usual – and he found himself absently running his thumbnail over the thin scars on the inside of his left arm whilst sitting in his typical cross-armed stance. The lines were crossed and jagged, spread widely around to the outside of his biceps and down nearly to his forearm. They were quite extensive, but the older ones had faded to white over the years – the newer ones were more hidden on the inner part that he was currently scratching, ignoring the sharp shocks of pain that resulted from the action. It was easy to pass them off as a result of geostigma.

Dr. Howell's eyes followed the action but said nothing, simply making a note on her clipboard.

"We have known each other for nearly two months now, Cloud." The doctor said, tapping her pen on her chin thoughtfully. "While I believe that our chats have helped you relax and accept some things about yourself, there has been no progress in regards to regaining your sight and I believe that you need further treatment."

Cloud frowned severely. "So pills are your answer?"

The woman kept her calm, soothing tone. Just like Aerith's. "Medication is one direction that we're going in, yes, but I also want to try a newly developed treatment to tackle some of the deeper problems." Dr. Howell paused for a moment – when Cloud didn't respond, she continued. "I believe that you have repressed many of your more traumatic memories in addition to them being lost as a result of your exposure to high levels of Mako and we need to bring them to light in order to help you."

The man before her huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "To be honest, I'm quite happy not to remember a lot of things. I can't see how dragging my memories up can help."

"I understand your hesitance, but I really think this is where your problem lies." Leilah pressed her lips together, wondering how to broach this subject. It was very clear to her that Mr. Strife was suffering with some kind of delayed post-traumatic stress disorder as well as minor depression and a plethora of other problems – the man needed to have this treated, not only for his state of mind but for that of his family. However, there was something she wasn't convinced about. "I think at this point in time we have to face the possibility that your blindness may not be reversible, but we can try."

He wasn't really surprised, but a sick feeling rose up in his gut.

Blond eyebrows drew together as their owner bit his lip and considered his options – well, lack of options. He could be stubborn and insist that what they were doing was enough – after all, why on Gaia would he opt to revisit the most painful and soul destroying moments in his life without a gun to his head? – or he could accept her treatments and live with those images in his head while having no guarantee that he would get his sight back as a result.

He didn't know what to do.

"What..." He cleared his throat. "What does this treatment involve?"

"Well, in layman's terms it's kind of like a form of hypnosis, only a bit less controversial. A colleague of mine developed it using both Seal and Mystify materia – he found a way to combine the effects in order to put the patient in a trance and ask them questions that they are able to answer using their subconscious mind. If you have repressed or lost memories, there's a chance that they may still be retained in your subconscious mind." The doctor smiled at Cloud's puzzled features – she had a feeling that she may have lost him somewhere. "As I said before, it's a new development, but it has proven very successful with the few patients that have been subjected to it."

"Uh..." Hypnosis? Cloud almost refused on the spot. What if he reacted badly to a memory and attacked someone? He was too strong for most anyone to fight him off and it was very possible that he would seriously hurt someone. "Would I be able to move?"

Dr. Howell bit her lip, misunderstanding his concerns. "I know that you are reluctant to be out of control of a situation, Cloud, but it would be necessary to put you in sedate state."

He breathed a small sigh in relief, making the doctor raise an eyebrow in question. "Ah, okay. That's fine."

While she was curious as to why that would be a good thing to Cloud, she let it slide. "So you wish to try it?"

Did he? This may be his only chance to get his sight back. Was this worth being able to protect himself again? To...to see Denzel grin mischievously as he stole cookies behind Tifa's back? To watch Tifa roll her eyes in exasperation at Cloud's social blunders? To witness Marlene's face light up when Barret came into town?

To see Reno smile.

With a tiny gasp, Cloud realised something.

"I want to try." The blond nodded, holding his breath as he heard the scratching of Dr. Howell's pen.

Yes, he would have to confront his most horrific experiences, but...

He wouldn't be facing them alone.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

The tea with their families had been tense, yes, but uneventful after the revelation of his fiancé's identity. Yuffie had knelt in her place at the table demurely, as expected, and as was silent as Tseng while their parents conversed and made plans. Over the next five days, all of their arranged meetings and 'dates' had been chaperoned by their parents constantly, so they were only able to discuss _safe_ and _appropriate_ topics, such as the weather and how much Wutai had changed over the years. However, today was Tseng's last day in Wutai – he was flying back to Junon that night – and their families had decided that the couple should spend some time alone to get to know each other and make a decision on whether or not to go through with the marriage.

That's how Tseng ended up sitting on a secluded bench overlooking the picturesque scenery on the bank of the River Wu, being berated and yelled at by his blushing bride to be. She seemed to have saved a few things for when they were alone.

"Of _all_ people! How could they?" The girl strutted back and forth in front of Tseng, her hands furiously gripping the fabric of another kimono that her parents had insisted on her wearing, lifting the long skirts up so that she could angrily pace with ease. "This is damn ridiculous–!"

"If you would just calm down–"

"–_'You're twenty years old Yuffie – it's time to settle down'_ – what kind of crap is that?–"

"–you would see that–"

"–twenty isn't even old any more! Those old sexist pigs are so outdated–"

"–they have a point about–"

"–and to a fuckin' Shinra drone on top of everything else–!"

"–bloodlines and connections–"

"–I mean, _Gods_ – how much freaking older than me are you? You must be in your, like, forties or something!"

The vague point that Tseng was trying to make died on his tongue as he scoffed indignantly – _forty_?! "I'm thirty-one, for your information."

Yuffie stopped pacing and pinned him with a slightly shocked look. "_Really_?" She roved her eyes up and down his face. She supposed he was handsome, in a plain way – his straight black hair was shiny and his skin was pale and clear.

Stepping closer and leaning in, she studied him intensely, making him feel a little uncomfortable but he allowed her to look. His eyes were small and black and the tilak on his forehead wasn't particularly obtrusive or ugly – now that she looked closely, she noticed a large white scar, almost invisible, on the left side of his jaw. She guessed that had been a gift from Kadaj's gang.

Tapping her chin thoughtfully, Yuffie sighed. "You should try smiling more." She nodded at her observation and straightened up. "It's the frown lines that make you look old, Mr. Grumpy."

Tseng's frown deepened habitually, making him quickly cover his mouth with a hand, feeling self conscious at the girl's observations. Yuffie giggled a little at his reaction, forgetting all about why she had been angry. "You have such a way with words. I can't wait for you to be my wife."

The sarcastic comment halted her laughter and made her mood drop like a stone. "Wife...damn." She sat down heavily beside Tseng on the bench, leaving a noticeable gap between them. She huffed and leaned her elbows on her knees, head perched in her hands as she glanced sideways at her _fiancé_. "I think I've made my thoughts pretty clear. What's your take on things?"

Tseng sighed and leaned back against the bench, looking across the expanse of water before them, not really seeing it but feeling an odd sense of peace that was completely out of place in this situation. "It's doesn't matter what I think. I intend to accept this match because it's inevitable for me to wed soon – if you don't accept then I'm sure my parents will find another woman who might be willing. Although, I would like it to be you. Your family is the most valued in Wutai and, should we marry, they will bring the Yomohiro name out of the mud." The man closed his eyes, not wishing to see Yuffie's reaction to what he had to say. "I know my association with Shinra has caused pain to our people – more so when the war started and I didn't come back. I really thought I could change the world there – protect Wutai using my high status as a Turk – so I stayed." He let out a hollow laugh. "I didn't do a very good job, though. I helped change the world, but it was hardly for the better...If things happened differently, maybe I could have stopped Sephiroth from becoming the Demon of Wutai. I definitely could have saved Zackary if I'd acted fast enough, as well as prevented Strife from seeing what he has seen." Shaking his head, eyes still closed, Tseng didn't see the pained expression on Yuffie's face. "Hindsight is a wonderful thing...but I digress. If this is the only way to redeem myself for my sins, then I will accept." He opened his eyes with a gentle smile. "I'm glad that it's with someone that I know. In a way."

When he glanced over at Yuffie, her face was still between her hands, cheeks pushed by her palms to make her lips pout comically. Tseng almost laughed at the image – she was so...cute.

The girl seemed to struggle with herself for a few moments before she suddenly lifted herself out of her seat and planted her feet directly in front of Tseng. He looked up to see her features set into a determined expression. "Why are you telling me this?"

Tseng gaped slightly, not expecting that question – from the look on her face, he'd thought that she was about to yell at him for telling her a 'sob story' or something. Shaking himself mentally, Tseng cleared his throat. "We are supposed to get to know each other. If we are trying to determine whether we can deal with being a couple on a permanent basis, I thought that you should know my reasoning."

Her lips pressed together in a thin line.

Tseng could have sworn he could hear cogs turning.

A gentle breeze pushed against the silence, carrying cherry blossom petals and dandelion fluff through the warm air while the river before them gushed happily across rocks and mud.

Nothing shielded him from her calculating brown gaze.

After a solid ten minutes of silence and staring, Yuffie abruptly stuck her hand out, making Tseng jump out of his lulled state. He looked at the appendage in bemusement, wondering why he suddenly had it in his face. Raising an eyebrow, he lifted his gaze to meet his fiancé's once again.

She lifted her chin with a challenge. "Well?"

Tseng frowned, looking at her hand and back, vaguely noting that it was her left. "Well, what?"

Yuffie huffed and flipped her hair out of her eyes, shaking her hand a little to emphasise her frustration. "_Well_, if we're gonna get married, you'd better propose properly!"

..._what_? "You–" Tseng paused, vaguely wondering how long it would take him to stop being surprised by Yuffie's words and actions as he coughed. "You accept?"

Straight black brows drew together sternly. "Of course! Why else would I be asking you to propose, you old goat?"

He blinked. "Charming."

The young woman before him huffed yet again and pulled her hand back to plant it on her hip, tutting impatiently. "Look, I still think Shinra are shits for what they've done to us and the Planet – and I don't trust the President as far as I can throw him – but I can accept that not all of you are jerks. Look at Reno – he's not personally my cup of tea, but he loves Cloud and is trying to help him, so he can't be all bad." She rolled her eyes upwards. "My parents won't ever get off my case about this, so I might as well get it over with. As you said, it's better because we sort of know each other, plus it helps that we live near each other, so neither of us will have to change our lives massively in the way of moving house. My dad really wants peace now – his old age has killed the fight in him – so he'll be happy that this match will make it unlikely for Shinra to go against us again, seeing as you're the Director of the company. So, yeah..."

Yuffie snorted and thrust her hand out again, a determined look in her eyes. Tseng quickly shut his mouth, having dropped it open at her speech, and nodded, understanding her reasoning.

It was not love between them – it wasn't even like – but a mutual satisfaction of certain conditions. They may not make each other happy, but they probably wouldn't make each other miserable either.

Taking a deep breath, Tseng stood and took out a small box from his pocket. The box itself was simple – black velvet with gold hinges – but it opened to reveal a tastefully decorated heirloom of the Yomohiro family. The band of the ring was made of solid platinum, sparingly embedded with clear cut diamonds that were accented by the twining leaf and vine designs.

Yuffie's eyes widened with appreciation, absently thinking that this would have been quite a prize in her days of thievery. She licked her lips nervously, barring her mind against the voice that was screaming at her to run away. She had to do this either way right? _At least he isn't ugly_...

Taking the ring in hand, Tseng pocketed the box and pulled his shoulders back, assuming a formal pose. The ring hooked around the end of her second finger from the left. "Kisaragi Yuffie, I ask for your hand in marriage. Will you do me this honour?"

It felt like an ice cube slipped down into her stomach at the question.

"I accept."


	15. Chapter 15

**Quick update for once :D **

**I've recently replayed Dirge of Cerberus – I love that game :') I will be referring to characters from DoC, so if you don't know the story...google it?**

**This is one of my favourite chapters so far. I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

The Forgotten Capital had changed a lot in the last few years. Its eerie shell buildings were still standing, but were much more inviting while inhabited – they emitted a warm orange glow in the evenings instead of that cold silver light and the old heavy silence was replaced with the laughter of old friends reminiscing about times past. Aerith would of liked it, Yuffie thought – she never had liked lonely places and this, the place of her ancestors, had been the loneliest of them all.

The Wutaian girl had already visited Aerith's shrine in the bottom level of the largest shell house – the only one to remain uninhabited. Instead, the denizens of the newly named Ceteira decreed that the house and water surrounding it were sacred and it became their church. They even found a place inside the building to plant flowers.

It had taken a long time for Yuffie to accept Aerith's death – she had only been sixteen at the time and could only watch from the sidelines as her friend was impaled from above while no one did _anything_ to save her.

She'd blamed Cloud at first. _For __Gaia__'s sake, he had started attacking her_! Yuffie understood now that he couldn't help it and that Sephiroth was a sick fuck that had messed him up royally, but back then she needed someone to blame. Can't lay it on a dead man, after all.

She could remember looking up to Aerith. Being as calm and sophisticated as the older woman was all Yuffie had wanted back then – to mature and be just like her. That wasn't something she wanted recently. Now, she desperately wished to be forever young and free – to be single and not have to change her life so much. But she had grown up before she'd realised it. That was okay, she guessed – even Aerith had a complicated love life. _Not all of us can be mature in that respect_.

Taking in a deep breath and pulling herself out of deep thoughts, Yuffie lay her eyes on her companion – one of the people she had stopped her on her way back from Wutai to see. He looked the same as ever – it had only been a couple of months since she'd last seen him, after all – but he was relaxed in his seat, absently sipping his hot drink. He wore simple black trousers and a red button-down shirt, the blazer he had been wearing before hung on the back of his chair. He wasn't even wearing shoes – socked feet tapped lightly against the table leg.

Vincent hadn't worn his armour in a while.

"You should cut your hair, Vince. I've seen a picture with it short and it looked good on you."

The man scowled faintly. "How did you get a picture of me?"

Yuffie let out a hollow laugh. "I have Turk connections now, remember?"

There was a beat of silence before Vincent did a sarcastic rendition of: "...I'll think about it."

"Would it help if I said a _certain somebody_ agreed with me when I talked to him about it and said that you would look damn hot with shorter hair?"

Vincent's porcelain skin heated up – it was barely noticeable, but Yuffie knew him too well. "...I have no idea who you are talking about."

"Yeah right. The person that popped in your head as soon as I said it – the one who caused that beet-red blush you're sporting? That's who I'm talking about." The grin on her lips nearly split her face in two as she rumpled the ex-Turk's so perfectly groomed feathers.

Vincent glared daggers at her for several seconds, eventually getting Yuffie to huff and flap her hands around. "Whatever, Your Majesty, King of Denial. Any thoughts about the whole 'Yuffie-being-taken-off-the-market' situation?" Yuffie twirled her finger around a lock of hair. "I like the new edition by the way." She wriggled the fingers of her left hand at him, making him eye the ring on her finger briefly before looking down at his own, very human looking hands.

Vincent pursed his lips and stretched out his new fingers to test them. "It's still fairly new – Reeve calls it version 3.4." The man shrugged, silently thanking the engineer for working so hard to give him his sense of normality back. With Chaos and the rest of his demons pretty much dormant and his closure regarding the Hojo/Lucrecia situation in the past, he was feeling pretty good about himself lately. The only glaring ties he had to his nightmare of a past were his glowing red eyes and the golden claw hand. Reeve told him that there wasn't much to be done about the eyes, but the claw, he could work with.

Yuffie grinned at the mention of the engineer, but said nothing, knowing that Vincent wouldn't let her tease him about it twice without dolling out punishment. "I like this one – 3.3 had too many gadgets attached. Why on Gaia you would need a soup spoon to appear out of your wrist, I'll never know." She giggled a little and shrugged. "Wouldn't be Reeve's invention if it wasn't wacky, though. What does this one do?"

The man before her placed his hand, palm up, on the table and touched his thumb to his middle finger. With a little beep, thin glowing lines appeared on his palm with a red triangle in the centre and smaller white dots scattered across the whole plan of his hand – one of the white dots was directly in front of the red triangle while the rest moved around slowly.

Yuffie's jaw dropped. "Is...is that a map?"

Vincent nodded, touching his thumb to his little finger to make the tiny map disappear. "An interactive map, apparently, that lets me know where other life forms are."

Laughing a little in disbelief, Yuffie found herself impressed. "Well, that old geezer has finally made something useful. I think you should keep this one."

"Reeve has made a lot of useful things. He isn't old, either." He snapped his mouth shut at Yuffie's _knowing_ look.

"Compared to _you_, maybe."

Vincent almost found himself rolling his eyes. He decided he should steer that conversation back to where it had been before. "We were talking about your engagement?"

The Wutaian's features tensed slightly, but she nodded, forcing a little grin. "Yeah, I asked for your thoughts on it, ya flake."

Letting out a small sigh, Vincent decided not to point out that _she_ had changed the subject and put down his mug. "My thoughts are that you are an adult now and you can make your own decisions. If you said that you are going to do this, then you should do it."

Yuffie's back straightened as she slapped her hands to the table, scoffing indignantly. "Vincent! You're supposed to be my best friend!" She huffed and crossed her arms. "Can't you show at least a little friendly concern? '_Are you sure, Yuffie? Aren't you afraid that you're making a mistake?_'"

"Are you sure, Yuffie? Aren't you afraid that you're making a mistake?" Said Vincent dryly.

"_Vincent_!" Yuffie whined, pouting.

The ex-Turk raised his eyebrows. The girl was a brat, yes, but his best friend, nonetheless. Oddly. He didn't want to see her hurt. He knew that she had once entertained the thought of the two of them together, but that would never have worked. The way he had let her down was very blunt, to say the least, and he wasn't sure that she had entirely forgiven him. Tifa had called him not long after and lectured him for over an hour about being kinder to the people who cared about him and that he was too much like Cloud for his own good. _If anything, Cloud is like me – I'm thirty-six years older than him_, Vincent had thought petulantly. After that, Yuffie had come to him to discuss every man that took her fancy and what he thought of them. He had believed that it was a kind of revenge in response for his rejection, but it was entirely possible that she just felt close enough with him to seek his approval.

"Listen, Yuffie." Vincent looked directly at his friend, pinning her with a firm look. "I do not believe for a second that would do something that you didn't want to do. If you agreed to this, there must be a part of you that wants it to happen." Ignoring the girl's shocked look, he continued on. "Besides, I think a wedding would be welcomed by everyone. With everything that's happening with our friends and with everything that is going to happen in the next few months, a chance to celebrate would be welcome."

Shoulders slumping in defeat, Yuffie nodded. "Yeah, I guess...There must be a part of me that wants to have someone around the house – and that old goat isn't so bad, I guess." She nearly changed the subject then, but something nagged at her. "What do you mean 'everything that's going to happen'?" One look at Vincent's stony expression was all she needed. "Oh, no...Gods...More? Haven't we saved this damned planet enough times? Can't we catch a break?"

The man turned his face away, staring into the blazing fire behind the grate in his kitchen, agreeing with her silently. "No rest for the wicked, as Reeve would say."

Wide brown eyes didn't leave him. "Vince?" Her voice was small, fragile. "What's going to happen?"

He shook his head. "I am not sure what will happen, I can only guess." The map flashed on his palm once he activated it – the white dots indicated the living. In one of the round buildings – the one used as a medical research and treatment centre – two of the white dots, unmoving, flickered in and out of existence. "For you to understand, I need to show you something."

The walk to the medical centre was a short one, but filled with tension. Vincent had told her briefly what it was she would be looking at so that should could mentally prepare herself – who knew what she would have done if surprised. They descended the stairs in the middle of the building, absently greeting the doctor and nurse on duty, as well as the small child who was being seen to for a mild case of a stomach bug.

The bottom floor had been sectioned off to the townsfolk by a thick metal door that required a code to gain entry – which Vincent keyed in with ease. The whole place was sterile and white, purposely designed to avoid looking like anything Hojo or the Shinra scientists could have been associated with. The only items that looked anything like the old laboratory equipment were the containment tanks, but Yuffie supposed it would be difficult to make them any other way – though they were all horizontal to allow the patient to lie down rather than making them hover vertically in viscous liquid.

Two of the tanks were occupied.

The one directly in front of them held someone that Yuffie had expected to be there and intended to visit after her chat with Vincent – Shalua Rui. She looked as young as ever, caught in stasis while the world went on around her.

Shelke was sitting in a chair next to her sister's tank and looked up from her paperwork as Yuffie and Vincent walked in. She smiled a little, looking tired. She was looking more her age in recent years – even older, Yuffie would say. The girl looked haggard and stressed by both her work load and the exaggerated ageing process that she had undergone – another brilliant result of Reeve's research. Shelke had confided in him that she felt disconnected with the world by looking so much younger than she was, so he put it upon himself to manipulate her daily doses of Mako to include his own blend of Transform and Heal magic to help her age more rapidly until she reached her goal. He hoped that he could stop using the Transform magic after a time, allowing her to grow normally. Yuffie didn't really get it, but she had grown to like Shelke and wished her all the best.

The petite girl pressed her finger to her lips as they approached her, whispering, "Their brainwaves indicate that they are sleeping."

Vincent nodded and Yuffie shivered. She didn't know if she wanted to see who was in the second occupied tank – she kept her head turned determinedly away from it. Shelke continued to whisper to Vincent. "Shalua shows no more signs of regaining consciousness. I believe that the rapid eye movement we witnessed last week was merely a spasm of neurones in response to the manufactured neurotransmitters that we injected." She looked vaguely upset about that, but Yuffie still found it difficult to read the Tsviet's expressions. "However, Subject X appears to be responding well to our tests. Genetically, he is definitely who we believe him to be, but we cannot be certain whether or not his body is another clone. I cannot attempt to SND yet to see if his mind is the same because he is still too weak. It shouldn't be long before he awakens, though." Her eyes drifted towards the man she was talking about. "He should be fine physically, but we are going to keep him under observation. Just in case."

"Thank you, Shelke." Vincent turned to Yuffie, waiting for her to look at the second tank. "This is what could happen, Yuffie: this man could be driven mad by being dragged out of the lifestream while his mind still believes itself to be dead and we could be in the same situation as we were four years ago – fighting a man with a vendetta against the planet. We don't have a lot of things that we had back then so I doubt we would win that war. Cloud would either be driven to insanity by who this man appears to be or would just give up and die without a fight, and we would stand little chance if it turns out anything like last time."

Yuffie gulped – her stomach ached with dread. "Why do you sound so relaxed? This sounds fucking awful and you don't seem to have a care in the world."

She heard a sigh. "I don't believe that that is what will happen – it's a possibility, yes, but not one that I put much stock in."

A frown pulled at her lips. "Why?"

Gentle fingers grasped her chin, pulling her to face the second tank. She screwed up her eyes, not wishing to see, but eventually allowed Vincent to coax her into looking. The sight made her gasp loudly, gripping a fistful of Vincent's shirt.

Her lips worked numbly, trying to form words. She...she hadn't been expecting...

Not _him_.

Shelke's soft voice drifted through the space. "He had no patterns in his brainwaves to indicate any more aggression or violence than the average male." She paused, looking at the man's face forlornly. "He looks so kind."

"He was." Yuffie stumbled across her whispered words, blinking back tears at the face that she hadn't seen in nearly ten years. In truth, she had only met him a handful of times, but he had entertained her childish games, helped her, and been so...so...

Vincent nodded, observing his friend's reaction. "The other possible outcome is that this is a miracle. That, finally, someone who has cheated death isn't out to destroy us all. The planet has decided to reward us for all we have done by giving back someone who returned to her too soon."

Tears spilled down Yuffie's face as she nodded slowly, wanting desperately to agree. Her heart ached at the thought of this being anything other than what Vincent believed it to be. She could hardly breathe.

She approached the tank, placing her palm to the glass. His face was pale, angular and handsome. Like it was back then. He looked barely older than his eighteen year old self, but that was to be expected from a SOLDIER of his calibre. White scars marred his skin – gashes and scratches everywhere. Bullet marks across his chest and stomach.

One round, glaring mark on his forehead.

Yuffie choked.

"...Zack."


	16. Chapter 16

**I really aimed to get this chapter out quick but the academic year is racing towards a close and work has piled up :'( Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

**WARNING! Explicit content!**

_**Chapter Sixteen**_

Cloud hadn't called Zack's phone in a long time.

_Hey, it's Zack! I'm busy right now, but I'll get back to you. If you're hot I'll get back quicker...__haha! __Leave a message!_

The message always made him smile. It was like having him right there again, alive and excitable and just _Zack_. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't do things like this to punish himself – he actually only called the long-ago memorised number when the guilt over his death dwindled to a more tolerable level; when he didn't feel like he was drowning in self doubt. In these periods of clarity and peace, he liked to be taken back to times when he was truly happy.

He didn't call Aerith very often. She may have loved him, and he may have loved her, but he could never work out whether that love was organic or if they were just reliving the dregs of feeling from a dead man. But Zack...Zack he called every time. Just to hear that light tone and bubbly personality. The message had been recorded nearly five years before the last time Cloud had seen him alive, but that was the Zack that he remembered. He didn't like to think that the labs had changed him.

Calling him that day had soothed him, but it had made him feel guilty too. Not in the way he was used to, though. When that friendly voice drifted down the line, Cloud's heart pounded, as usual. His stomach fluttered and his palms grew sweaty – he felt like he did back then, just as strongly as ever. And it felt like cheating. Like he had feelings for two men at once. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't help thinking it – because Reno made him experience the same things.

He had always been afraid of replacing Zack, but maybe it didn't have to be that way...

He didn't always have to see the darker side of things.

As sceptical as he had been about taking pills to lift his low moods, Cloud was forced to admit that he felt better than he had in a while. He was finally thinking about things rationally. He didn't even feel much like a burden on his family and friends. He had actually woken up this morning with the motivation to do something proactive in order to combat his uneasiness about being out of control of his life and had asked Tifa if he could help in the bar for the day after he called Zack. He couldn't do much, he admitted, but he could wash and dry the dishes. It would take longer than if Tifa or Rinoa did them, but it eased the pressure of the shift by giving them one less task to do.

Before the shift started, he ate breakfast with Denzel, talking with him about school, his hockey team, the girl he liked and a hundred other things the boy had bottled up over the last two months. It was nice – Denzel had perked up immensely and spoke with wild animation, thrilled to have his father figure's undivided attention for once. It worried Cloud a little when his adopted son mentioned a teacher at school that was giving him a hard time, but Denzel didn't seem too troubled by it so he let it slide.

Cloud stood at the sink scrubbing plates and cooking utensils with a small smile – it wasn't so bad. He liked having something productive to do and it was nice to listen to the radio whilst getting on with his task. The job was refreshing after two months of nothing – it made him want to start exercising again to regain the muscle mass he had lost. Hell, he even wanted to learn Braille and how to use that Talking Computer Terminal that Tifa downloaded onto her laptop so that he could get some boring office job and earn money again.

He began to think that his condition wasn't a death sentence. It was possible to go on like this.

He wasn't aware of the look Tifa was giving him.

Or the text she had just received from Yuffie.

_**xXx**_

Life at Shinra Corp. had grown tense – at least, that's what it felt like for Cissnei. The morning after her...encounter with Rufus, he had been quick to brush her off, telling her that they needed to get to work – apparently he had received a phone call that informed him that some things where happening in the City of the Ancients, Ceteira that required Shinra's full attention. She accepted that at first.

Everyone who was anyone in the company was running around like they had Bahamut on their heels because of the sheer volume of work that they suddenly had. Reno was practically pulling his hair out with stress as he tried to balance his own work with Tseng's while also trying to visit his little boyfriend in Edge and check in on Rufus, who had now returned to work. He seemed happier when he realised that the boss had stopped drinking so much – Cissnei found it difficult to keep the smug expression off of her face when he mentioned it to her, knowing that it was _her_ influence that made Rufus pull out of his slump – but didn't indicate that he knew why he had been drinking in the first place.

_Fucking __flake_, Cissnei had narrowed her eyes as she took a drag on her cigarette and listened to Reno prattle on about this and that. There was a part of her that felt bad for thinking this way about her own friend, but the other parts – the ones that were dying to shove her conquest in his face – just didn't care.

No one seemed to know exactly what it was that was happening in the north, only that it was big. The sheer amount of money that had been wired to the WRO for 'medical and investigative research' was a testament to the significance of what was going on, but not one of the Turks had been told the details, which was odd. They were usually the first to know.

In her bubble of smugness, Cissnei had sauntered up to the top floor, ready to ask the president what was going on – and maybe even get a little mid-morning _attention_ from him – only to be dismissed in a brisk tone. _That information is classified – I will give your department leader the appropriate information when the time comes. Please shut the door on your way out._

Although she felt stung, Cissnei rationalised that he must have a lot on his plate and, really, he was right not to tell her about such things because she didn't have the clearance to be in the know until it went through Reno and Tseng – she had been foolish to think otherwise. No matter.

But...he dismissed her again when she brought him lunch. She had been bringing him food since that night she found him drunk in his office bedroom – it was now routine – so she had definitely not been expecting him to be putting on his jacket and chatting with Reno and Rude when she arrived.

Reno looked up when the door opened, seemingly puzzled at her arrival. He laughed good naturedly. "Forget how to knock, Ciss?" He looked even more confused at her scowl. "Uh...We were just going out to lunch if you wanted to come? That new place opened a few minutes from here – you know, Jemnezmy."

Before she could reply, the president's smooth voice cut in. "She can't today – I've assigned her on a mission to Kalm that leaves within the hour."

"I am?" Cissnei looked down at the tray of food in her hands – it was quite clear that she hadn't been aware of the mission.

Rufus cocked his head slightly, not even looking at her. "You are – the orders were delivered to your inbox this morning."

"Oh..."

Rude cleared his throat and opened the door. "Next time then. Good luck on your mission, Cissnei."

"Thanks..." She watched the three men leave the office, not missing the fact that Rufus didn't look at her once. If that wasn't a brush off, she didn't know what was.

Her inbox had been empty all morning.

_**xXx**_

Reno felt more relaxed than he had in ages. It had been a long week without Tseng, but the Director was now back from Wutai and would be in charge again in the morning. The man had seemed awfully subdued on the phone, like he had something on his mind – that could have just been fatigue, though. Tseng was another person in Reno's life that he knew nothing about, despite being colleagues for years.

Sighing, Reno leaned back against the headboard of Cloud's bed, running his fingers through the blond hair of his boyfriend, who was resting his head in his lap. He seemed very relaxed too – it had been a good day for Cloud. Well...it hadn't been a bad day, at least. He seemed calmer since he started taking his meds – though Reno had a hunch that it was mostly a placebo affect for now. He had read on the bottle that there shouldn't be any improvement in Cloud's mood for two to four weeks and he had only started taking them yesterday. Well, Reno wasn't going to be the one to tell him – what he doesn't know and all that.

Being in charge wasn't something Reno enjoyed – he didn't like the responsibility of being relied upon to make important decisions. Mistakes and accidents happened, Reno knew, but he was more accustomed to causing them rather than cleaning up the mess left behind or even making plans to prevent them from happening in the first place. However, Reno had gleaned some respect for both Rufus and Tseng for dealing with his shit for so long without blowing a fuse. Heck, he had nearly throttled Elena when she wandered into his office this morning and sheepishly told him that she had veered _slightly_ from protocol on her last mission and the bad guys ended up bloody smears on the Costan landscape as opposed to valuable Shinra prisoners, as instructed. Man, that had taken him _all__ day_ to sort out.

Reno had tried several times to call Rufus over the week, even texting him '_friend-mode?_' beforehand – he never answered. He'd even attempted to invade the fortress-like office at the top of the new Shinra building but Cissnei had intercepted him – appearing strangely furious – and stiffly told him that the President didn't want any visitors. "_Especially not you."_

What the hell had _he_ done? Rufus had been acting weirdly since...well since Reno met him, actually – he was an odd guy – but he had gotten worse since the whole Cloud-being-blind situation occurred. Maybe he thought something was going to happen and was just burying his head in the sand? It was as good an explanation as any, especially with the suspiciously massive influx of work the company had received recently. It was also possible that he was still feeling guilty about everything. But why didn't he want to see anyone? _Especially not me_...

None of it made sense. He was just glad that he was acting more like himself again. The call from him today inviting him to lunch had been welcome to say the least, after so long of radio silence. It had been nice – up until he had to go back to dealing with Elena's mess, that is.

"Something wrong, Reno?" Cloud's voice was muted, like he was unwilling to disturb the calm silence between them. He kept his eyes shut and his cheek pressed against his boyfriend's thigh, one arm slung over Reno's knees. "You seem...thoughtful."

The redhead looked down, tracing the man's handsome profile with his eyes. He smiled genuinely and revelled in one of the few drama-free moments of his and Cloud's relationship. "Nah, I'm fine. Just had a hard day at the office, yo." He smiled as Cloud hummed happily at the feeling of Reno's fingers gliding through his hair. "Man, am I glad Tseng is back from Wutai. Never thought I'd see the day that I'd miss his sorry ass."

Cloud let out a small chuckle, poking at soft flesh through a hole he'd found in Reno's seldom-worn jeans. "He went to Wutai?" Reno grunted affirmatively. "Huh. Maybe there's some Wutaian holiday going on that we've forgotten about? Yuffie went there too. She'll be back soon, though – after visiting with Reeve, Vincent and Shelke."

"Ah." To be perfectly honest, Reno was only half listening. He was more interested in the patch of stomach that had just become available for his viewing pleasure after Cloud had shifted into a more comfortable position. "Yeah, maybe."

Nearly ten minutes had passed before either of them spoke again.

"Reno?"

"Hmm?"

"You know I told you about that hypnosis thing that Dr. Howell wants me to try?" Cloud's voice was soft, shy, yet Reno had learned that Cloud wouldn't ever bring up his therapy unless he put a lot of importance in what he wanted to say. The redhead shook himself out of his sleepy state to listen closely.

"Yeah?"

The skin above the blond's top lip bubbled out and moved as Cloud swiped his tongue over his teeth nervously. "I – uh..." He wrinkled his nose and turned his face into his boyfriend's thigh. "Can you come with me?"

Reno's chest throbbed affectionately at the muffled question. He leaned over to remove Cloud's arms from around his legs before sliding down the bed, ending up next to the blond. Cloud immediately wrapped his arms around Reno's waist and touched their foreheads together. _Someone's feeling cuddly today_. To be honest, Cloud was a lot more open with the touchy-feely side of their relationship than Reno had expected, but this was definitely Cloud in a fluffy mood. "'Course I can, Blondie." The Turk brushed his thumb across his boyfriend's cheekbone. "I'll be there."

The blush that spread across his face was freaking adorable. _Can I tell him? Nah, it's too soon._

It was a huge deal that Cloud wanted him there while he revisited such emotional moments in his life and Reno recognised that. He was grateful that they'd come such a long way, but Cloud wasn't ready to hear Reno's feelings – the last person who had said those words to him had died, so the redhead had to be careful how he approached the subject. Baby steps.

Cloud took in a slow, deep breath and tightened his grip on Reno's waist, trailing his nails along the small of his back underneath his shirt. The Turk wriggled his butt in response to the tiny zips of pleasure that ran down his spine as a result and was a little glad that Cloud couldn't see the tips of his ears turn pink. "Thanks, Red."

Thanks? Reno should be the one thanking Cloud for letting him in, but he was never one to bite the hand that fed him. If the blond was feeling generous, he would take it gladly.

...he was a bit of a needy bitch really...huh.

Once again, Reno found himself pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind as the fingernails turned to flat palms gliding up and down his back and sides. He wriggled his ass again, making them both grin. "Yo, stop it...you're making me all horny."

Cloud snorted a little, glad to be off the subject of his therapy so quickly. "Doesn't take much, does it?" Reno ignored that – he couldn't help it if being with Cloud made him feel sixteen again. Really, it was the blond's fault for touching him so tenderly – if the man stopped turning him into goo by exploring him through touch, Reno wouldn't be forced to feel like a blushing virgin every time they had an intimate moment. "'Sides, what if I don't mind?" While his eyes remained glazed and unfocused, his grin gained an impish quality.

Reno almost swallowed his own tongue. _Cloud_ – being suggestive? He _must_ be in a good mood. Well, he couldn't waste such a good opportunity, right?

Lips pressed against the redhead's, a trace of tongue joined them as the migrated up towards his ear. "Hmm, someone's in a good mood."

The lips quirked up in a self-assured smirk. "Someone's talking too much."

Before he could respond, Reno found that his mouth was entirely too full of Cloud's tongue, making him moan with approval and grasp great handfuls of hair and creamy skin. The kiss remained slow, with passionate nips and sucks as hands roamed each other's bodies and clothes were gradually, yet absent mindedly discarded.

The heated slide of those hands on his skin made Reno humm in pleasure and boldly roll on top of his lover, throwing one leg over Cloud's to straddle him. There was a moment's pause as their last encounter flashed through both of their minds – would Cloud be okay with the lack of control in this position?

After a few seconds of hesitance, Cloud abruptly and aggressively grabbed the back of Reno's neck and his hips, simultaneously pulling his head down for a scalding hot kiss and grinding hard against the body above him, setting an entirely new pace to their actions. Reno was perfectly okay with this compromise as they began to rut against each other wildly, panting and groaning their pleasure into each other's mouths.

Somehow, in the blur that had been their undressing, Reno had ended up with only a half-unbuttoned shirt and nothing else, while Cloud was naked but for boxers that were pushed down to his knees. The Turk took advantage of this fact as soon as Cloud had pulled his head back by his hair enough to restrict his breathing in order to graze his throat with his teeth.

Gasping at both the pleasure and the lack of air, Reno dug his nails deep into the flesh of the blond's shoulders and dragged them downwards, leaving angry red tracks to the man's nipples – here he pinched, pulled and scratched, harder than he probably would have in his right mind.

But Cloud _loved_ it.

Almost the instant the stinging sensation had started at his chest, Cloud threw his head back to the pillow and thrusted his hips up with enough power to lift the both of them off the bed. The loud cry of pleasure from Reno in response was one of the best things he had ever heard, but Cloud was almost too busy basking in the awe of his new discovery to fully appreciate it.

He liked the pain.

Maybe not a complete agony kind of pain, but something was there.

Bringing both of his hands down to grip Reno's waist, Cloud powered through the embarrassment of asking for it again – it felt too _good_ not to. "D-do...do it again." His voice, usually so smooth, was rough and trembling.

Reno gazed down at his boyfriend, sweating profusely at the heat but rocking his hips constantly to maintain the delicious feeling that came with it. Cloud wanted him to hurt him? His pupils, while unseeing, had dilated with pure arousal and his cock was bucking hard against his own. Moaning at the sexy image that the blond made, flushed and horny beneath him, Reno dug his nails in harder, tearing down the porcelain stomach, almost breaking the skin.

Blue eyes rolled into the back of their owner's skull as his back arched and cock shuddered and twitched violently a few more times before spurting over his stomach. The sight and feel of it all proved too much for Reno's stamina and, with a loud cry, he followed his lover into bliss.

The two men lay side by side on the narrow bed, panting, for what seemed like eternity before a hoarse laugh broke the after sex calm.

Cloud frowned, albeit half-heartedly – even _he_ was unable to have much negative emotion after an amazing orgasm like that – and asked what was wrong. "Nothing, nothing. It's just...I just love it that you can be all shy and cuddly one minute and the next you are, you know...that! Fuck, that was fantastic."

Cloud shrugged, a faint pink tinge highlighting his cheekbones."It's a talent, I guess."

"Heh, yeah." Reno turned his head to the side, admiring the colour of his boyfriend's blush.

Cloud sighed contentedly and reached out to touch the redhead's arm, patting it affectionately. "What's the time?" He felt kind of sleepy...

A light laugh caressed his ears and he began to drift off. "Late enough, I guess. Night, Blondie."

"...night...Reno."

_**xXx**_

Reno had woken up at four twenty-five am for some reason and, for the life of him, could not get back to sleep. He rationalised that he may have heard Tifa get up for a glass of water or something and tried to get comfortable again, with no such luck.

Counting chocobos had not worked, nor had counting backwards from a thousand, so he took to staring at Cloud's face and admiring his sheer attractiveness – something he rarely allowed himself to do when Cloud was awake. He often felt guilty that Cloud couldn't see him back, so it wasn't fair to him if he did it. But sometimes it was nice just to look at Cloud. He was too beautiful not to. That didn't make him a bad boyfriend, right?

He couldn't believe it earlier, when Cloud asked him to hurt him while they were being intimate. It wasn't as if it was extreme sadomasochism or anything, but the blond had really liked it. He may or may not have checked the marks for bleeding while the man was sleeping, but that was neither here nor there – they seemed to have nearly healed already, thanks to the Mako in Cloud's system. Truth be told, Reno had liked doing it, which was odd. He had never felt the desire to have sex with _that_ particular brand of spice before.

Oh, the possibilities...

_Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz._

The fuck was that? Reno frowned and sat up, gazing around to try to locate the source of the buzzing. After a minute, it stopped, but started back up again soon after. It seemed to be coming from the direction he had thrown his jeans...

Oh! His _phone_. He forgot that he was still on call until the morning. Whoops.

He carefully extracted himself from the warm body that had wrapped itself around him in the night and went over to grab his phone, pulling on some boxers and stepping out into the hallway before answering it.

"Reno of the Turks."

"Reno, where have you been?" said the cool voice of none other than Rufus Shinra. "I've been trying to call you for hours."

"I was asleep, yo. Didn't hear the phone. What's up?"

"You're on call. That's not an excuse, Reno." A weary sigh drifted through the line, chasing after the weak willed chastisement. "Never mind. I have word from Ceteira. It's...it's a unique one."

Instantly, Reno was on alert. "Unique, how?"

"A few months ago, a body was found in the Northern Cave Crater; one that looked suspiciously like someone from SOLDIER past."

Reno's heart nearly stopped. "No..." The light snoring in the room behind him continued, as did all of the usual nightly sounds, but Reno had an ominous feeling that his whole world was about to come crashing down. "Not again..."

"No! No, Reno – not him. I swear it." Rufus sounded disturbed by the very notion, but his voice remained tight.

"Then, what...?"

"Well, after some tests, we can no longer deny the fact of the matter. There were no indications of cloning or anything of the like – the body we found is now showing signs of life and, after an initial SND by the Tsviet Shelke, we have reason to believe that he is the real deal, so to speak."

"Rufus, what are you saying? Who _is_ it?"

A long pause followed Reno's questions – so long, in fact, that Reno had to check that Rufus was still on the line. But the response, when it came, was not one that he knew how to deal with.

"Zack Fair. Zack Fair has come back to life."

**The calm before the storm.**

**I've never written a lemon in quite that way before and I actually really like the way it turned out. Hope you enjoyed!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I don't even know what I've been doing the last couple of months O.O Whoops.**

**For a chapter I thought I'd get out in a week, this was bloody hard to write...sigh. I'm feeling a bit self-conscious about this story at the minute so bear with me...**

**My new goal is to get my chapters at least 6000 words so that it's a bit more satisfying when you _finally_ get an update :') Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

_**Chapter Seventeen**_

The first thing that occurred to him when he awoke was how bright it was – all stark white lights in his eyes and around his body. It reflected on the surface around him, making it seem like he was floating through limbo – abyss – with naught but the sheer _nothingness_ to occupy his mind.

The next thing he became aware of was that he lay in a tiny glass tube, wired up by every available piece of skin, it seemed, to ports in the sides of the tube – but that didn't bother him. In fact, he would stay in this tube as long as feasibly possible – because he was safe here. It was small and simple and he could understand it. He was sure there was an outside world – _how_ he knew was a mystery to him – but here, in his little sanctuary, he knew what was going on.

He spent endless minutes or hours or days just basking in the tranquillity of his new home – he wasn't quite sure what he had been doing before this, but it couldn't have been anything better than this. He'd remember it if it was.

Noises drifted through the peace. Noises that indicated that his home was about to be invaded by _others_ – and that thought scared him. _Others_ were never good – they broke things and made everything bad. Why couldn't he just stay in his tube and be happy?

Now, what was it about _others_...? What had the _others_ done...?

His blood began to burn with remembered pain that he associated with _others_. It felt alien, wrong – another presence within his mind, whispering words of destruction. But it wasn't clear. Every time he got close to a lucid memory his fingers fumbled on its slippery edges and it would scuttle back into the dark recesses of _nothing_.

...when had the nothingness become dark? What happened to its comfort? It began to feel ominous, like sordid secrets were being hidden behind the sweet lie of _nothing_.

With regret, he began to let the real thoughts break through the nothingness and wondered...

What was going on?

Where was he?

_Who_ was he?

Who...who...who...

Did it matter? Why did he have to be a _who_? Couldn't he just be mere _nothingness_ and drift on peacefully? If it was a lie, that was okay – as long as it stayed a lie. Truth was often so much worse.

But then...

...a word...no...a _name_ drifted through his mind...

...Cloud...

Cloud?

Cloud.

Someone important.

No. Someone _vital_. Someone he couldn't breathe without – his tie to the world that grounded him and stopped him from merely floating away into _real_ nothingness.

Who was Cloud? That seemed far more important than who he, himself, was. It would make more of an impact.

Cloud...was...an army grunt?

Maybe. Something rang a bell...

But what did it mean?

Before he could lose himself further in speculation, the sounds of others grew too loud to ignore and he opened his eyes. Faces had appeared above him. After a moment's study, he concluded that these others weren't the _others_ that he associated with the burning and foreign presence and cruel words.

The faces looked wary – shocked, possibly – but they didn't appear volatile. The female one looked both young and old, but intelligent; she seemed to be studying him clinically, as if by instinct. The male was definitely older – he had dark, neatly groomed facial hair, wrinkles and a gentle twinkle in his eye that suggested kindness. He didn't appear any less intelligent than the female; his studying was just less cold and detached.

They began to converse with each other, words just muffled enough by the glass between him and them that he couldn't quite focus on them. The male moved towards a panel to the side of his tube, much to the apparent distress of the female. Her words got a bit louder, allowing him to hear a few properly.

"Stop! He...dangerous...SND..."

The male ignored her, it seemed, because she became more agitated and tried to intervene with his task. The male stopped briefly and took her hands, speaking softly. Her shoulders slumped and she ceased her meddling.

Soon after, his little sanctuary began to whir and hiss and he became aware of a strange suctioning sensation along his back and legs. The faces disappeared and the top of the glass started to descend on him in one great white mass. It was too quick a process for him to begin to panic – the glass top touched his face and carried on. There was no pain or squashing feeling and his face felt strangely wet – he opened his eyes, not having realised he'd shut them, and found himself looking at the top of his glass tube in its normal place and the faces above him, clearer than before. The continued lowering of what he'd previously thought was glass made him rethink his environment. Apparently he had been laying in some kind of clear liquid which was currently being drained.

He blinked a few times in quick succession to clear his eyes as the lights dimmed and the glass split open, letting in bitterly cold air. He was swiftly covered with a soft blanket, which stopped his shivering, and was helped into a sitting position. He felt a bit like a small child sitting there, his toes barely brushing the floor as the two people disconnected him from the ports of the tube. The man stood before him, a smile on his face as he showed his palms and slowly reached up to remove a contraption from his nose – he pulled at it and twin tubes emerged from his nostrils. He grimaced at the sickly feeling, but it didn't hurt as such. His first breath without the tubing made his lungs ache, but he enjoyed the sudden control, not having been aware that he'd lacked it in the first place.

He pulled the blanket around himself firmly when they had finished and observed them quietly, as they were doing to him – his hair dripped onto his shoulders, but that was a minor issue. He didn't know what they wanted. Quite sure they weren't his Cloud, he didn't know what to do.

Something in the back of his mind encouraged him to leap in the air and run – to escape – but the urge was abated when he studied the man again. It was possible that knew him in the life that included Cloud. All he had to go on were his instincts, so he had to trust them. He didn't get a familiar feeling from the girl – he would have to be cautious around her.

Ironically, she was the first to speak. "Are you a clone?" When he didn't respond, she tried again. "Do you have knowledge of who you are?"

He merely looked at her blankly, refusing to answer her questions. She looked uncertain for a moment, before clearing her throat. "We wish to do some tests to uncover some of your memories and see if we can find out who you are. Do you consent?"

He narrowed his eyes as the urge to flee reared its head violently. _Tests_. That word flashed danger across his mind. His inner thoughts must have been apparent because the girl's eyes widened and she quickly looked over her shoulder.

"He's fine."

A new voice. Following her gaze, he soon found the source. Another man reclined against a wall by a door – an exit that he took note of in case a hasty exit was necessary. The new one appeared relaxed, but his eyes were trained on himself, not looking away for a second. This one didn't strike him as familiar either, but he seemed to be more a protector than an observer. He wouldn't partake in _tests_.

It struck him then that he was the one seen as a threat. The new man was here to protect _them_. The urge to escape increased.

"Shelke, your unique approach does not seem to be helping." He turned back to the familiar one, feeling slightly calmer. The girl was Shelke. Kind eyes landed on him, crinkled around the corners with a smile. "My name is Reeve Tuesti – I'm the director of the World Regenesis Organisation, otherwise known as the WRO. You are currently at our base in Ceteira – in your time it would have been called the City of the Ancients."

_That_ struck a chord. His brow furrowed in thought, keeping his eyes on the man, Reeve Tuesti. Something flashed in his mind's eye – too quickly for him to grab onto. Like Cloud, this memory felt important. He just couldn't get to it. In the darkness all he could see were two sets eyes – vibrant and full of life. Either set was enough to set his heart racing and dry out his mouth – both sets were blue, but so very different from each other. He couldn't decide which he liked more.

He opened his mouth, trying to remember how to speak. "Ancients?" Because that was the word his mind had latched onto. It sounded like he needed to clear his throat badly, but his question wasn't so garbled that Reeve Tuesti couldn't understand it.

Reeve Tuesti's eyes lit up in an emotion that he could only identify as a mixture between relief, excitement and slight trepidation. Shelke bit her lip and noted something down in a notebook. The man in the background didn't move. "Yes, City of the Ancients. This used to be the home of a race of people called the Ancients – well, Cetra would be the correct term. You actually know all of this – it should come back to you in time." Reeve Tuesti clapped his hands together and regarded him. "We have a lot to discuss, but I'm sure you'd prefer to be clothed and dry. A lab is hardly the sort of place for dignified conversation."

The word lab rattled around his brain like a virus, but he tried his best to ignore it – strangely, he trusted Reeve and shied away from any indication that he was against him.

He pulled the blanket tighter around himself – more for warmth than to cover up. He wasn't concerned about being naked in front of people, but Reeve seemed to think clothes were warranted before they spoke further.

A chair was wheeled to him by the mystery man but he refused help into it from anyone but Reeve. Red eyes didn't leave him the entire time, even at he murmured something to Reeve, who chuckled and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "You worry too much, Vincent."

His limbs felt heavy, numb, and they were slow to respond to his commands, sluggishly dragging his body into the chair with the stabilising aid of Reeve. It took a while but he managed to get seated. They seemed to have gotten the message that he only trusted one of them, so Reeve pushed the chair while the other two lead the way, letting him keep an eye on them.

They entered a small side room with a couple of sofas and a coffee table inside. A simple t-shirt and joggers were produced, as well as a towel, and Reeve assisted him into them after he dried himself.

He now sat on one sofa on his own, facing the three people opposite while they chatted and questioned him. It only took a couple times of him staring blankly at Shelke and Vincent when they spoke to him and him answering Reeve readily before the other two stopped trying and just observed him and Reeve interacting.

"You have been out of this world a long time, so you might find yourself struggling to cope if you just went out there and tried to fend for yourself. I hope you will stay with us so that we can help you."

He frowned and considered this – he had wanted to escape but, in truth, he had no idea where to go. Sure, he could just rely on his instincts and follow his feet, but there was no way of knowing how that would pan out, especially since he had apparently been out of it for a while – there was every chance that his instincts were no longer applicable in this new world. He nodded slowly in agreement, seeming to please the man before him.

Reeve seemed to be a leader of sorts here, judging by the way he held himself and how the other two seemed to obey his silent orders. If Shelke and Vincent were under his employ then he would have to assume that Reeve trusted them. He tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Something started to bother him, though. He had names for Reeve, Shelke and Vincent – they were all identifiable – but not one for himself. He began to feel like being a _who_ was important. He looked up at Reeve, testing his sticky vocal chords before he tried to speak more than one or two words.

"Reeve?" The man stopped mid-sentence, having been chatting lightly, dropping words here and there to see if any memories were stirred. Nothing else had reared up so far. He hummed, indicating that he was listening. "Who am I?"

Reeve's eyes closed halfway in sympathy – it seemed that he had been expecting this question and dreading it. "Who do you think you are?"

He sucked on his bottom lip in thought but couldn't think of anything solid. He shrugged vaguely, disregarding the slowly spreading feeling of pins and needles in his arms.

Reeve sighed. "Well, you were in the military, so it's possible that another approach may work. Excuse me." The man's voice grew stern and loud as he barked, "Name and regimen?"

His eyes widened in shock at the abrupt change in the man's demeanour. But...Something in his mind clicked – a standardised introduction of himself that had been drilled into his brain after years and years of repetition. It was as easy as breathing.

"Cloud Strife, private of the rifle corps."

_**xXx**_

No one had told him.

Zack had been discovered at the Northern Cave nearly six months ago and they had all been informed two months after that and, still, no one had told Cloud.

There was no proof that it really was him, but surely he deserved to know? Tifa knew she was right but couldn't bring herself to be the one to tell him. In a way, she felt responsible, having gone to Aerith to ask Gaia for help – for that was what she believed this to be. A miracle. A gift from Gaia to help Cloud.

But...what if this made him worse? What if he became convinced that they were tricking him? What if it drove him into madness?

Like Sephiroth.

There were too many factors that could go wrong when things were finally getting better.

Reno and Cloud's relationship was going well, now seven months old, and they were happy together. It was clear that there were a few walls between them still, but that was a prerequisite of being involved with Cloud. There was not a single person alive on the Planet that he fully opened up to. Well, maybe there was one person now. And that was the problem.

That was the reason that Reno hadn't told him – while he trusted that Cloud was committed to their relationship and cared for him, he wasn't convinced that Zack returning wouldn't affect their relationship. It hadn't ever been explicitly said, yet Reno had an inkling that Cloud and Zack had been involved at some point before the SOLDIER had died. It just made sense with how close the two had been, bearing in mind that Cloud was both gay and gorgeous and Zack was definitely bi, if Reno remembered that drunken night with him correctly. It was simple deduction.

Tifa and Reno had discussed it at length, having grown quite close in recent months. They saw each other so often when he visited Cloud or she visited Rude that it was inevitable for them to become more than grudging acquaintances.

She agreed that it was likely that Cloud and Zack had been a thing despite the fact that the SOLDIER had been with Aerith at the time. After all, it wouldn't be unlike Zack to cheat in a relationship – the night he and Reno slept together being just the tip of the iceberg; there was Cissnei too, Reno knew for sure.

What would this all mean for Cloud and Reno's relationship? Neither of them could guess, so they kept Zack's return quiet, asking their friends and colleagues to keep quiet as well under the pretence that they wanted to be one hundred percent sure before saying anything to him.

He was going to be so pissed.

Worse, he was going to be so hurt.

Neither consequence convinced either of them to tell him yet.

They justified themselves in the way that the knowledge would interfere further than just his and Reno's relationship – it might ruin his flourishing fatherly streak with Denzel, his new job in the weapons shop around the corner, his positive attitude toward his therapy. He had already met with the hypnosis expert and had booked his first session – apparently it took several months to prepare for. He was even diligently doing the mental exercises the expert had instructed him to do every night.

They almost convinced themselves that they were doing the right thing, too.

"He should be back soon. Derran said he'd bring him back at five." Tifa assured as she glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall.

Reno shrugged, having arrived only a few minutes earlier. He accepted a cup of coffee off of Tifa and settled at the table to wait. "He a good kid, that Derran." The weapon shop owner's son came by every morning that Cloud had work and walked with him back to the shop. He was pretty no nonsense, refusing to treat Cloud any differently because of his condition, and didn't fanboy over being close to the saviour of the world. Tifa nodded in agreement, nursing her own drink.

"He's been great, actually. He usually gets here early and helps me and Rinoa with the deliveries."

"Heh, should I tell Rude that he's got competition?"

Snorting in amusement, Tifa smirked. "Oh yeah, I'm so into sixteen year old kids."

"You never know." Reno stuck his tongue out mockingly. He quickly changed the subject before things were thrown at him. "Yo, when's your date tonight?"

"Half six. I'll have to start getting ready as soon as Cloud's back."

"Bit early for a date." Lifting an eyebrow, Reno silently prompted her for more details.

"Rude didn't tell you?" Reno rolled his eyes. Obviously – he wouldn't have asked otherwise. "We're going into Junon to watch a show in that new theatre they've built."

Reno hummed and was grudgingly impressed. "Nice." He sipped his coffee and narrowed his eyes in thought. "You know...in seven months, I haven't taken Cloud on a single date."

Tifa scoffed. "Well, aren't you a shitty boyfriend." She said lightly, meaning it as a joke. "It's not like you've ever been in the 'dating' stage. You guys kind of just happened. Besides, circumstances are kind of hard. Why don't you take him out tonight?"

Reno shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. I'll have to ask him."

As if on cue, the bar door opened and two sets of footsteps could be heard in the hall before the door shut again.

"We're back, Miss Lockhart!"

Tifa sighed – how many damn times had she told Derran not to call her that?! It made her feel old. She grumbled at Reno when he started laughing at her expression and called out to them. "In the kitchen."

Derran entered first, not waiting for Cloud as he made his own way up the stairs.

"Want anything to drink?" Tifa asked, pushing back her urge to go and help Cloud. It was doing him good to get around the house on his own but the motherly worry was still there.

The boy shook his head. "No, thanks. Ma's got dinner on the table, so I've gotta rush back." He looked over his shoulder as Cloud finally entered the room, holding his white cane before him to feel around for obstacles. "I'm goin' now, Cloud, before Ma bites my head off for anythin' else. See you on Monday, yeah?"

Cloud smiled slightly as he sat at the table, hanging his cane by the wrist string on the back of his chair. "Yeah, thanks."

Derran waved goodbye and let himself out, familiar enough with the household to feel comfortable doing so. Reno grinned, reaching across the short gap between their chairs to take Cloud's hand. "Good day at work?"

The blond nodded, hearing Tifa go about making him a drink. "I got a lot done and finished early. I even had a bit of time to help Derran clean up the new stock. His mother is in a bad mood so he's been at the shop all day."

Tifa nearly dropped the cup she was holding. She quickly righted herself, barely avoiding burning her fingers, and set the cup down in front of him. "You cleaned up deadly, sharp weapons?"

As hard as she tried to avoid giving him restrictions because of his eyes, there were some things she couldn't abide.

Cloud sighed. "Derran was there – it was fine. I only nicked myself a few times." He lifted his right hand, showing tiny pink lines that had already healed from the Mako in his system. He knew she was just worried, but he wasn't a child. "Thanks for the tea."

Tifa pursed her lips and huffed, knowing he was just humouring her. "Fine. I'm going to get ready for my date." With that she strutted out of the room and down the hall.

Reno had been chuckling throughout the exchange. "Wow, you sure know how to piss off a woman, yo."

Cloud shrugged. "I only said a few words."

Reno snorted, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye. "Yeah, it's a talent, babe."

The ex-soldier shrugged and drank his tea. Reno considered his thoughts for a few moment. A date might be a nice idea. Maybe that's what was missing between them.

"Yo, you want anything in particular for dinner tonight?" When his boyfriend shook his head, Reno grinned, squeezing his hand. "Wanna go out?"

"Out?" Cloud considered it for a few moments. He didn't feel as self-conscious as he did a few months ago, but being seen like this in a public setting wasn't something he was hugely keen on. It had been a long time since reporters had hounded him, usually only mentioning him and the others on the anniversary of Meteorfall, but something like this was sure to be newsworthy if they caught wind of it. They'd been extremely lucky to avoid media attention so far, especially since two of the highest ranking Turks visited them so often.

But...Reno did sound so hopeful.

"Uh, sure. Where did you have in mind?" Denzel was in Corel with Marlene anyway, so it's not like he had to arrange a sitter.

"Hmm...we could go to Jemnezmy in Junon." He had grown fond of the restaurant after going there for the first time a few months ago with Rufus and Rude. "We can stay at my place for the night."

"Jemnezmy? Isn't that the really fancy one?" Cloud knew that to be the place that celebrities frequented. There were always reporters hanging around outside the place. "Uh, we...wouldn't we need a reservation?"

Sensing Cloud's hesitation, Reno's heart sunk, thinking that he didn't want to be seen out with him. "Well, yeah – it's gotta be a fancy place for our first date." Reno laughed at how ludicrous it was for them to only now be going on a first date. "They always have tables spare in case of the rich and famous. I think we're rich and famous enough between us to get in."

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about." Before Reno could feel too rejected, Cloud continued. "We will draw a lot of attention to ourselves and the press hasn't got wind of my...uh...condition yet."

_Oh...I get it_. "Nah, we'll be fine, Blondie. There's a different entrance if you want to fly under the radar."

With relief, Cloud allowed himself to become excited about getting out of the house for something other than work or therapy. He smiled – one of those rare, heart stopping ones that he only ever gave Reno – and rolled one shoulder back bashfully.

"Okay, Red. Let's go on a date."

_**xXx**_

He had woken up just over a week ago. No one had told him his real name yet, merely saying that he wasn't Cloud. Apparently something similar had happened to the real Cloud that must have switched their memories four years ago – when he was dead.

Yeah, he had been _dead_ for four years – that had been a shock. The scars on his body and the one on his forehead were testament to the truth in what he had been told, but it was no less upsetting. They wouldn't say why he was back, nor what his life was like before his death, but they could tell him that he and Cloud had suffered a memory switch? Seemed unfair to him. They told him that Cloud had gotten his memories in order on his own, so they thought it best that he do the same.

For the past week, he had be left to his own devices mainly – the only thing he had been scheduled for were his daily chats with Reeve. He hadn't remembered anything else, but he enjoyed the older man's company nonetheless. Shelke and Vincent often visited, too, and he grew accustomed to them enough to relax a little in their company; even speak to them.

For some reason, he found himself spending hours a day back in the lab he woke up in, it being in the same building that he was staying in. The woman in the other tank brought him a strange sense of comfort and camaraderie. Shelke didn't seem to mind – she spent this time studying him and explaining to him what an SND was. He didn't quite trust her enough to let her into his mind yet, but he wanted to in the future. It seemed like a promising method to regain memories.

This week had allowed him to settle into being alive again – to test and stretch his body and get it working. He found that he enjoyed exercise. Reeve had decided to commemorate the end of the first week by giving him a few items that had apparently belonged to him when he was last alive.

Amongst his few possessions were some silly things – like a pack of dirty cards, four die, a penknife and an elastic band – and some things that held deep meaning to him that he didn't yet understand – a flower, pressed and preserved between two squares of acrylic, a repeatedly folded polaroid of himself before the scars with an older man with black hair that looked familiar and a beaded pendant with what he thought was a yellow chocobo feather attached to it. These items opened up a glimpse into what he was like before his death.

The polaroid was obviously looked at often, showing that he cherished it and perhaps reminisced a lot about the man in the picture. He could have been a relative or friend, he didn't know. He put it aside for now. The other two items of the three he deemed important both brought to mind those sets of blue eyes – each item seemed to associate with a certain set of eyes.

The flower belonged to the aqua blue eyes and the pendant belonged to the sky blue ones.

He didn't know what that meant. They were put to the side for now too.

The last item he had received was a cell phone.

Turning it on, he noted that Reeve had taken the liberty of charging it for him. The password was apparently the same as before – he entered it automatically without even thinking about it – and the wallpaper looked standard issue for a company phone. This could have been given to him as a part of his job. Didn't Reeve say he was in the military? Some of the texts he'd sent read like orders, so he must have had a fairly high rank. Huh...

After a couple of minutes of toying around, messages that had been sent to him while the phone was off began to come through. A few were from the phone company and many were from 'Mum and Dad' which he guiltily pushed aside for later; he didn't feel up to dealing with those right now. There were some from random contacts that he supposed must have been friends and a lot from someone called 'Aerith'. That name brought to mind the aqua blue eyes and the pressed flower. He almost selected one of those ones to listen to, but another name caught his eye.

You have 4 new voicemail messages from 'Cloud'.

His mind filled with sky blue eyes and a chocobo feather pendant.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the button to listen to them.

_'You have four new voicemail messages from 'Cloud' – message one:'_

"..."

There was silence for a time, a few sniffs and a clearing of a throat. When the person finally spoke, their voice was thick with emotion.

"_Sorry...sorry, I didn't think hearing your voice would affect me so much_."

He could sympathise. That smooth voice made his heart leap and his eyes burn. He swallowed around a lump in his throat as he fought not to cry. It felt like his tongue had swollen to ten times its size inside his mouth. He hadn't been prepared for this.

"_It's been exactly a year today. A lot has happened, but I'm in a good place right now. Sephiroth's gone. Meteor fell and a lot of people died, but Shinra and the WRO are helping to restore everything. Yeah, you heard me right – Shinra. They...they're trying to do good, I guess. To repent. I ran into Reno of the Turks and he's definitely not a bad guy any more...no, I don't think he ever was. Maybe I'm the one who's changed..._"

A short laugh floated through the tiny phone.

"_I'll leave it at that for now. I'll call again. Goodbye, Zack. Thank you._"

Zack. That was his name. _Zack..._The first name wasn't enough to remind him of a last name, but it would do for now. He hadn't found out on his own like Reeve had wanted, but the engineer must have known it was a possibility when he gave the phone back to him.

A tinny female voice brought his attention back to the phone

_'Message two:'_

"_It's been two years...I should call more often. I hope you got my last message._"

Cloud's voice sounded slightly different – more deep and evenly toned; mature. It was evident that time had passed.

"_I didn't want to call when I was in a bad place...you deserve to hear me happy. I'm living for the both of us, after all. I'm doing my best._"

Those words struck a chord with him – again, frustratingly, they weren't clear enough to understand. He was beginning to get agitated, like he needed to know _now_, not just as and when it came to him.

"_I was sick for a while, but I'm okay now. Sephiroth came back again, but I finished him. For good this time._"

Zack suddenly understood the strange wary looks the other residents of Ceteira gave him so often – if this Sephiroth guy came back to life and caused Cloud trouble, maybe they thought he would do the same to them.

"_Tifa and I are looking after an orphan from Midgar. He's been through a lot but he seems to be settling in. Reno and I patched things up...You probably don't want to hear about that though..._"

Who the hell was Reno? And why did the suggestion of him and Cloud having some kind of relationship make him grit his teeth and seethe in anger he hadn't felt since had woken up?

Just who was Cloud to him? It was clear that the man was aware of his death and was leaving him messages as a kind of emotional relief, but...who _was_ he?

"_I don't have a lot of time, so I have to go now. I just wanted you to know that I'm all right. Goodbye, Zack. Thank you._"

Why did he keep saying thank you? This wasn't making things any clearer.

'_Message three:_'

"_It's been another year. I'm so bad at this._"

There was a great sigh.

"_The end of the world nearly happened again – I'm __starting__ to think we just attract this stuff. Or Shinra just never knew when to quit with the experiments and tests._"

Cloud hissed the word 'tests' with the same contempt as he felt when hearing the word – he got the feeling that Cloud was involved with him acquiring the hate for the word.

"_This time Vincent did the heavy lifting but we all got involved in the end. I don't know if you ever met Vincent. He got as messed up by Hojo as we did. He's a good guy._"

_Hojo_. That name sent jolts of horror shooting down his spine. Was Hojo what bonded him and Cloud? Partly perhaps. He felt too strong a connection for it to be just one thing. He also noted that Cloud knew Vincent. Zack decided that if Cloud thought he was a good guy, then he could trust him.

"_He and __Reeve left a few days ago with Shalua and Shelke. He said something about setting up in the City of the Ancients –__so __he can look after Shalua and try to wake her up. Shelke was going to stay with Tifa, Denzel and I but I think she wanted to be with her sister and she was always closer to Vincent than us._"

Shelke knew Cloud too? Maybe...maybe he would allow her to do her SND stuff then. If Cloud would have let her stay with him, she must be trustworthy. That settled it.

The girl in the tube was called Shalua, he noted – Shelke's sister. Good to know.

"_I hope you're well. As much as you can be, I guess. I've got to go. Goodbye, Zack. Thank you._"

...what was he thanking him for? The urge to know grew and festered like a living thing. He tried to calmly listen to the last message.

'_Message four:_'

"_It's been almost a year again. No end of he world threats have occurred, you'll be pleased to hear. Reno and I have finally made it official and are together now. I know you won't like hearing that, but I thought you should know._"

That feeling of rage reared up again, but he clenched his teeth and gripped the blankets on his bed in a tight fist to relieve the anger. He would have to find out who the fuck Reno was. He would also have to re-evaluate the relationship he thought he had had with Cloud.

"_Denzel is doing well in school. He had an accident a while ago and broke his leg, but he's okay. Tifa is with Rude now – can you believe that? They're good together though._"

Tifa and Rude were both names he recognised, but not enough to really rank high on his priority list.

"_A few months ago I uh...well I woke up and couldn't see. Still can't. They don't know what caused it and can't be sure that it's reversible. It's been long enough now that I've got to register myself as blind._"

He was blind? That...that killed him. That was so very wrong. Zack had awful visions of perfect sky blue eyes becoming milky and vacant with disuse.

It wasn't right.

How could he fix it?

"_I wanted you to know. It didn't feel right that I hadn't told you. I also...well...I have to say this to you now, before __I__ chicken out._"

Cloud took a deep breath and Zack had an ominous feeling that he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

"_I think...no, I _am_ in love with Reno. I haven't said anything to him. I can't...I don't know if he feels the same way. The only other person I knew I was in love with was you. It's not even gone away after all this time. _

_I don't know if I loved Aerith. You loved her and I think I loved her as a result of our memories switching. So...yeah...I don't know how to tell if Reno loves me back. No one's ever loved me like that. _

_You didn't. Aerith didn't. Tifa likes to think she did but that was just a teenage crush._

_I don't know what to do...But I need you to know that whatever happens, I'm not replacing you. You'll still be everything to me. But four years is a long time to be stuck in time. _

_I'm going to move on, okay? I still love you – I always will – but I'm going to try and love Reno, too. I want to find out what it's like to be loved._

_I'll call again. Goodbye, Zack. Thank you._"

Zack was speechless.

Cloud loved him? That explained what their relationship had been but...he hadn't loved Cloud back? Why not? And he had loved Aerith – the aqua blue eyes and the pressed flower.

Had he been with both of them?

Why was Cloud still thanking him if he did that to him?

He had to know.

Before he realised what he was doing he had hit redial and pressed the phone to his ear. His heart beat madly, but he remained determined.

Cloud was about to find out he was alive.

**Hit my 6000 word target. Boom!**


	18. Chapter 18

**This took a little longer than planned to get out, but here it is :3 Enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

_**Chapter Eighteen**_

When Cloud's phone rang, it made him jump – which was apparently hilarious to Reno, who sat on the couch next to him, trying to hide his giggles behind his bottle of beer. Grumbling, the blond pulled the small device out of his pocket and briefly felt along the buttons to find the one that would accept the call, pressing it to his ear once he did.

All that he could hear for a few seconds was white noise, before an automated voice told him that the caller hadn't paid their bill and that he should push '1' to reverse the charge.

Frowning, Cloud turned his head towards Reno to let him know that he was talking to him. "It's asking me to reverse the charge?"

Reno snorted, returning his attention to the movie playing on his TV. "Hang up – that's gotta be one of those tele-sales companies' new tricks to get your money, yo."

"Hmm." The blond followed the advice of his boyfriend, pocketing his phone, and settled back against the couch cushions. "Seems a bit late for them to be calling." He didn't sound overly concerned.

Reno shrugged, absent mindedly stroking Cloud's knee. "It's gotta be daylight somewhere."

Cloud agreed silently and settled in to listen to the movie again – it was some action film that he had seen a hundred times before he had lost his sight, so he didn't mind not being able to see the screen. They had returned from the restaurant at around eleven and neither man had been tired so they decided to flick through the channels to see if anything was on.

Dinner had been a nice, relaxing affair. They had gotten in fairly unnoticed through the covert side door – though Cloud suspected that they had been spotted by a few people at least and was glad to have forgone his white cane, allowing Reno to guide him for once – and were seated upstairs in a private booth overlooking the lower level through one way glass.

They had a lot to talk about – things that never got brought up when they didn't have a bottle and a half of good red wine each in their stomachs and weren't soothed by the delicious food and pleasant atmosphere. They spoke of Cloud's relationship with his son – for that's how he truly saw Denzel – and how Tifa seemed to be doing better now that she had the bar back up and running and Rude for the support that Cloud just wasn't able to give her. Reno's work was discussed – in as much detail as he was allowed as per confidentiality – as was Cloud's job, which he enjoyed immensely though he did miss doing deliveries.

The most awkward the conversation got was when the big taboo subject of sex cropped up. Reno was itching to go all the way with his gorgeous boyfriend. Hand jobs, blow jobs and frottage was nice – fucking awesome, actually – but it had been seven months and Reno thought he had been more than patient. Every time the Turk had tried to take their intimate moments to the next level, Cloud would tense up and redirect him.

At first, Reno had thought it was because he wanted to take it slow – even at the age of twenty-five, he couldn't imagine Cloud had actually fully had sex with many people. After all, he had been jailbait before the labs, then a vegetable and then he had been running all over the world after Shinra and Sephiroth. It was only in the last few years that the guy would have been able to explore his sexuality – Zack and Aerith being exceptions, if he had even slept with them.

But after _seven freaking months_ Reno was getting frustrated – he was a hot blooded male with a boyfriend who was so damn sexy but kept on throwing the walls up every time they went a bit further than touching. It wasn't like he was going to push the blond into something he wasn't ready for, but surely there had to be more of a reason than simple nervousness? Cloud had gotten uncomfortable but admitted that he wasn't imagining things. He asked Reno to just drop it for now, but it definitely wasn't about him.

Sighing, the redhead finished his beer and accepted that their relationship just had a lot of complications and emotional barriers that were going to take a long time to get past. It was as he was pondering on this sad fact that his company PHS began to ring, making Cloud jump and Reno giggle again.

Laughing, he nudged the sulking blond. "We're popular tonight." He got up and walked over to his kitchenette before answering. "Reno of the Turks."

"Reno."

_Oh shit_.

Reno's heart began to race, remembering the last time that Rufus had called him late at night. Shit, he was about to tell him that the guy up north was definitely Zack Fair and that he wanted to see Cloud, wasn't he? Fuck...as if their relationship didn't have enough problems already.

He...he didn't want Cloud to see him.

It wasn't fair – Zack had his chance with the blond. It was Reno's turn.

"Hey, boss man. What's up?" His voice was strained in an attempt to sound normal. It didn't help that he was tipsy and was slurring his words enough already.

Rufus either didn't notice the state he was in or chose to ignore it. "I need you to come to my apartment – I have something to discuss with you."

Confused, the Turk didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Last time, Rufus was able to discuss Fair over the phone, but maybe this was something that he couldn't risk being intercepted? Reno didn't know how to feel, so he kept his guard up. "To your apartment? _Now_?"

"Yes, my apartment – I took some work home with me tonight – and, yes, _now_ because I'm afraid that it–" The president cut himself off abruptly, making a small noise of dawning understanding. "Oh. You must be in Edge tonight."

Reno drew his brows together and huffed silently. He was so confused – this must be important, else the boss wouldn't of called him so late on his night off. But he seemed to be willing to brush it off if he wasn't in Junon – though his voice had sounded tight when he voiced that realisation. "Nah, I'm in the city tonight. Cloud and I had a date at Jemnezmy. I can come over if you need me too."

There was silence for a few moments and, for some reason, it felt tense to Reno. Then, Rufus replied with a terse,"Yes, I need you here."

That had sounded...odd. But he had offered. "Okay, I'll be over in ten, yo."

He hung up and peered through the archway between the living room and the kitchenette. "Cloud?" The blond's face appeared over the back of the couch, his chin resting on top of the cushions. "That was the boss man. He needs me to come in for a bit – you all right on your own here for a while? Shouldn't be more than an hour – two, tops."

Cloud frowned, but he was used to Reno being called away for work by now. Being third in the pecking order of a company that was quickly returning to its former international glory made him a busy man. "You're not going to drive are you?" He asked, thinking about the amount of alcohol he and the redhead had consumed that night.

Reno grinned. "Nah, boss man is at his apartment around the corner. I can walk."

The blond nodded and waved him goodbye, returning his attention to the film.

_**xXx**_

What just happened?

Zack pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, puzzled at the continuous dull tone coming from it. What had that little robotic voice said?

_I haven't paid my bill? What the hell kind of crap is that?!_

The man pondered over it for a while, disappointed to have missed his chance to hear that voice again and hear it respond to his own. Something was screaming at him to find some way to let Cloud know that he was alive. He wasn't sure how, but he knew that the man didn't already know – that if he did know, he would be here to see him in an instant. Why couldn't he talk to him? What was the point in having a phone if he couldn't_–?_

_Reeve_.

The engineer had given him the phone and had even charged it for him, so why hadn't he made sure the bill was paid? He didn't seem to be the sort of person to forget something like that, so it must have been on purpose. But...he seemed so nice...why wouldn't he want him to talk to anyone from his past? _Only one way to find out._

Zack leapt off his bed and made his way over to Reeve's office in the WRO Building. As he got closer, he sped up, his breath coming heavier as the situation began to dawn on him. He needed to speak to Cloud – it was a matter of life and death, his subconscious urged, and not a single person was going to stand in his way. For that was what Reeve was doing by taking away his link to Cloud. Standing in his way. He couldn't abide that, whether the man was doing it for his own good or not.

By the time Zack reached the office door, he was storming along and found himself punching the door once aggressively in lieu of a knock and threw the door open. The scene that greeted him halted his invasion.

He never knew a person could blush that hard.

The normally deathly pale face of Vincent Valentine was a burning crimson and he looked uncharacteristically bashful with one arm gripping the other and wide, confused eyes focused on the man that had come storming in. Zack frowned, curious as to why he hadn't jumped to attention at what could have been a threat. Surely he hadn't been able to sneak up on Vincent? Zack knew the man had a military background and enhanced senses, so his loudly aggressive approach should have earned him the greeting of a close up with the barrel of Cerberus. But the man was surprised.

Zack glanced behind the man to find Reeve sitting at his desk, hands flat on the wooden surface and his face the epitome of cool and calm – a face so precisely blank that it could only have been purposely constructed to throw someone off. They had clearly been having a serious discussion.

Fumbling with his thoughts – previous anger having been forgotten momentarily – Zack couldn't help but ask, "Uh...am I interrupting anything?"

Vincent's whole face seemed to twitch before he drew himself in and shook his head in a slight action, sweeping out of the room smoothly and disappearing down the corridor. If Zack's eyes had left Reeve for a single second, he would have missed the sad, longing expression that briefly overpowered the carefully put together look.

As it was, the engineer focussed his attention on the remaining occupant of his office, seeming to act as if nothing had happened. Zack silently decided not to draw attention to the incident. "How can I help you, Zack? Did your personal items trigger any memories?"

The anger tried to rear up once again, but Zack forced it down, rationalising that the man had acted in his best interests so far and he clearly had other things on his mind. Were he and Vincent together? Their personalities complimented each other nicely, so it was a possibility. If they were having problems, it would explain why Reeve let the phone bill slip his mind.

Zack sighed and shook his head, sitting heavily in the seat opposite Reeve's desk – the one he occupied for an hour every day for their therapeutic chats. "Not really – I kind of got the feeling that this Cloud guy I remember meant a lot to me. I mean, _of course _he meant a lot to me, but maybe I was with him? As in romantically."

Reeve nodded slowly. "While I can't confirm that you were a couple – simply because I never knew for sure – I always got that impression from the way you used to speak about him."

Zack hummed, closing his eyes and remembering Cloud's voice – __I still love you – I always will – but I'm going to try and love Reno, too.__ He couldn't let Cloud move on without him now that he was back – he didn't care how selfish that made him.

"You know that my old phone was with my stuff?" Reeve made an affirmative noise. "Well, I turned it on and he had left me messages. The last one was dated a few months ago. You know he's blind?"

A pained look crossed Reeve's features. He had confessed to Zack just yesterday that Cloud was like family to him – like a beloved nephew, or something – and that he cared deeply about what happened to the man. Zack guessed now that Cloud's trouble was another thing that Reeve had on his mind. "I know, Zackary. Cloud has a lot on his plate right now. I am surprised that he would leave messages for you, though – he isn't the sort of person that deals with his past in a healthy way. I suppose that reminding himself of your death was another way to punish himself."

Zack drew his eyebrows together at the information – _Cloud punishes himself over the past?_ Something about that niggled at his memories – agitated them until one specific memory wobbled precariously like a loose tooth. He still couldn't grasp it, but he felt close.

"No...he wasn't doing it to punish himself. He said on them that he only left messages when he was in a good place. Though, in four years, he only left four messages, so I guess he hasn't been in a good place very consistently."

It was odd speaking about someone he couldn't remember meeting in such a way. All he could physically associate with the man he called Cloud were sky blue eyes and a chocobo feather pendant, but he meant everything to him emotionally. Having these feelings without any memories attached to them was grating at his nerves – it made him itch to find out why Cloud thought he didn't love him. Maybe his past self hadn't, but this version of himself – this scarred flesh and bone version – did. He didn't know how he knew, he just did – he knew it the same way he knew Cloud wasn't aware of him returning to life.

Reeve tapped his fingers against the polished surface of his desk, looking thoughtful. "Interesting...perhaps all this time Cloud has been trying to get better in his own way."

"Get better?" What was wrong with Cloud? Reeve had said 'all this time' and the blindness seemed to be a recent development.

The WRO director waved his hand dismissively. "Cloud has his fair share of demons, but I'm not at liberty to discuss them."

"Then I'll have to ask him when I speak to him. That's kind of why I came here – my phone bill hasn't been paid so it wouldn't let me call him."

Reeve's face scrunched into a stern frown at that, confusing the man before him. What had he said to make Reeve pull a face like that? "I'm afraid that that was intentional, Zachary. I told you that it would be best for you to regain your memories at your own pace, so it would not be beneficial for you to try and contact anyone from your past."

Indignant, Zack jerked back, desperately holding back his temper in case he was getting the wrong impression. "Uh...Reeve, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I've got this real strong feeling that Cloud is the answer. Like if I talk to him, I'll know why I'm here. You know?"

The older man crossed his arms across his chests, features not softening, as Zack had expected. Instead, Reeve seemed to harden his resolve. "Let's try it my way for a while first."

That didn't sound like he had much of a choice. Zack really didn't like the feeling he was getting about Reeve's intentions about Cloud.

Zack shook his head – almost to clear it as opposed to an actual negative gesture. "Wha–?" He half laughed. "Well, why the hell did you give me my phone back? To punish me with his voice? What about with my parent's voices? Or even that Aerith person? I don't know who they are but I know they're important – and you thought you'd let me feel all of this but not let me go and see them? Or at least talk to them? Reeve what the _fuck?!_"

Reeve watched the ex-SOLDIER work himself up as he spoke, breathing hard and fast and puffing his chest out defiantly – Reeve remained unmoved. He waited until Zack had spoken his piece before responding.

"I wanted you to get a better feel for who you were, but you aren't the same person at the moment. Some day you will be, but for now I don't want you inserting yourself into Cloud's life. That boy is like family to me and he's been through too much. You'll see him when your presence will disrupt his life the least."

Zack didn't realise he was standing up until he'd slammed his hands down on the desk and leaned forward, hot anger rising in his cheeks. "Disrupt his life?! I _am_ his life!"

_Woah...where did that come from?_ He was lucky that no one had come rushing in to protect the director with how loud he had shouted.

Reeve did _not_ look impressed with what he had said – his eyes turned steely and Zack's mind brought forth an image of him in a conference room with some unsavoury looking characters discussing harsh politics. This man may be kind, but Zack had a feeling that he was about to find out how fierce he could be when someone threatened his own.

"Sit down, Zackary." Reluctantly, Zack complied, feeling more and more like he had no choice in matters concerning Cloud. "Cloud is his own person and while you were a part of his life, you are not any more. Deal with it."

Scowling, the ex-SOLDIER shook his head. "I am a part of his life – he said so in those messages. He said that he still loves me and that he couldn't move on without me."

Reeve shook his head, almost pitying Zack and his delusions – this man was definitely not the Zack Fair he remembered. This was Cloud – not the sweet, shy Cloud of today or many years past, but the Cloud of three years ago, when they were journeying across the world trying to rid the world of a maniac. Reeve had mistakenly believed that Cloud's personality back then was due to confusion, depression and a personality switch, but he now saw that it wasn't true. This aggressive, arrogant side of both the current Zack and three years ago Cloud was a strange merge of the darkest parts of both of them.

It would definitely be a bad idea to let Zack see Cloud now – not while he wasn't himself.

"Whatever you may believe, you can't see Cloud right now or speak with him. Concentrate on finding yourself and then we will discuss the matter further."

"I thought I was here for _my_ own good. That I was free to go but you wanted to help me?" Zack had that trapped feeling again.

"You are here for your own good – but also for his." Reeve stood and strode to the door, not entirely surprised to find Vincent standing outside looking tense and protective. He must have heard their discussion. Turning back to the ex-SOLDIER, Reeve gestured that he should leave. "Focus on yourself, Zackary. I will help you as much as I can, however this is something that I will not budge on. You can leave whenever you like, but if you were to try to find him, I'd do everything in my power to stop you."

_**xXx**_

The city was now known as the world's largest surviving metropolis, but Junon didn't really have much in the way of traditional Wutaian tea gardens. Tseng had been disappointed to discover this, having wanted to court his fiancé in the proper way according to their people. Yuffie hadn't been too upset, saying that Wutai belonged in Wutai and that anything that outsiders could come up with wouldn't be up to scratch. Tseng could see her point.

Instead, the newly forged couple spent their dates in cinemas and restaurants, often ending the evening walking through the park that resided in one of the newly extended sectors of Junon City. Yuffie loved the park, especially at night – the trees were lined with fairy lights and the scattered benches were twined with cast iron ivy and sat amongst copious amounts of brightly coloured flowers. Their shoes crunched on the gravel path they were walking on, arm in arm, as they endured the wintry night air – it was just barely peaking into the new year and the grass was still frosty.

In the past months, Tseng found that he had become more than fond of the petite ninja – and he had more than once seen her cast him heated looks that betrayed her true feelings towards him – but neither of them could quite settle with each other. Tseng sensed that his bride to be couldn't amend her view of him – it was still shrouded in the murky grey smog named Shinra – but he was no better. He found himself sharing only his most superficial thoughts and feelings, sure she would somehow use the deeper ones against him.

How did Reno and Strife do it? Or Rude and Lockhart? To go from enemies to friends and more...It seemed impossible that everything between them could be water under the bridge – especially when the bridge seemed too low and poorly constructed to weather the debris left behind from the fallout of their shared past.

Perhaps Tseng really was beyond saving in the eyes of Wutai – perhaps he would drag Yuffie down to his level, rather than gain his previously respectable status by joining her family. It seemed more likely. The best thing to do would be to end this endeavour and allow Yuffie to marry someone more suitable.

Therein lay his problem: he didn't want to let her go – and she seemed determined to go through with the marriage.

There was just something about her – something he could never see before, when she was naught but an overzealous child of sixteen taking on the world with a tantrum. Maybe that was another barrier between them – it was difficult to see past the age difference. But now...she was a mature woman – she held her head up high, considered her problems to reach a rational conclusions and exuded a sense of strength that only seemed to exist within wise women.

To be honest, she reminded him of Aerith at times. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"It's a shame Cloud hasn't been able to see this place – he'd like it." Yuffie chatted quietly, trying not to disturb the quiet calmness with her usually loud voice. "It opened a few weeks after he turned blind. It's a shame."

"Hmm." Tseng agreed, keeping with the slow, ambling pace that they'd set. "Everything happens for a reason – sometimes the reason just takes a long time to manifest itself. Maybe he will see this place someday."

Yuffie heaved a seemingly long suffering sigh. "Yeah, I was brought up on the same feel-good crap philosophies, remember?" She turned her head to look at he fiancé, smiling almost coyly. "It's hard to think that something so awful could happen for a reason. Hasn't he been through enough shit '_for a reason_'?"

"It's possible that the new situation will be the reason."

Snorting, the ninja girl looked back to enjoy the view before her. "Do you really think that him seeing Zack will cure him?"

Tseng shrugged. "It seems too coincidental that Strife lost his sight just before the discovery of Fair in the Northern Cave. Those two were always...connected. One would always know when the other was in trouble. It's not such a far fetched theory."

"No, I suppose not..." They had discussed this a lot – ever since Yuffie let it slip that she was aware of the situation in the north, their conversations often drifted in that direction. She had taken it well, in Tseng's opinion; he'd expected her to, in her words, 'freak out', but that wasn't the case. According to Yuffie, Vincent Valentine had put some things in perspective for her when he revealed Fair. She hadn't even griped at him about Shinra messing with nature – though that could be more to do with the fact that she sensed his own agitation towards Shinra's meddling. They had more in common than they realised.

It was dark now and the tree lights twinkled pleasantly, illuminating their usual path. There was no threat of snow – it rarely got more than frosty on the eastern continent – but it was cold all the same. Yuffie chatted away about this and that, rambling on about nothing. It seemed like nervous chatter to Tseng, like she had something on her mind.

_Maybe we are closer than I thought_, Tseng pondered. He seemed to understand her moods and feelings more and more without being prompted. "Something is on your mind."

His companion faltered in her steps, nibbling her lip. She finally nodded and gestured towards a nearby bench, brushing off most of the frost before sitting down. She didn't look as the Turk joined her, keeping her eyes focused on the array of sweet peas and marigolds – it crossed her mind vaguely that they must be genetically engineered to still be blooming at this time of year.

In Wutai, the flowers were buds in the spring, grew and bloomed gloriously in the summer, wilted in the autumn and shrivelled winter. It seemed more natural than these modified plants – living beings were meant to grow and flourish for a time before dying away, giving way to their seed. It was natural and right. It must take a toll, being forever strong and young, never being able to take a break and be weak for a while – maybe that was why the SOLDIER race died out, being frozen in time due to the alien presence of Mako in their veins. Maybe that was why Cloud was suffering.

But that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. She had received a phone call that afternoon that put their budding relationship in the spotlight. It was calls like that that reminded her that she needed to let her guard down a bit and let Tseng in – it would encourage him to do the same, she hoped. As reluctant as she had been about this marriage, it wasn't in her best interest to create hostility between them – they were going to be bonded for life; might as well enjoy each other's company. He was kind of hot. For an old guy.

Heaving a great sigh, Yuffie decided to just get out with it. "My mum called." She lay her head on the back of the bench, rolling it to face her fiancé. "They've publicly announced the engagement and have given us a few dates to choose from."

Looking at her sharply, Tseng couldn't hide his surprise. "Dates? Isn't it too...early..." The vague question drifted off as it seemed to dawn on him how long it had been. "Wow...it really has been six months."

"Yeah, I hadn't realised either."

Nodding slowly, the Turk asked,"What are the dates?"

Yuffie lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. "They're all in June. Mum says that she'd like it to be the twenty-fourth – something about making a stronger marriage if it happened exactly a year after the engagement."

Tseng swallowed around a suddenly dry mouth. "Sounds good."

"Well..." Yuffie huffed, hating how clinical this all was. The least Tseng could do was show some emotion, even if it was negative. "The twenty-fourth it is. I'll call my folks in the morning."

"Right."

Glancing over, Yuffie frowned at the blank expression on her companion's face. "It's not too late, you know. To back out."

_That_ got his attention. "What? Why would I do that?"

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Because I could get more emotion out of _Vincent_ than you when talking about the wedding. I know that this wasn't what either of us wanted, but that doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing. I thought we were...y'know bonding...or whatever." The petite woman's face flushed too brightly for it to be due to the cold. Despite her embarrassment, she powered through and said something that made her vulnerable – something she would never have done in any other situation.

"Maybe it's only me that's feeling this – it's not just an arrangement to me any more. I'm not saying that I'm in love or anything, but I could be, I guess." She finally looked back at her fiancé, wary of the blatant shock he was displaying. "If you aren't in a place where you can see yourself actually enjoying being with me, then this isn't going to work. We can't force ourselves to be happy if there's nothing between us. I won't live like that. This is a good marriage for our families and it's convenient for us, but if it you're not feeling anything then I won't go through with it."

The silence stretched on, lingering between them like the white mist of their breaths. They hadn't looked away from each other – Yuffie seemed to be challenging him to speak his mind. It occurred to him that perhaps there wasn't as much of a barrier between them as he thought – he was the only one holding back. Those looks that he had believed to be calculating may have merely been curious and the times when she would take his hand on their walks in the park didn't seem as forced as they should have been. Come to think of it, Yuffie shared a lot with him – about her friendship with Vincent, fears for Cloud and confusion about Zack.

Huh.

Opening his mouth, Tseng gave an offering to the silence. "You aren't the only one, Yuffie."

That was all she needed. Reaching up to tuck a strand of Tseng's long hair behind his ear, Yuffie invited him to extend the intimacy – something expected after six months of courtship.

The kiss was short and sweet, but _something_ after so long.

The silence was more comfortable this time, broken only by Yuffie's soft announcement. "I guess this means that we need to tell everyone now."

Tseng wondered how they'd all take it.

_**xXx**_

Rufus wasn't oblivious to Cissnei's feelings towards him, he merely couldn't find it within himself to do anything but use her. He couldn't help himself. Every time he saw her face, all he could see was his Reno.

Except he wasn't _his_ Reno – and that was becoming more of a problem every time he fucked Cissnei. It felt like cheating, which was irrational – but who needed rationality? As long as he could run his company and command respect from others, who cared if his personal life was a complete mess?

He'd learned his lesson when it came to dealing with this problem – he couldn't afford to check out and drink himself into a stupor every time his stomach churned when thinking about Reno. Or Strife. Or Reno and Strife together – doing _things_ with each other and _loving_ each other. He became so jealous when he thought about it, it made him sick – which happened most of the time.

Still, playing with the girl wasn't fair – Rufus knew that. She seemed to have convinced herself that she was his girlfriend or something to that effect – always bringing him lunch and asking him what he was doing after work. She didn't seem deterred when he pushed her away, ignored her, sent her on far away missions that lasted for days every time they had sex. Cissnei was a persistent one – then again, that's exactly why Veld employed her. She was a good Turk, but she was becoming a problem.

For months, he had tried to make mental lists of Reno's faults, how Cissnei was a better alternative, their similarities – but the whole endeavour was fruitless. There was just something about Reno that couldn't be substituted by Cissnei. Not even her mouth around his cock working furiously under his desk earlier that afternoon had excited him more than the look in Reno's eyes when he strode into his apartment that night. His beautiful Turk looked concerned but professionally calm – such a far cry from that scared kid that had sat in front of his desk all those years ago with his knees pulled to his chest and lip between his teeth.

Being stone cold sober since his little stint of dependence, Rufus had reached his boiling point. The drink had kept him from acting on his growing attraction, but he couldn't help himself any more. Reno was happy with Strife and Rufus had been contented to let them be for a time, but the relationship was hard on his Turk – he had even confessed to his employer in 'friend mode' that the two hadn't even slept together yet. _I mean we've done stuff, but not actually fucked, y'know?_

Making that phone call to the red head was probably a mistake, but Rufus just wasn't able to regret the decision when he had Reno standing before him, looking pink-cheeked and tipsy, alone with him in his apartment.

"Yo." Reno said in greeting before he strode across the luxurious room and fell bonelessly – as only one who is quite tipsy can do – into one of the overstuffed armchairs that surrounded the sleek glass coffee table. Rufus was silent still, staring at his Turk with an intense expression. It occurred to Reno that his boss was acting strangely, but it was nothing that alarmed him – he would later blame the bottles of wine he had drank for those poor instincts.

After a significant period of silence, Reno cleared his throat and started the conversation. "You said that we needed to talk?"

Rufus nodded, eyes fixated on the redhead's lips. "Yes, we do. Have you spoken with Strife about the situation in the north?"

Frowning, Reno hesitated in answering, not quite sure where this was going. "Uh, not yet. I don't want to give him false hope." An alarming thought flashed through his mind. He stood abruptly, something akin to panic flooding through him. "Why?! Has something happened to Zack?" He was terrified about the repercussions of his boyfriend and the SOLDIER golden boy reuniting, yes, but Zack had been his friend too.

The president smirked, strangely, and shook his head in a tiny action – it seemed that he was back to his suave, calculating self. "Not at all – I hear that Fair is doing well."

"Oh..." And he was back to confused. What could be so important then? He sat back down, trying to calm his erratic heart. "Then what does it matter if I've told Cloud or not, yo?"

Rufus' nose seemed to wrinkle at the use of Cloud's first name – like the use of it made the relationship between his Turk and the ex-AVALANCHE leader more tangible.

"Were you aware of your boyfriend's relationship with him?"

_This is getting weird...well, more weird. _Reno didn't feel too comfortable with this chat they were having. "...I've had a hunch that they were more than friends, if that's what you mean. Why?" He swallowed nervously. "Has Zack...remembered? Has he asked to see him?"

"No, but he will." Rufus leaned forward, elbows on knees – the table lamp casting an ominous light across his face. "What are you going to do when he does? When _Cloud_ leaves you for him?" Cloud's name was spat out like poison.

Affronted, Reno gripped the arms of his chair tightly, clawing at the leather and trying desperately to keep his cool around his employer. _We aren't in fucking 'friend mode' now_. Through gritted teeth, he ground out,"No offence, _sir_, but that ain't any of your business. You own my ass professionally, but my private life is mine."

_I'm all too aware_, Rufus thought. He hated offending Reno like this, but he knew his Turk well and knew just how to plant the seeds of doubt. He couldn't stand being without him any more and the whole Zack Fair situation was the perfect way to get what he wanted. He needed Reno to be happy – so stealing him from Strife now would spare him the heartache of losing the blond to Zack in the near future.

"You know it will happen, Reno. I thought we were friends? I only want to make sure that you know what you're doing."

Reno's vision swam, reminding him that he was still verging on drunk and that shaking his head vigorously in denial would do no good. "We are friends, Rufus, but you aren't acting like one right now. You're acting like a boss, yo, and a fuckin' inappropriate and controlling one at that. Cloud and I will deal with that particular hurdle when we get to it, but for now we're fine." The redhead stood, ignoring the sickly feeling that roiled in his stomach as he did, and turned to leave. "If that's all, I'm going. Cloud's waiting for me."

Before he knew what was happening, Reno felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and he was turned forcefully and shoved up against the front door.

"Yo, what the fuck?!"

Rufus loomed before him, arms caging him in – the man was staring at him hotly, eyes a dark, stormy grey. Reno had never seen him like this before – he almost felt...scared. His skin prickled and his blood rushed – it felt like his body was preparing for something to happen. Like he would soon have the unconscious choice of fight or flight. But...he wasn't in danger, right? Rufus was a dangerous man, but he was his friend. Why...?

"H-have you been drinking again?"

The president didn't reply. Instead, he pressed in close, turning his head to bury his face in his employee's neck and taking a deep breath.

"Rufus?" The feeling – _fear_ – grew and grew. This was something that Reno had never expected from Rufus – from anyone, really. This felt so intimate and Reno didn't want it. Not from Rufus.

Maybe his boss had finally snapped after all the shit that he'd done – maybe Zack waking up had triggered something in him to surface that was dark and buried long ago. It was the only reason for this that the Turk could think of as he stood completely still, his head turned away from the blond's. He tensed all the more when Rufus stepped forward and pressed his whole body up against him, chest to chest with a thigh forced between Reno's legs.

"Rufus, get off me." He tried to sound calm, forcing words through stiff lips, but even he could hear the barely restrained panic in his voice. Rufus was fucking _hard_! Even tipsy, Reno understood what was going to happen if he didn't do something. But he couldn't move! "Rufus, p-please. Get off!"

He didn't realise he'd raised his arms to push the man away until Rufus grabbed them and forced them against the door. He really started to panic then – trying desperately to thrash and move, but, now, in this moment, Rufus was much stronger.

What the hell had happened to his military training? His Turk dexterity? His ferocious and tenacious knack for getting out of tricky situations? He hadn't thought he'd need it here – it had been left behind, waiting for him to reclaim it outside of the front door. Why should he don the Turk façade in the presence of a friend, after all?

"I bet he doesn't even talk to you about Fair." The smooth voice stopped his struggles. The only sound for a while was the heavy pants of the captive.

"The fuck you talking about?"

"Strife – I bet every time Fair is mentioned, he changes the subject." Reno didn't answer – it was a little too close to the mark for him to think of any rebuttal. "It's because he can't share that part of himself with you – he still loves him. You know that the second Fair is well enough to go to him, he'll forget about you."

Struggling got him nowhere – in fact, it seemed to make the situation worse. He could feel his boss' manhood twitch against his stomach. When had Rufus gotten so much taller than him?

"No! You're wrong – Cloud loves me, too. He won't forget me."

Lips brushed against his jaw as Rufus shook his head slowly. "Does he? Has he told you that?"

_No, he hasn't_. "That doesn't–"

"_It matters_. You deserve to be loved." His face was grabbed painfully and wrenched around to look at Rufus, fingers clawing hard into his cheeks. "_I_ love you, Reno. Doesn't that count for anything?"

Too shocked to take advantage of his now-free hand, Reno didn't stop his employer from pulling him forward to crush their lips together.

It was like an electric current running through him – the connection of lips completing the circuit – charging him up and filling him with the strength he'd been missing.

He managed to free his other hand quickly and shoved Rufus away, hard enough to send the man back several steps. The back of his knees hit the coffee table, sending him sprawling back in a chaotic _crash_ of broken glass.

The two of them stood where they were, frozen in place at what had happened. Reno recovered first.

"You were going to rape me." He said it quietly, strangely feeling the calm he so desperately sought just a few minutes ago wash over him. Blood slid down his cheeks slowly, originating from five individual crescent shaped cuts.

Rufus was in better shape – there was no blood because the table had been made out of safety glass, but he was going to be severely bruised. He shook his head, looking desperate. It seemed that the fall had knocked him out of the determined trance he'd been in. "No! No, I wouldn't–!"

"Yeah, you would." Reno slid down the door to sit on the floor, staring blankly at the thick chunks of glass that had scattered as far as him. "You fucking would have, Rufus. That's not love."

"But I do." The blond hadn't moved, still sitting in his nest of broken glass and splintered wood. His little plan to break up a relationship had left him in a mess. He couldn't believe he really thought that would work. "I love you."

Shaking his head, Reno closed his eyes. "I believe that you think you do. But you don't love me."

"I do!" Rufus curled his hands into fists, the stress of the last year finally overflowing. "I've been fucking Cissnei for six months. Do you know why? Because she's small, like you; because she's got red hair, like you; because she smokes the same cigarettes as you – she smells the same. But every time...I remember that she's not you and it makes me fucking sick."

_Huh...it's been a while since I've heard bossman swear_. Reno felt numb – it hadn't quite hit him that his friend had just assaulted him. He'd had an inkling that the president and his co-worker had been sleeping together but hadn't been aware as to why – obviously. He felt so fucking stupid.

He finally looked at Rufus, almost tempted to shield his eyes, like he was looking at the sun. He was certainly destructive enough. The man sat there, feebly chewing his lip and looking about the room. Reno felt the most strange sensation of deja vu – he was back in Rufus' office, curled up on a chair while the former vice-president looked on, superior and so much _older_, despite the fact that they were the same age. Now, their roles were reversed – Reno held the power here, he knew. Rufus had been the aggressive one, but by being so he'd exposed himself – he was naked and raw.

If Reno wanted to, he could destroy him.

Could he forgive Rufus for this? Were they still friends?

"Is this why you've been so weird recently?" His voice was monotone.

Frowning, Rufus shook his head petulantly. What did he care about looking like a child? Reno knew now that he couldn't control himself. Fuck decorum.

Reno sighed, knocking his head against the door behind him. "Yes, it is."

"What does it matter now? You obviously don't even have a flicker of feeling for me in return." The lumps of glass clinked together as Rufus stood. He kept his gaze on the floor as he walked towards the door. Reno felt the strange _fear_ rear up again, but he needn't have worried; Rufus stopped a few steps away. "You can go now. I need to go somewhere anyway."

Cautiously, Reno stood, staying where he was as a barrier between his employer and the door. "Where are you going? You didn't seem to be in a hurry to be going anywhere before."

Scowling, Rufus' temper flared – hadn't he been humiliated enough?! "I am going to the local store for a drink, if it is okay with you, Reno _of the Turks_. I don't have any whisky in and I have a real thirst for it for some reason."

"You aren't starting that shit again, Rufus." Something clicked in Reno's mind suddenly – Cissnei standing in the way of Rufus' office doors, puffed up in agitation a snarling at him that President Shinra doesn't want to see anyone right now, _especially not you_. "Shit, is that why Cissnei was so fucking possessive over you back then?" Reno stepped into Rufus' space, his eyes hard. "Grow the fuck up, _sir_, and realise what you fucking have."

He was angry and terrified of him. But he still cared. He was still the closest thing Reno had to a brother after Ryan died and his Ma kicked him out all those years ago – he had taken him in and taken a personal interest in him. He was his fucking _best friend_.

He didn't care that Rufus had become attracted to him – believed himself to be in love with him – he understood. This wasn't the end of them. But it was really damn wrong that Reno had to be the strong one here – he had to be the one holding the shattered pieces together.

"You're attracted to me. Fine. I can live with that – just don't fucking do that ever again." Reno crossed his arms, meeting his boss' glare. "You have something good in Cissnei. She's hot and cares about you and is about as twisted as you are. She gets you and I really fucking don't. Focus on her – she's the one who got you off the drink, not me, so don't let me be the one to push you back on it." The Turk held a hand up to stop Rufus from speaking, as it looked like he was about to interrupt. "Cloud loves me – he hasn't said it yet, but I know he does – and I love him. That's it. We'll deal with anything the whole Zack situation can throw at us when it comes to it, but for now we are solid. Leave us alone. I am still your Turk and I'm still your friend. Move on."

The blond stepped back, as though Reno's words were a physical blow. Pain twisted his features as is seemed to truly hit him that Reno was out of his reach for good. "Reno..."

Three sharp knocks interrupted whatever Rufus was about to say, followed by a timid, "Rufus? Sir?"

Cissnei.

**So many F words in such a short space -.- And L words.**

**8294/6000 word target. Boom!**


	19. Chapter 19

**...I've been busy, I swear!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi

_**Warnings:**_**Lemons **of both a hetero and slash nature, possible**triggers** and mentions of** Post-****Traumatic Stress Syndrome.**

_**Chapter Nineteen**_

The internet was a wonderful thing, Zack decided. He couldn't remember if it had been around in his first life, but it was his connection to everything important in this one. He'd scoured the archives of news sites for hours trying to find unbiased accounts of what had happened around the times just before Cloud's phone calls and what he found shocked him – Cloud was freaking famous. There were so many fan pages for him depicting great tales of his heroism and how he saved the whole world and was such a heartthrob. Here and there the names of the people who helped him cropped up – including Vincent, who had his very own heroic anecdotes, and that girl Tifa, who Cloud mentioned on the phone – but the focus was always on Cloud.

Sitting hunched at one of the computers in the community building, Zack found his heart beat a little faster when he found a picture attached to one of the articles. It was of a young man with wild blond hair, porcelain white skin and startling sky blue eyes.

Cloud.

Everything about him was so perfect. The man wasn't even looking at the camera – it seemed to have been take at some kind of press release or speech. He was surrounded by microphones and people who looked like reporters. Zack finally had a face to put with the name.

The second time the ex-SOLDIER's heart jumped, though for a different reason, was around the fourth or fifth article – this one was on a serious news website that reported the events that took place with as many details as it possibly could. It was this article, written by reporter Bruce Jemmy, that informed him that Aerith – the aqua blue eyes and pressed flower – was dead. She was murdered, apparently – by Sephiroth.

He felt a strange sensation of grief – like his heart had swollen ten times and had migrated into his throat. It was hard to breathe – to even _think_. And he didn't even know who she was. He knew he had loved her in his first life, but she had died years before his second one. Maybe this sadness was the old Zack trying to resurface. Reeve had said that he wasn't quite who he used to be.

He didn't feel real.

But...who was this bastard that killed her? Again and again the name 'Sephiroth' would crop up. He was the one who tried to destroy the planet – who Cloud killed to save the world. Why did Zack's mind associate such a person with the word '_friend_'? It didn't make sense!

So, when the tightness in his chest and fogginess of his eyes faded to background irritations, he moved his research on to 'Sephiroth'.

Fan pages? The 'Silver Elite'? 'Beast of Wutai'? He was a _hero_?!

Hero.

Zack frowned – that word...meant a lot. Why, though? His past self had certainly been around a lot of people who could be described as heroes, but there was a kind of...responsible feeling attached to it? Yes...he felt like that word had once described himself.

Zack the hero.

He liked that.

But Sephiroth...There wasn't a lot recorded about the man's transition between 'hero' and 'villain' – just some vague comments about him having a troubled childhood that had finally caught up with him. That tasted like a lie. Zack guessed that the public weren't aware of a lot that had happened to the man during this 'troubled childhood'. This reeked of Shinra.

Zack had discovered during his perusing that Shinra was a military force masquerading as an electric company that used to own the world, basically. In fact, they were getting pretty popular again nowadays due to their radical changes and reinstatement of coal as an energy source – apparently, Corel was a major city now due to their land being rich in the stuff. But, in the past, Shinra were corporate overlords who nearly destroyed the planet and ruled by fear. The reports on them were none too flattering.

The worst thing about it, Zack found, was that he used to work for them – he suspected that he had by the fact that he had a military background and confirmed it by searching 'Shinra' plus 'Zack'. He had a fan club too. Weird.

Not much was brought up when he tried searching for this 'Reno' character – just a vague description of him being the second in command of the Department of Administrative Research at Shinra, third in charge of the company no less, but there was no picture attached. Nothing else came up attached to his name, not even a last name – though Zack was somehow sure that he was the same Reno that Cloud was apparently moving on with.

He had been at it for hours before he threw his hands up in exasperation – there were just too many holes in his memory. He needed to get his damn memory back already! If only there was a way–!

...Of course.

Zack's eyes latched on to a name on the glowing screen before him. He had been looking into the Deepground incident, one of the disasters that had happened before one of Cloud's calls, and had come across the Tsviets. Shelke had been one of them – and her speciality had been retrieving information via Synaptic Net Diving, a skill that could be applied to both computers and the human mind. Now that he thought about it, Zack could remember her offering to 'SND' when he woke up but he hadn't trusted her enough to let her.

Taking a deep breath, Zack logged out of the computer and made his way to the medical centre. Can't hurt to ask, right?

_**xXx**_

It had been a blessing, really, when Fair had interrupted their conversation before. Vincent hadn't known how to respond to Reeve's words – still didn't really – and had been verging on spilling his innermost feelings to the man's prodding. He'd honestly thought that Reeve hadn't noticed. It had certainly seemed that way since their friendship had been the same regardless of his recent thoughts.

Damned Yuffie...why did she have to point it out? What had been a simple attraction had bloomed into...something else entirely.

It was strange how he felt around the engineer – his heart pounded and his tongue grew dry, making it impossible to form coherent sentences. The sophisticated man was probably not too impressed with the level of conversation Vincent had to offer as of late as a result, but the ex-Turk couldn't help it. He felt like a teenager again. Which was absurd, now that he thought about it. He had never felt like this, even in his younger days. He had been nearly thirty when he had met Lucrecia and their love was hardly a whirlwind romance or slow-burning blaze of passion – it had simply...happened, to be honest. They had been attracted to each other and one thing lead to another. They fell in love by accident, but that was okay. Despite the fact that she married Hojo, they continued their little affair – until she fell pregnant. To this day, Vincent couldn't be sure whether the man who tried to destroy the planet – the man who tormented one of his very close friends and forced him to become his killer three times over – was Hojo's deranged experiment or his very own abandoned son. But...that was the past. Reeve had helped him get through it all and let him live with a sense of normality.

But what he had said earlier...Vincent didn't know if he was ready to take that step yet. He didn't know if he ever would be.

"_Vincent, I think you and I both know that our relationship is more than that of friends."_

Why had Fair burst in at that moment? Vincent was almost sure that the engineer was suggesting that they – how did he phrase it? – _give in to what they had both been feeling for a long time now_. But what if he had meant something else? He wasn't sure what else Reeve could have meant by that, but he didn't quite have the confidence to initiate anything without absolute assurance that he wouldn't be rejected.

Letting out a deep sigh, the gunman buried his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his dining room table. He was sitting very close to how he had been during that conversation with Yuffie – the day that so many things changed. With a small smile he stretched out his artificial hand, remembering how he had shown her version 3.4 with the interactive map feature. That had been particularly useful and he had insisted on keeping the feature on all future versions. Version 5.1, his current left hand, in addition to the map had fingers and a thumb that could each transform into a different tool – a screwdriver, wrench, blow torch, knife and, oddly, a squirt gun. He wasn't a fan – it was too often that he had woken up with singed sheets because the blow torch didn't do as it was told. Reeve was just a big kid with this sort of thing.

It was...cute.

Vincent groaned, dropping his head to the table.

_**xXx**_

Zack focussed his gaze on the three bright lights above him and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling caused by the titanium shackles binding his arms and legs to the reclined chair. Apparently Shelke was a cautious person.

"Just relax." Shelke's voice was the same as ever – calm and clinical – as she drifted around the lab, adjusting instruments and noting things down. "I've adapted my usual technique to suit your needs – I'm fully confident that this will work but you need to be calm. Any spike of emotion from you will make this difficult."

"I'll be fine. Just do it."

The girl sighed and glanced over at him, pausing her preparations. "Reeve will not be happy with me for this regardless of how it goes – I would appreciate if you do not make the situation worse by making avoidable mistakes."

Zack forced himself to relax into the seat, peering at Shelke the best he could from his position. "I promise to keep as calm as possible but you never know what memories will be dragged up. Let's just be prepared for the worst, yeah?"

Cerulean eyes studied him for a few more moments before turning back to the mechanical instruments surrounding the room. "Of course. As long as you are prepared for bad reactions."

Zack nodded and returned his stare to the lights above him, letting his mind drift while Shelke pottered around him. A vague thought occurred to him over why Shelke would do this if it would anger Reeve, but he found that he didn't much care. She was a grown woman and could face her own consequences. As long as he got his memories back and saw Cloud, he didn't give a shit about anything else.

"Are you ready?" Zack turned his head to the side to look at the scientist, finding that she had finished her adjustments and was sitting in a small chair that she had pulled up next to him. Her hands were firmly planted on a shiny black panel attached to the seat that Zack was on. He nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep steadying breath. "All right, count backwards slowly from ten."

"One, two, three, four," The world grew hazy and Zack felt his mind relax and become more malleable – he could sense Shelke pushing against the edges and he forced himself to let her in, as they had discussed. "Five...six...sev–" And he was gone.

Images of people flashed by – people that he suddenly was able to attach names and emotions to. Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal – the man in the photo!

The buster sword, wings of white feathers, his parents tearfully seeing him of from Gongaga at the age of thirteen, meeting Aerith in the church in the sector 5 slums, meeting Cloud in the Modeoheim mountains...

Guilt – because kissing Cloud felt so good, but he knew that this was cheating. Aerith would be so hurt. Worse, Cloud was only fourteen. Why had he been so upset?

"_Zack...p__lease, please – I need you! Please...I can't..."_

Where had those bruises come from? Who hurt you, Cloud? You don't need to do this.

Euphoria...

Angeal?

Lazard?

_Cloud run!_

All of a sudden the rush of images and feelings halted and Zack found himself standing in a field of flowers beneath a stark white sky. _This is...the lifestream_, a voice – no, a _memory_ told him, _this is where I would go to find her_.

Looking around himself, Zack looked for...something. What was he looking for?

A presence appeared at his back, but it didn't make him jump – this was how she spoke to him in this place. He couldn't ever see her face here because she didn't have one any more, not really – the image he had of her was only what he knew of her in life. Here, it hurt too much to look at the void of where she was standing and blink in futility to make the distorted image whole again – like looking directly at the sun. You know where it is but you never can see its form. To save him the pain, she always stood behind him. Zack often wondered if that's what it was like for her in his resting ground –_ he remembered_.

But was this a memory? She had often found a way to speak to...to Cloud. Like this. Was she doing the same now?

_No..._There were blue flowers near him now – she had gotten rid of those after something terrible had happened on the Planet because they reminded her of Cloud's eyes and she couldn't bear to look at them..._Yes!_ This was just before Cloud lost his sight – she was telling him about something he must do...

"_Something is about to happen, Zack and you must be the one to save him this time."_

"_How would I do that? I can't interact with him like you can – I managed it once, but that was only because Sephiroth had thinned the veil."_

"_I don't mean speak with him. I have spoken with Her – she will send you back."_

_Zack almost span around, but stopped himself in time. "S-send me back? I..." He shook his head, picturing the horror spread by those past that had not stayed in the lifestream where they belonged. "Isn't that a risky thing to do?"_

_Hair brushed against Zack's arm, making him shiver with regret. Why could he feel her, yet not see her? What kind of torture was this 'eternal paradise' meant to be? _

"_It will be fine because She has said it will be – it is not against Her wishes like the others were." She sighed softly and placed a gentle, ghostly hand on his arm, making him wince. "It helps that you don't belong here, Zack. You may have accepted death, but She has not accepted you. She wasn't expecting you so soon and is willing to allow you to live out your days as you should have in exchange for saving the world just one more time."_

_Hope was a bitter thing, Zack found – it bubbled in him like an illness and he couldn't shake it. He wanted to be reluctant and wish to stay with her – the once love of his life – but his years in limbo, it seemed, had cooled his feelings and made him regret accepting death so readily. He would never change what he had done, for Cloud would not still be living on if he hadn't, but the peace he thought death would bring never came. _

"_How will we do it?"_

_A short, humourless laugh rang out, echoing over the flowers and emptiness. "Don't worry about that. Just focus on what you must do for Her."_

"_And what would that be?"_

_She told him what she could – all she knew – and begged him to be careful. Zack agreed to the terms. _

"_I'll miss you." Zack wanted to see her, for the thousandth time that conversation. "I will, whatever you believe."_

_She sighed again – she had been doing that a lot lately. "I know, Zack. But I am at peace – I died at my time so the Planet has accepted me for Her own. You do not fit in here – she has no place for you and you will not belong for years to come. Our love would have been short lived either way – you should be mourning for me and moving on, not stuck with my ghost. Be happy Zack." And she faded away along with Zack's consciousness, granting him his last view of the lifestream, for one death at least._

And Zack remembered everything.

_**xXx**_

By the time Reno got home, it was late. The apartment was dark and quiet, indicating that Cloud must have gone to bed – which wasn't surprising, seeing as it was over four hours since he had left him alone.

He had practically ran out of the boss' place past a gaping Cissnei the second the door opened; it must have looked really bad to her, what with blood dripping down Reno's pallid face and the boss standing in a pool of broken glass with a furious expression. And how he hadn't stopped when Rufus called after him. Reno may not always play by the rules, but he was fiercely loyal and had never disobeyed or ignored orders before, not from Rufus.

He had meant to go straight home after that – back to Cloud to tell him what had happened and to seek comfort because _fuck_ did Reno need it right now. His friend – _his best friend_ – had assaulted him. It didn't even feel real.

But...Cloud had too much to deal with himself to have to bear Reno's problems too. He wasn't even sure how the blond would take it – would he get mad or upset or jealous? Would he even react at all? Reno didn't know and he was...he was terrified. No matter what he had said to Rufus, he was so insecure about his relationship with Cloud that he had been keeping a million things bottled up. He was full – there wasn't any room for more.

Junon was a city that never slept and Reno was glad for it – it was too cold to walk his troubles away, so he opted instead to sit in an all night diner, sipping at coffee and ignoring the elderly waitress' curious stares. His throat burned for whiskey but he didn't feel right drinking it in such a situation. He always drank when he had a problem and so had the boss and look at what had happened – he didn't want to snap like that. He wanted to cope.

When he had consumed enough coffee to give Leviathan the shakes, Reno finally returned home, thankfully with a clearer head. He had decided that the evening didn't have to be a bad one – after all, before the bossman called him he had been having a pleasant evening with his boyfriend and the...incident...didn't have to ruin it.

Or so he thought – the evening was over. Cloud was asleep on the sofa, probably while waiting for him to get back after not returning when he said he would. Reno sighed and toed off his shoes, making his way over to his boyfriend. He slowly lowered himself onto the cushions, careful not to wake him.

He felt calmer running his fingers through soft blond locks. So much better. This was how it was meant to be.

Reno willed his mind to be silent – to let this moment be peaceful – but the traitorous thoughts kept coming. Cloud's face just looked so peaceful, like there was nothing holding him back like there so often was – it just doubled the guilt Reno felt when it occurred to him that he was the one holding things back now. What if that wasn't the last time Rufus tried to get between him and Cloud? What if Cloud reacted badly when he found out? What if he found out about everything? About Zack and how the person he was supposed to trust not only kept it from him, but actively made sure that he didn't find out from other sources.

He wanted to tell him.

He hated the thought of doing so.

Cloud would leave him, he just knew it.

"Please." Reno was shaking – he could see it in his hands on Cloud's face. His voice was trembling too, despite the fact that he was whispering. He was out of control. He needed to hear Cloud say that it was all okay. But it wasn't. It might not ever be and it wasn't fair to expect Cloud to be the strong one. Reno was the one in the wrong, after all. "Tell me that you need me."

He knew it was irrational, but he felt on the brink of having a panic attack, the fleeting calm he had felt long gone. He thought that he had handled this...Cloud's face remained so passive while he was losing his mind. "Tell me that you need me, Cloud – because I really need you. I don't want to be alone any more."

Cloud didn't answer – of course, because he was asleep. Reno tried to be rational but there was something so definite in the silent response to his pain. "I fucking love you, Cloud. I love you so much. Tell me I'm not gonna lose you."

His words were muffled against Cloud's chest, though he couldn't quite remember laying his head down. He couldn't remember when that hand had appeared on the back of his neck either, or when gentle thudding he could hear from the one below him had sped up a few beats per minute.

"Reno..." The redhead shot up, not going quite as far as he had meant to due to the hand on his neck keeping him close to the now awake blond. "Reno, what happened? Why are you crying?"

Now that he mentioned it, his cheeks did feel wet. "I..." It felt like he had swallowed a stone. Why did Cloud have to open his eyes? It didn't matter that the ex-soldier couldn't really see him, there was always just something about those blue, blue eyes that struck him deeply.

He wanted to tell him.

But he just couldn't.

"Nothing...nothing, just...stressed out from work stuff, I guess." The lie was heavy on his tongue and hurt coming out. Worse, Cloud knew. He could see it on his face that he wanted to press further and demand the truth but that was against his nature to pry – a trait that Reno relied on in his cowardice.

The silence between them was potent.

"Is this..." Cloud struggled against his innate shyness. "It's to do with the...the sex thing, isn't it?" He looked so sad.

Reno latched onto the excuse, as sick as it made him feel. "Cloud, I won't pressure you. Seriously, just...for a minute I got a bit insecure and needed some time for myself. Don't worry about it – we're good."

Cloud's lips thinned with worry, like he was struggling to accept what was going on. "I'm not trying to push you away. I just..." The blond took a deep breath and threaded his fingers through soft red hair. "I didn't want to replace him." The words were said in a rush, but they were clear. "The only man I've ever slept with is...is Zack."

Reno felt a thrill of terror rush through at the confirmation – it was the only time the blond had really said out loud what his relationship with Fair had been. It was another nail in the coffin in Reno's eyes – it made his heart thud painfully and filled him with the desperate need to hold onto what he had for the limited time he would have it.

It finally felt like their relationship had an expiration date.

But Cloud wasn't done.

"I know it's not right that I've felt this way for so long – like it would be erasing his memory to be with you that way. I just..." He squeezed his eyes shut and brought both of his hands to Reno's face, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears. His lips were soft against Reno's, slightly sticky with moisture but they were his lifeline – his assurance that this wasn't over yet.

"I think now is the time for me to let him go."

"Why now?" Reno couldn't help but ask, numb with a disbelieving hope.

Those blue, _blue_ eyes opened and Reno was pulled in. "Because I love you, Reno. You're not going to lose me. Never."

One more barrier between them fell that night.

**The 6000 word target was not reached but next chapter should make up for it because ZACK FINALLY ARRIVES! I'll try not to make you wait too long!**


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